Had I Known [Leila]

[Cobalt Weaver]

Cobalt stared blankly into his cup of coffee, one finger absently stirring the dark, warm liquid. It had long turned lukewarm and was still untouched. He hadn’t slept all weekend. Which was relatively unusual; while Cobalt didn’t sleep very much, he was always able to get a few hours of sleep in to function. All weekend, he had been filled with strange, uneasy energy that kept him awake and unable to focus on anything. Seeing Elaine and Morgan had helped immeasurably, but even their company didn’t allow him enough peace to get any kind of sleep. And whenever he actually managed to coax his body into sleep, he’d had nightmares. That was the most unusual part. He didn’t get nightmares anymore. He hadn’t had a nightmare since he was a child, and now, for no reason, he’d been plagued with nightmares these last few nights.

Well. That was a lie. It was not for no reason.

Cobalt sighed, his shoulders sagging in exhaustion. There was a reason. He was drained, physically and emotionally from what had happened in the woods the few days ago to Josh. Which was a little unnecessary, it wasn’t like he’d never experienced hate crimes before—either directed at him or others—but this was different. It had happened to a friend who had spent his entire life championing a cause that technically didn’t even have anything to do with him with incredible conviction and optimism. And where had that conviction and optimism left him? In a hospital with broken ribs. And Cobalt wasn’t able to do a damn thing about it.

So here he was, having not slept for over three days, worry and unspoken fears rolling around in his head, and staring down at coffee that was swiftly becoming untouched, sugary sludge. He barely looked up when Leila came in through the door. This was gonna be fun.

“Hey kiddo.” Cobalt mumbled, dragging his eyes up to look at his intern. “We’re gonna open late today, okay? I need to talk to you about something.”

[Leila Gold]

So it wasn't the best day ever. But it also wasn't the worst day ever. Sure, she couldn't find her favorite pair of shoes this morning, but that really wasn't anything important. And yes, her wallet was missing. But it wasn't of dire importance that she have it, especially since she kept some back-up change in her desk drawer at work. It was probably just in the pile of laundry at home, anyway, so no real worries there. And yes. She was wearing an uncomfortable bra because of her procrastination on the laundry. But at least it was a clean bra. So she'd rolled out of bed and had her cup of coffee (black, the milk was spoiled) and a granola bar (out of pop-tarts, again), then put on her other pair of black shoes, the ones that kind of pinched her toes but looked good with the pencil skirt, leggings, and t-shirt outfit, and strolled out the door. And she even managed not to step on Athena.

It was pretty outside. Snow was on the ground and gently falling. She started humming to herself. "It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas," she sang. Athena whined a little, so Leila went back to her humming. It was still off-key, but at least it was quieter. And if someone listened very carefully, it might even sound like a song. From India or something.

The door to the office had finally gotten its nice lettering. She'd worked on painting the glass at home, then had it set in the door so she could avoid more smudging. And now it looked just perfect. Leila smiled and walked inside, already taking off her big coat.

"Hey Blue," she said with a grin. "You know, I'm not sure if I should mention this, but you're supposed to use a spoon." He looked a little lost, so she added, "For the coffee, you know? Ah well, never mind."

She went over to her desk and pulled out a candy bar as well as a couple Tylenol. "What's up?" she asked, popping the pills and then chewing on the Snicker's. "I'm fine with opening late, but if this is the 'birds and the bees' talk, trust me. I already know."

She was picking on him a little, sure, but she was worried. It wasn't like Cobalt to be this...out of it.

[Cobalt Weaver]

She was concerned; Cobalt could tell. She usually didn’t start in on the back-sassing jokes until he’d at least gotten a few cups of coffee in him and he’d very clearly hadn’t had any yet. Teasing and back-sass was their way of testing how upset the other was at any given time. It was probably not a very good system, but it worked for them. Cobalt tried to muster up the energy to smile at her. He probably looked like hell anyways, so it wasn’t as though a smile would help. What a mess.

“Heh. Don’t worry about that one. At… however old you are now… I should hope you’ve gotten acquainted with that kind of stuff.” He rubbed his pounding forehead, very, very close to asking Leila for one of her Tylenols. He didn’t like taking them, and generally disapproved of her taking so many, so he said nothing. He wasn’t in the mood for getting into that argument again. For the millionth time. “Uh. This is a little more unpleasant a conversation, actually. Um. A couple days ago… uh, four, I think…” He squinted, trying to remember if it was really only about four days ago. He’d had a long weekend. “Anyways, that’s not really the point. You know the day that we were supposed to meet Josh, but you canceled because you weren’t feeling well? Well… that day, Josh was late. Which wasn’t a big deal, but I thought I’d call Sean—you know, Dr. Neville? Yeah.—to see if Josh was with him. And he wasn’t… so we went looking for him. And…” Cobalt sighed again, the afterimages of fear and anger and adrenaline stirring in his already aching head. “Josh was attacked in the woods by a Gestalt pair.” He knew Leila would know what that was, since she was with him when they worked with one, “It was probably a hate crime.”

He looked up at her, eyes serious, the shadows rippling around him, “He’s was in the hospital for a while, but he’s over at Sean’s now. Among other things, he broke a couple of ribs. I have been instructed that this needs to be kept quiet.” Cobalt scowled, his voice cold, “And Josh has seconded that request, so we can’t say anything to anyone. But I’m telling you this because I want you to be safe.” He looked up at Leila, “I want you to be aware of what’s going on and to be smart about this, you hear? Don’t go walking around by yourself, don’t run around late at night. I know, I know.” He held up a hand to stay her traditional argument, “You can take care of yourself. I know you can. But just because you can doesn’t mean I want you to be in a situation where you’d have to.” He had hoped to avoid an argument, mainly because he was far too tired for any nonsense right now, but if Leila pulled out the sass, Cobalt would have no patience for it today. The shadows loomed over him in warning.

[Leila Gold]

Leila sat quietly as she let Cobalt try to talk out what he was saying. Sometimes, she had learned, it was best just to sit back and let someone try to figure out what was going on before adding your own thoughts to the mix. So she just waited while he stammered and spluttered over his words, finally blurting out what the main issue was.

Her eyes went wide. “I didn’t even realize…was it someone from the school? A hate crime? Was it one of the students, and why would they even do that kind of thing?” And more importantly…”Is he okay?” Her voice shook a little. She needed something to calm her down. Immediately she reached for her painkillers. She took an Advil and set the bottle on the table. “So what’s being done?”

Cobalt was stressing. It was obvious. What was almost more obvious was that he was worried about his friend, but because he couldn’t take his aggression and pain out on anyone else, she was going to feel the brunt of this pain. And maybe she didn’t deserve it, but better her than some stranger on the street. At least she would probably just get scolded a little. And at the end of it all, he’d probably feel better. So she sat in silence as he started to caution her and as the shadows began to build in anticipation of a fight.

Leila didn’t want to argue with Cobalt. But she had some pent-up anger too, and she knew that he probably needed to get it all off his chest. It might be good for him to just yell at someone. So, though it probably wasn’t the best thing to do, she looked up and stared him in the eye.

“You can’t tell me what to do,” she said quietly. She made sure each word was clear.

“I’m going to get a cup of coffee.” She stood and went into the kitchen, where a pot was already brewed and waiting. She poured a cup and heaped it with sugar and milk, then tossed in a few Benadryl tablets she kept on hand. She made sure her back was to the door and Cobalt as she stirred the drink very slowly.

[Cobalt Weaver]

Cobalt sighed heavily, “No, it… it was essentially a hate crime. From someone outside of the school. I… really wish I could tell you more, but I don’t actually have a whole lot of information.” His fist clenched on the desk, a brief wave of anger washing over him. He reigned it in. Leila didn’t deserve to bear the brunt of his anger; the girl hadn’t done anything. He took a deep breath, pushing his emotions back down. He could do this. “Josh is fine, he’s staying with Sean right now. I have to go over to his house later and take care of his rabbit.” There was a sentence Cobalt never thought he’d say. “So yeah.” Cobalt finished lamely, rubbing his eyes, “That’s what I wanted to let you know.”

Cobalt stared at Leila in utter disbelief as she made her declaration. The shadows even froze as he stared at her, weariness and anger and a little bit of pain rolling around in his head. “I—wha—what the hell is wrong with you?” Cobalt wished he could sound more angry, and not just betrayed. “I’m not telling you what to do, I am asking you to please be safe so that you’re not the next person I have to see in the hospital, Leila. Do you understand? Josh was in the hospital and he could have died if it wasn’t for Sean and dumb fucking luck.” Cobalt swallowed, feeling his face twist with anger and fear, “I can’t… I can’t protect the people I care about right now, Leila. I can’t. And… and it scares the hell out of me, okay? So there you go. You’ve always been asking me to talk about my—my feelings, or whatever the hell. Well, there you go. I am just worried about you, Leila.” He no longer sounded angry; he’s not even sure he ever really did. Betrayal and hurt tinged his words and the shadows curled around his shoulders.

“You know what? Do whatever you want. I don’t… It… Just do what you want.” Cobalt ran an aggravated hand through his hair, suddenly realizing that he was on the verge of tears, and the thought horrified him. Pulling himself together, he turned to his computer, feeling worse than he did before. He never liked yelling at Leila; she deserved more than that. What a disaster.

[Leila Gold]

Leila came out of the back room, still stirring the mug of coffee. Carefully, she set it on Cobalt's desk, then went to get her chair. She wheeled it over and sat next to his desk. Then she reached across to his abandoned cup of coffee and picked it up. Holding it between two hands, she looked over at Cobalt.

"I know it hurts, Blue. But you can't fix everything. You can't save everyone. And people are going to get hurt. I know that you are going to do everything in your power to keep that from happening, and believe me, I'm not going to act totally dumb. I do know that I have to stay safe and watch what I'm doing. But Blue...Cobalt...no matter how much you want to save the world, sometimes the best thing you can do is save yourself."

She sighed and pushed the other mug of coffee closer to him, hoping he'd get the hint. "I'm worried about you. You're not acting normal. It's like...it's like you're giving up before you've even gotten started. I don't even know that you're trying to get better. This hurt you a lot, I think, but you don't acknowledge it, and it's messing you up."

Leila sat quietly for a moment more. Finally, she said, "Promise you this, Blue. Promise to take care of yourself, I'll take care of myself. And, you know, we can always watch each others' backs. Deal?" She turned to him and held out her arms to hug him.

[Cobalt Weaver]

Cobalt blinked in surprise as Leila, instead of snapping back, set a cup of coffee on his desk and picked up his old one. The steam from the new cup spiraled in the air. She pulled her chair close to his and looked up at him with those damn big eyes. That was when Cobalt realized that he’d been played, just a little bit. She knew that he was upset, and so she did what they always did when the other was upset: prodded and poked until the other came out and talked about it. The results, while productive, were usually explosive. Cobalt huffed out a laugh, “I know. No, I really do. I’m just… rarg.” He growled, running a hand through his hair. It wasn’t fair that he unload his problems onto her; she didn’t sign up for this, she was far too young and happy and full of life to get saddled with all his crap. For all his difficulties (and he was sure she had to put up with many), he tried to keep the worst of his worries and fears from her. She had more than enough to worry about on her own. But still. She was asking him to trust her, in her own, vaguely insane sort of way. And he supposed he owed her that. “After forty-five years, I’ve had to kind of get used to the idea that I can’t save everyone. I mostly try to limit that to focusing on keeping the people I care about safe, you know?” His mouth twisted into a crooked grin, “It burns that not only can I not do that, but the person who can do that better is someone I can’t stand.”

Cobalt looked up at her, a little startled, “Leila. You don’t need to worry about me, okay? I’m…having problems, but I’m not giving up.” He chuckled, “I know I already told you exactly what I thought of that godawful poker party thing you forced upon me a few months ago, but to be honest…” He considered his next words, “I realized, once I could think about it again without getting extremely irritated, that I had a group of very kind, very friendly people in my house, and I didn’t know what to do with them. That’s… a problem.” He shrugged, “I didn’t care, before. And I’m still not sure I really care now, but I’m not all that easy to get along with. I realize this. I don’t know how to really change it, but I’m gonna try.” He gave her a small smile, “This scared me, and I’ve lost… an inordinate amount of sleep over it, but I’m not going to throw myself off a bridge over it.” He sighed, rubbing his eyes, “I know you can take care of yourself; I know you’re competent, I would never have hired you if I didn’t think you were. But that doesn’t mean I don’t care still.” Cobalt smirked at his intern, “You’re stuck with that, kiddo.”

Cobalt grinned then, “Sounds like a good plan. Since when did you get so smart?” He grumbled good-naturedly as he stood up to return her hug. “But for future reference,” Cobalt mumbled into her shoulder, “Goading a response out of me was not the best way to go about this right now. I feel like shit anyways and believe it or not, yelling at you doesn’t make me feel any better.” He released her and took a step back, “And I’ve always got your back, whether you want it or not.” He grinned and ruffled her hair, teasing her slightly. He reached for the coffee he made for him, “Thanks for the coffee, by the way.” He took a sip, knowing that she would understand that he wasn’t really just thanking her for the coffee

[Leila Gold]

Leila patted Cobalt on the back as they hugged. She thought she might cry for half a moment but forced it back.

Despite all appearances, she actually liked Blue, and she didn't want him to go accidentally kill himself by not getting enough sleep or food or whatever. And she didn't like seeing him in this condition. Flustered, yes, sure, that was fun to watch. But here, he wasn't a full person, just...just the shadow of himself, pardon the irony.

"It's gonna be okay, Blue," she said as they parted. "Just trust in all your friends, and trust in yourself. You can always count on me, partner."

She smiled as she watched him drinking the coffee. "You might want to go home and try to get some sleep." The Benadryl should help with that. "Go ahead and finish your coffee so you're awake--" haha "--for the ride home. I'll take care of everything here."

[Cobalt Weaver]

“Yeah, yeah.” Cobalt smiled, “I’ll work on that.” He put the coffee mug down on the desk and sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I trust you, kiddo. I really do. I worry, but I will always trust you.” He grinned at her, “Yeah. I know, partner.”

Cobalt smirked at Leila. “Nah, I’m not gonna finish that. You’re not supposed to drive or operate machinery while under sleep medication or whatever the hell you put in my coffee.” He smiled at her, “You forget how gross that stuff tastes to someone who isn’t used to it.” He squeezed her shoulder gently, “But the gesture is duly noted. I’m gonna go home and go to sleep.” He stretched his arms out, yawning, “…I think the amount I drank already was more than enough.” He blinked at her sleepily. “I’m gonna go before it gets to the point where I’m falling asleep at the wheel. Thank you Leila.” He pulled on his jacket, gave her another one-armed hug, and left the office

He managed to make it back to his apartment without crashing or falling asleep. He did not, however, make it all the way to his actual bed; he fell asleep sprawled out on his couch, finally able to find some rest for the first time in days.

[OOC: Closed for Cobalt]