Regret and Recrimination (Riley, Cobalt)

[Joshua Bernstein]

"I think he went to kill himself."

The steadiness of his voice surprised him. He'd barely been coherent when he'd called Cobalt, but now, after the initial shock of the voice mail had worn off he found he was....calm wasn't the right word. Maybe in shock. He'd never expected a goodbye, especially not over voice mail.

He replayed the message, speakers on his phone turned up so Riley and Cobalt could both hear. He hadn't called Riley, but apparently Cobalt felt he should be present as well. Or maybe he'd already been visiting when he'd called; he hadn't asked. "I tried to call him back, but he's not answering. He's not answering his work phone, either, and he's not home."

He wished he had a beer; an unfortunate truth about Riley and Cobalt was that neither drank, so there wasn't any handy. And neither of them much appreciated smoking, either, though he'd gone through almost a whole pack of cigarettes between first receiving Sean's voice mail and knocking on Cobalt's door but he couldn't light up now, not in Cobalt's home and definitely not in front of Riley, whose first interaction with him had been to fuss at him for smoking near his plants.

Since he had no cigarettes or beer bottles to occupy his hands he busied himself with wringing them instead, staring intently at the floor. "He was so unhappy recently, but I thought...I thought that was just...that it would blow over. It always blows over. We've known one another for years, I should have known, you're supposed to recognize the signs when your friends are going to kill themselves, aren't you? And he won't even answer his phone, so I can't talk him out of it and I don't know, maybe I should have made more of an effort to visit, I suppose we haven't talked much lately, but that happens sometimes, I didn't think this was any different."

[Cobalt Weaver]

Of all the things Cobalt expected Josh to call him about—even in emergency—the suspicion of Sean’s suicide was the last on the list. Josh had been absolutely incoherent on the phone, talking rapidly and in circles and generally making no damn sense. It scared him. It had taken little persuasion to get Josh to come over to his house and when the older man had hung up, Cobalt had instantly dialed Riley’s number. The landscaper was the one more equipped to handle feelings of the three of them, and right now, Cobalt didn’t want to say the wrong thing. Whatever was happening right now sounded bad.

By the time Josh actually got to the house, he had calmed down considerably and was finally able to articulate what he had been trying to say over the phone: that Sean was missing and may or may not be killing himself right now. When Josh proclaimed this, Cobalt exchanged an alarmed look with Riley. The message Josh played back for them contained only four words: “Thanks for everything, Slim.” Cobalt recognized the nickname from a moment months ago in the woods. He didn’t ask for clarification.

But something about this didn’t make any sense, and sitting still was making him antsy, so he stood up from the couch and slowly paced the floor, shadows rolling around his ankles. Something wasn’t right at all. Sean was far too self-assured and relatively centered to just kill himself. And if he did indeed get to that point, he cared far too much about Josh to do it without providing the other man some kind of explanation beyond four words. Something else was going on. Cobalt frowned.

Josh’s words pulled him back into the present. He looked at his friend. “Josh, this isn’t your fault.” He said sharply, willing the other man to actually listen to him, “Whatever ends up happening, it is not your fault. You’ve been nothing but a good friend to Sean; none of this is because of you.” He glanced over at Riley for support. Riley was far better at this than he was; Cobalt always seemed to get angry.

But now to actually solving the problem. They couldn’t get ahold of Sean, so what was the next best thing? “…Have you called the police?” He asked, feeling strange, backwards déjà vu. If they were going to have to go searching around in the woods on Sean’s behalf, Cobalt was going to be very irritated.

[Riley Adams]

Getting the phone call from Cobalt had been a surprise to say the least. Stephen had come over with food and was planning on staying over, something which Riley had looked forward to the whole day. However, he had dropped everything to tend that call and had ended up driving over to Cobalt's place after promising Stephen he would come back as soon as possible.

Finding out why he had been summoned was an even bigger surprise and hearing Sean on speaker phone was a little eerie for the landscape artist. He had grown used to the man's quite soothing tone of voice but something in the recording spooked Riley. It also had Josh really worried. Riley had known Josh felt deeply for the other man but seeing it put on display like this, it was an eye-opener to be sure.

Cobalt's snap wasn't entirely uncalled for but Riley had wished the younger man had handled it just a tad more gentle. A timely execution was everything and though Riley never saw Josh as being vulnerable before, this was probably one of the times when he could have used a little patience, even from the shadow manipulator.

"Josh, Cobalt's right. Blaming yourself isn't going to help matters, especially not when you've been a good friend and more to Sean. It...it might not even be what you think it is." Not any better than what Cobalt had said but Josh had to know none of this was his fault. At all.

What was Sean up to? Surely he wouldn't...not with Josh around still. After that ill-timed intervention, didn't they try to work things out? Sean wasn't an idiot. He wouldn't throw his life away especially when he had Josh. Cobalt's question brought a nod from the second eldest in the group. "Would be best to notify the authorities." Riley voiced out quietly.

[Joshua Bernstein]

Josh grimaced, glancing up at his two friends. "I know that," He informed them before contradicting himself with, "but I should have been able to tell and stop him. He was upset over the summer, right after I moved, and then lately....I mean....." He sighed, trying to formulate his thoughts into coherence. "You remember the twins....?" He directed this question to Cobalt; Riley had never heard the real story, and neither men had heard about any of the rest of events. Well, if Sean was dead then secrecy didn't matter, so they might as well know now. "They said....they said they were part of a terrorist group. They've been menacing the school, or, I don't know, that's what I gathered, Sean didn't tell me too much, but he was worried about them and...." okay, this wasn't clarifying quite as much as he'd hoped. "Back in January something happened with them. I don't know what, but he was distraught over it. I could never get anything coherent out of him, I think they must have threatened him. But he was depressed about the whole thing and....I'm just worried."

He took a fortifying breath as he shook his head. "No, I...I haven't. Yet." Actually, calling the police sounded like an excellent idea. They might tell him it hadn't been long enough to report Sean missing, but if he gave them all the facts then surely they would agree that the voice mail was troubling? It would be better to look for him now, while there was still a chance he was alive. He punched 911, fumbling his phone in his impatience. "I hope they can find him quickly...."

[Cobalt Weaver]

At the mention of the Gestalt pair, Cobalt’s stomach turned. If this had anything to do with them, then Josh’s evaluation of the situation may be more accurate than Cobalt really wanted to think. He nodded once in answer to Josh’s leading question, shooting Riley a look that hopefully said “I will tell you later”. Now wasn’t really the time for it. And it was really Josh’s story to tell, however infuriating (and terrifying) the day had been. When Josh began to speak, Cobalt’s eyes widened. “A terrorist group? Are you sure?” Regardless of Josh’s answer, wheels began turning in Cobalt’s head. Whoever they were, that Gestalt pair recognized Sean. Or at least knew of Sean enough to back off. Because they left because of Sean, not Cobalt. Something had happened at the school, and Sean knew about it because of his instant concern for Josh when he was missing. So. So what? Cobalt grimaced in frustration. There was something he was missing here. Something important. Shadows curled around his fingers as he spun them idly, thinking. Sean knows—or at least knows of—these dangerous people. That attacked Josh. But earlier they attacked someone in the school. And Sean has been distracted and worried ever since.

Cobalt still wasn’t sure what was going on, but whatever it was, Cobalt knew that by nature, Sean was trying to fix it.

“Okay, Josh.” Cobalt sighed, running a hand through his hair distractedly, “I don’t think…I think Sean’s gonna be okay. I think he’s… it’s something else.” But something important enough to leave that cryptic message on Josh’s message. Which more or less did nothing but drive Josh frantic.

Cobalt was furious with Sean right now.

As Josh fumbled for the phone, Cobalt nodded: “Yeah, go ahead and do that. They’ll probably tell you that unless Sean’s been missing for 48 hours, it’s a little too early, but it’s good to have them on alert.” As Josh talked on his cell phone, Cobalt turned to Riley. “So, what do you think?” He asked his friend in a low tone, “Should we be thinking of looking for him, or what?” Cobalt thought that was an awful lot of work for a person he really just wanted to punch right now, but he would do it for Josh.

[Riley Adams]

Riley kept quiet as Josh continued to blame himself unnecessarily. It was unnecessary mostly because blaming yourself for something that was beyond your control didn't make a lick of sense. Riley was pretty sure in the length of time from when Josh moved to Pilot Ridge till now, Sean must have been the person Josh spent more time with what with Sean being Josh's shuttle most of the time. And for some reason, Riley was pretty sure Sean would have kept a very tight lid on things were he really unhappy because Sean wouldn't do anything to make Josh unhappy, would he?

Which brought his thoughts around full circle. Sean wouldn't have killed himself. It just wouldn't make sense for the older man to do something that he knew would hurt his best friend. But the next piece of news coming from his friend had Riley confused. Especially with Cobalt's look that Riley thought said: 'Not now', the landscape artist knew he was missing something. The words 'terrorist', 'menacing' and 'threatening' gave Riley the chills. Those thriller fiction novels he loved reading in his spare time was giving him way too many conspiracy theory ideas already, even though he didn't know the full story.

Would Sean have tried to set things straight with these terrorist twins? Was that message a last note should he disappear before they met up again? Sean wasn't an idiot, Riley didn't think. He wouldn't do what Riley thought he was doing now, was he?

As Josh called the police, Riley turned to look at Cobalt in surprise when the shadow manipulator asked him what they should do. "Do you think he ... he went after those twins? I ... I can't see how we can find him now. He could be anywhere by now." Riley whispered out of Josh's earshot.

[Joshua Bernstein]

Josh nodded; he was very sure. "That's what they said, that they were terrorists. That was the word they used and everything. They don't think they're humans because....because they have meta abilities." He gave Riley and Cobalt an apologetic look; the Gestalt Pair had managed to make him somewhat uneasy about his own lack of meta status, as much as he hated to admit it. He hadn't really discussed this with anyone, even Sean. He would rather pretend that nothing had happened, particularly given the fact that it wasn't really polite to feel weak without powers.

"But what else would it be?" He asked, hoping that one of his friends would supply him with a perfectly reasonable, non-fatal explanation for the message. "It just sounded so final and he's not picking up his phone. He's not home. His van is gone. What if he's in his van, suffocating to death? What if he's overdosing on advil or....or he jumped off a cliff or ran his car into a tree?" There was one very tiny, hopeful point in all of this: Sean didn't have a gun, and guns were considered the most fail-proof method of suicide. Other methods were less sure, had a higher chance of survival. Of course, survival could mean as a paraplegic or with brain damage, but Josh was pretty sure he would rather Sean have brain damage than be dead. He would call Kathleen and if she wouldn't take care of Sean in his brain damaged state then he would do it.

Cobalt was right about the police; they weren't particularly concerned by a short, cryptic voice mail when the person in question wasn't proved to be missing. Yet.

Josh snapped his phone shut and tossed it at the wall in frustration. "That was less than helpful!" He growled, running his hands through his hair. "There's not that much time, he could be dead already! Where do people around here normally go to kill themselves?" He looked at Riley expectantly; he'd been in the area the longest so he should have some ideas.

[Cobalt Weaver]

Cobalt nodded, frowning slightly. He believed Josh; so they were terrorists. Dammit, something was going on here. He wanted to think about this further, but suddenly, Josh was getting himself all riled up by rattling off the different ways Sean could be killing himself right now. Somehow, Cobalt didn’t think that was going to help. He limped over across the room to sit next to Josh and put a firm hand on his shoulder. “Josh, quit it.” He tried to keep his voice as calm as possible, “You’re going to make yourself sick or something. Worrying about the worst case scenarios isn’t going to help anyone, okay?”

Cobalt watched Josh wander off a ways to talk to the police, listening to Riley’s concerns about Sean with a frown. Finally, he sighed, “I don’t…No. No, he didn’t.” Cobalt looked at Riley thoughtfully before continuing, “Sean wouldn’t do that. It’s irresponsible—not to mention illegal—and he knows that by himself he wouldn’t be able to do any good.” He was going to continue when Josh threw the phone across the room and shouted, making Cobalt jump. “Josh…” Cobalt stood up to face his friend, “Let’s calm down. If you wanna go running around Pilot Ridge in the dark, then we will. But let’s at least be smart about it.”

Cobalt hesitated, “I…honestly don’t think Sean is going off and killing himself. I think he’s doing something else.” He stopped and sighed aggravatedly, trying to figure out why he thought what he did. “Okay. Think of what we know. There was an attack on someone over at the school. Months later, there was an attack on Josh. Ostensibly, judging by the reaction of Sean when I was with him, they were by the same people, or at least affiliated with the same group. Who are terrorists. They don’t like… humans. And they…I don’t know what they want, but I can hazard a guess. It’s been a threat to Hammel, though. And—god I don’t know.” Cobalt growled frustratedly, “I don’t know. But I think, Josh, that Sean is doing something with that. Not killing himself.” Cobalt glanced over at Riley, “…But just in case, it might be better to know if there are certain spots that are more favored for that kind of stuff.”

[Riley Adams]

Just when he thought he would have had to smack Josh across the face for listing down ways for Sean to be killed, Cobalt stepped in and cut his fellow lawyer short. Riley wasn't above violence, he just chose not to participate in it but if push came to shove...Riley didn't want to think about it, not when they were trying to calm the gradually panicking fifty year old man down.

He was glad Cobalt was in agreeance that Sean wouldn't be so stupid as to go at it alone. But it didn't make his worries go away. It might just mean he might have asked his most trusted fellow metas to come up in arms with him. If Riley were to believe the thriller novels he seemed to be geting addicted to nowadays, that is. When Josh had his outburst, Riley's eyes popped open and looked at the damage the phone was in. "Josh..." he breathed softly. Riley had to admit, seeing the older man like this was kind of breaking his heart.

An eyebrow quirked up when Josh turned to face him and even Cobalt turned to look at him, asking him if there were possible places that people went to off themselves. But most importantly, Cobalt had said Josh had been attacked. "Back up, back up. Attack?" Riley looked from Cobalt to Josh in disbelief. He hardly thought this was the time to be selfish and demanded an explanation but by God he was going to be selfish and demand an explanation.

"Was...when you stayed with Sean...you were attacked?" Riley asked, his voice hitching slightly in his throat. "And...and you knew about it, Cobalt?" He was growing a little angry. No, not at Josh. Not at Cobalt. Not even at Sean. What heinous act had Josh ever committed to gain such hatred from Riley and Cobalt's kind? Riley suppressed the anger boiling in him as he tried to concentrate on the matter at hand which seemed to be the askance of a favoured suicide spot?

"Wha - I - ... I don't know... the... the... no, no. The suicide rate in Pilot Ridge is...I dunno, non-existent. I'm...pretty sure there is no preferred spot." Riley frowned, not knowing where to look.

[Joshua Bernstein]

"But what else would he be doing?" Josh snapped in frustration. Neither Riley nor Cobalt seemed to share his concern. He knew they weren't callous enough to allow a depressed man to off himself, but they didn't really seem to understand the situation. "Why would he be doing something with the terrorists? They hate him, they wouldn't listen to him if he tried to talk to them. He wouldn't fight them, so what would he do? And why would he call and leave this...this....message?" He gestured vaguely in the direction of his phone. "It doesn't make sense."

He cast his eyes to the floor at Riley's realization, "Ahhh...well....yes, yes, that was when....and Cobalt knew because he was....he and Sean were the ones who...." He trailed off. Not something he wanted to relive. "Anyway, it doesn't matter! Sean matters! If he's killing himself..." He buried his face in his hands. They didn't get it. Approaching the terrorists would be idiotic, particularly when they had mind control powers. And military training and absolutely no qualms about violence, for that matter.

"There's not....a cliff or....the lake? What about the lake?" Of course, nobody in Pilot Ridge committed suicide. The only crime seemed to be MSAD related. "Listen, the terrorists are terrible, I know that. But Sean would know better than to confront them, they would kill him in a heart beat." Then again, if he was suicidal...."Do you think we should look for him? The police won't, not yet, but...maybe he was right, maybe they are being bought." He considered this unhappily. "....I hope they aren't, I hope they'll be on the look out for him."

[Cobalt Weaver]

“I don’t know,” Cobalt snapped back, not really appreciating Josh’s frustration—however justified—when he was trying to think, “I’m trying to figure it out right now.” He bit the inside of his cheek; snapping at Josh wouldn’t solve anything. It would probably make things worse. So, after casting a helpless look at Riley, he mumbled to Josh, “…Sorry.”

Honestly, Cobalt often forgot that Riley hadn’t been in the loop with that. Pinpricks of guilt itched the back of Cobalt’s mind as he waited for Josh to tell the older man or not. When Josh hastily changed the subject, Cobalt remained relatively quiet, opting only to say: “It wasn’t something I could talk about at the time. I’m sorry.” The idea that this was something Sean would say occurred to Cobalt. It was a little unpleasant.

“No, Riley’s right.” Cobalt muttered, pondering, “The suicide rate of Pilot Ridge in the past decade has been like… two.” He sighed, running a hand through his hair, shadows clinging to him. “No, you’re right. Sean wouldn’t confront them; he’s too aware of his responsibilities as a Hammel official. He wouldn’t do that because it would be putting the school in jeopardy.” He pinched the bridge of his nose, anticipating a pressure headache, “Why…why on earth would the police be bought? Sean knows that small-town police are the most under qualified and understaffed—” He stopped, not wanting to upset Josh any further. “…Look, I’m sure it’ll be fine. The police will keep an eye out for him.”

Cobalt would have really rather not go gallivanting about Pilot Ridge looking for Sean. He didn’t see how that would help much. But then… he couldn’t explain what Sean’s message meant, he couldn’t explain why he wasn’t answering Josh’s call. He couldn’t explain what Sean was doing. He exchanged a glance with Riley before sitting back down on the couch with a sigh, “Okay… I don’t think we should do anything just yet, but we should do something soon. Josh,” Cobalt turned to his friend, “Go and get your phone and put it back together and call Sean back. Then… call…” He paused, worrying his lower lip, “Call Clarisse, or… that other woman from Hammel. Call some of Sean’s friends. See if they know. We’ll go from there.”

[Riley Adams]

Josh and Cobalt snapping did nothing to appease Riley's worry for Josh and, in extension, for Sean. He truly wanted to calm his friends down. It didn't do much good for them to be running around like a chicken with its head cut off. Josh's questions rang true enough but Riley couldn't help but think this was Sean they were talking about. If the telepath had his way, he would negotiate with a traffic light to turn green if he thought that was possible.

The way both his friends avoided his question made Riley uneasy and upset. But he did understand that this wasn't the time and place to be demanding anything from the two who were clearly stressed out about this. Cobalt's 'no comment' statement was something Riley would have expected from Sean - the man was a vault but he didn't expect it to come from Cobalt. Not that the shadow manipulator was gabby or anything but Riley had expected a bit of closure from Cobalt at least.

Damn it, Sean... Riley only shook his head when Josh asked about cliffs and lakes. He was pretty sure nothing he could say would make the lawyer any less worried about his best friend. When Cobalt started speaking about the local police, Riley looked up at him with a slightly surprised look. He personally didn't think the local police force were under qualified. He knew a few of them who took their job rather seriously. Like Officer Burton who helped Mrs. Perry find that boy who kept stealing from her.

Riley scooted a bit to the side to accommodate Cobalt and looked to Josh to see if he was going to do what Cobalt suggested. "Maybe he just went out and forgot his phone or something...maybe he'll come home and try to call you back?" The second eldest in the group suggested meekly. Riley got up and placed a hand on Josh's shoulder. "Maybe you should sit down...pacing isn't helping..." his voice trailed off slightly, not knowing what Josh would do or say.

[Joshua Bernstein]

Call Clarisse or Anya. That was actually not a bad idea, maybe they would say oh, yes, Sean is just in a meeting right now and they would offer some decent explanation for the voice mail that didn't involve death. He could always hope, anyway.

He shrugged off Riley's hand. "I'm not....I'm fine," He tried to keep the tension out of his voice; it was impossible to snap at Riley without feeling enormously guilty. Riley was simply too kind for snappishness to be acceptable. "The suicide rate is that low?" Ordinarily he wouldn't feel quite so dejected by that fact, but he was grasping at straws, hoping for some place to begin looking for his friend. A higher suicide rate, one that included a common suicide location, would have been something.

He sighed as he retrieved his phone, snapping the battery back in. Please, please, please know where he is he prayed silently as he dialed Clarisse's number.

And got her voice mail.

He sighed again, leaving her a brief message that he was looking for Sean and if she knew where he was ask him to call. This process was repeated with Anya. Richard and Ingrid hadn't heard from him. Fine, maybe Ben would know. They volunteered together, after all, and Ben's roommate worked at Hammel. But once again he got voice mail and had to leave a message.

"This is karma, isn't it," He muttered angrily at his phone, "for never remembering to plug you in. Surely someone around here answers their phone and has seen Sean."

He sat down heavily on Cobalt's couch. "Maybe you're right..." He told Riley, running his hands through his hair. "But his message doesn't make any sense if he just went out and forgot his phone. Ugh. I wish he'd been less cryptic, I told him I hate this Delphic oracle stuff, I'm not good at parsing it."

[Cobalt Weaver]

Cobalt could tell what Riley was thinking, and it stung a little bit. Riley trusted him as a friend to not do stuff like this, and Cobalt wasn’t doing a particularly good job earning that trust. He resolved that once this was all over, he would tell Riley everything. Because he could trust Riley with this, and he figured a show of good faith was the least Riley deserved. Just not right now, not in the middle of a particularly baffling crisis. He just hoped Riley would understand.

Voicemail after voicemail, Cobalt started getting more and more suspicious. Where the hell was everyone? Granted, there were still completely mundane explanations, but it was just… weird. Everyone in Sean’s acquaintance was irritatingly not available…

Eyes widening slightly, Cobalt fumbled for his own cell phone, punching in Morgan’s number with an irrational feeling of dread curling up inside him. He waited as the phone rang once, twice, three times…

And then went to voicemail.

Okay. Okay, that was a little scary. Cobalt’s hands trembled slightly as he shut his phone and pocketed it. He let out a deep, steadying breath, trying to keep his features calm. He glanced up at Josh; Cobalt couldn’t be the one freaking out for once. Josh was the one who needed calming down. Cobalt would get to the bottom of this later.

“I don’t blame you,” Cobalt said, unusually quiet as Josh proclaimed his dislike for Sean’s cryptic tendencies, “I would be sick of that crap if I were you.” His cell phone was heavy in his pocket. Whatever Sean was up to, if it involved Morgan in any way…

Cobalt shook his head slightly, “Look, I know this isn’t what you wanna hear right now, Josh. But we can’t just go wandering about looking for him. We won’t do any good and with our luck, he’ll probably call needing some kind of help and we’ll be all the way on the other side of town. The best thing for you to do is stay put, and be ready if he needs you.” At least, that sounded like good advice to Cobalt. “I… think I still have tea, and an abundance of coffee, if you guys want, you can stay here until we hear any news.” He looked at Josh, not wanting him to be by himself. He wasn’t at his most rational, and if nothing else, Riley was a relatively calming presence. Cobalt could just offer coffee, but he supposed it would have to do. Cobalt glanced at Riley, silently asking him to stay, because Cobalt didn’t have any damned idea how to keep things calm.

[Riley Adams]

Riley tried not to show his disappointment when Josh moved away from his touch but rather tried to concentrate on Josh's reassurance that he was fine. The landscaper wanted to believe that, he really did but he knew what worry would do to anyone. He was pretty sure Josh had never been this panicked before. He didn't even care when he got sick.

The biological manipulator sat back down on the couch, not entirely sure what else he could do. He had never been the voice of reason before but he always managed to be the calm one in any situation which people like Josh needed right now. Even Cobalt looked like he needed it so Riley just remained quiet.

Cobalt's suggestion was seconded as Riley nodded. "I'll make us tea. And you can't go back home now. It's a little too late. I think it's better you stay here." Riley stood back up and went to the kitchen to prepare the hot beverage.

As the water boiled, Riley said a little prayer that Sean remained safe, if only to appease Josh. The guy honestly needed to be alive for Josh's sake. If he was really doing what Cobalt and, in part, Riley were thinking he was doing, he better not get himself killed.

Once the tea was ready, he brought the steaming mugs of coffee out and handed his friends one mug each and stood by the window, sipping his own slowly. It was going to be a long night.