Clear Air {Josh}

[Mathis Reeves]

He didn't know what to do anymore. He didn't know how to get the world to make sense again. Time wasn't helping the young boy come up with any answers. Plus it's not like he could go tell his brother what was happening, and he was pretty sure while Ant would be sympathetic the other wasn't going to really understand. So, to the mimic, this really left only one option to find answers- go talk to a stranger. Then would no one would know about his internal debate and no priests would be privy to his possible sinning.

Which explained why Mathis was standing outside the LGBT center on a Saturday when he should be out volunteering with Abraham, or working out Vrases, or painting posters for the latest environmental cause. There he was, standing outside the building staring at it like he was about to be sentenced to death. Had he made a mistake in coming here? Maybe it was a center for only people that were out? Would anyone even be there to help him? Blue eyes widened as a car drove by and instinctively he pulled the hood of his jacket tighter around his face.

That was enough of a reason to spur the mimic into movement, grabbing a hold of the door and entering the building. He was breathing rather hard from his short excursion, like he'd just been running a mile rather than the few feet to enter the LGBT center. Okay... So he might have been overreacting just a tad bit. But he couldn't help it. He'd spent the majority of his life being taught 'fags' were to be made fun of and beaten whenever they were found. Being a fag just didn't happen, and if you were then you were cast out from your home. Matthew could attest to that one...

After a few moments to catch his breath, Mathis pushed the hood off of his hair, peering around the center to find someone who could help him. It only took about two minutes before an older man with glasses was walking through the open area -which Matty assumed was just the entryway- and Mathis instantly perked. Anyone older would definitely be able to help. They'd understand him being torn between God and well... Cameron. They could explain what in the hellfiremonkies was going on. The mimic moved nervously across the floor before grabbing a hold of the man's shirt sleeve gently. "Um... Do... Do y'all do like.. Counseling here or somethin'?"

((He grabbed Josh ))

[Joshua Bernstein]

Josh had a full roster, between work and campaigning and volunteer work and family obligations. He'd only been home briefly between services and his stint at the Center, just long enough to change clothes. Sean was at an after hours appointment at the Institute, which meant he had no reason to linger, and every reason to hurry. Arriving by bike was a longer process than when Sean drove.

There was a meeting in progress for the center's female population, which he certainly wasn't invited to. No young men were present yet, and the paperwork looked to be largely in order. He decided to grab a cup of coffee before checking to see if there were any email announcements that needed to be sent out.

On the way through the foyer he was accosted by a rather desperate sounding teen. It was difficult to make out his expression, since he was doing such a good job of obscuring his face, but the attorney had to imagine that it matched the forlorn tone.

"I'm available if you need someone to talk to," he offered with what was intended to be a reassuring smile. "That's what we're here for. But I'm not a professional therapist. If you want one of those I'd be glad to give you some recommendations."

Sean was a regular volunteer at the center, as was Dr. Rhodes. Either man could offer professional counseling along with an understanding of LGBT issues, and personal experience with some part of the LGBT spectrum.

[Mathis Reeves]

Mathis nodded slowly at the man's words and very slowly he pulled the hood off of his head so his face was visible. Confusion and nervous-ness made him appear even younger than he was and as he tried to pluck up the courage to tell the man what he needed, he toyed with a cross hanging from his neck. Something he'd only recently gotten into the habit of wearing, in hopes opening displaying his faith might appease God enough to not smite him or some such thing.

"Doctor Neville works at ma school..." He let out suddenly. The words weren't exactly the words he was going for, but it was the best he could come up with considering the pressure he felt he was under. Was it normal to feel like your chest was going to collapse from nerves? Taking a few deep breaths, Mathis tried again.

"I'm Mathis... And... Uh... If y'don't mind it, I wouldn't mind talkin' ta you..." There. That came out a bit easier. He rotated the cross carefully as he looked around the foyer, becoming nervous at the idea anyone would be able to see them- to see him if they wanted. "Do y'have an office here...?"

((Sorry. Short))

[Joshua Bernstein]

"There are offices we can use," Josh replied. None of them were his offices specifically, but he could certainly use one for a meeting space. The most helpful part about them was that they all had open windows, so although nobody could hear any private meetings (unless they had powers to that effect) they could see the meetings, which insured that anything untoward between volunteers and their youthful charges was discouraged by more than just the rules and the law.

And of course it meant that false accusations would be more difficult, as well.

"Mathis. It's a pleasure to meet you. I'm Josh Bernstein."

Josh swept one hand toward the cluster of offices, inviting the boy to follow him. They found an empty office, and Josh shut the door behind them. He sat his cup of coffee on the desk, then gestured at the folding chairs that occupied the small space.

He wasn't always the most observant of people, but he had seen the necklace the boy was fidgeting with. This gave him some inkling of what the issue might be, which could prove difficult. Although there was some religious objection to homosexuality in his own faith, there was a vastly different culture and also no concept of Hell such as the Christians had.

But perhaps religion wasn't the issue. Several of his friends were Christian and also gay; this was not unheard of, particularly in Pilot Ridge. Maybe he shouldn't jump to conclusions and should instead allow the boy to speak for himself.

"What did you wish to talk about?"

[Mathis Reeves]

Mathis nodded his head as the older man responded, not sure what else to do. Sure, he'd worked up the courage to come here. But now he was regretting the decision. It was much more open in the center than he'd thought it be. But as he glanced over his shoulder to look at the exit, Mathis came to a conclusion he'd gotten this far- he could continue. Besides it wasn't like he could go find a priest to help him. The priest might throw him out... Or try to commit him to some kind of reform camp thing he'd heard his parents whisper about so many years ago.


The pressure in his chest was only getting worse as he followed the man toward the offices. How was he supposed to find the words to explain what was going on in his head? Granted, to anyone else this might have been a fairly simple thing to admit- questioning your sexuality. But the whole idea of going to hell just for maybe, possibly, thinking of a certain blonde as more than a friend was sending him into a spiral he wasn't really ready to deal with. The business that happened during the movie marathon is really what prompted the mimic to come here. After all, regardless of what he chose it wasn't really normal to freak out so much by a simple touch.

Walking into the small office, Mathis quickly looked around to get his bearings. He could already tell this would be nothing like he was expecting -hoping- since the office was visible for anyone to peek into. Who knew who could be walking by, prying into the room to see who was inside. For all the mimic knew they could take pictures or something and then everyone would know he'd come here.

Mathis ducked his head, hand clutching the necklace tighter as he sat down in one of the folding chairs. He sat rather straight against the back of the chair, blue eyes looking up from the floor to study the man before him that had asked the question. Right. He was here for a reason. The lump formed in his throat once more as he tried to speak, but he swallowed thickly to try and dislodge it.

"I...." He ducked his head once more, swallowing again. "I think I might be gay... But... But that's bad, right? I mean Mama said.." He trailed off into silence as he gently spun the cross in his fingers.

[Joshua Bernstein]

Josh considered Mathis's words for a moment, taking in the panicked expression on the younger man's face and the tense body language.

"Would I be here if I thought it was bad?" He asked at last. He was working at a center specifically to help LGBT Youth, so he thought it was evident that he didn't condemn minority gender or sexual identities. But clearly this was bothering the teenager. And although Vermont in general and Pilot Ridge in particular were more LGBT friendly than the nation at large, that didn't mean there were no bigots to be found, or that the wider cultural expectations wouldn't present any pressures upon the younger generation.

"When I was young, homosexuality was considered a mental illness. I was in Junior High when it was finally taken out of the DMV, but it was taken out. When I was in my first relationship, I was breaking the law. But that's no longer the case, either. So the law and the mental health profession don't believe it's bad. Is there a reason that you think it might be bad?"

May as well let the boy state his reasons on his own, so that they could be addressed properly.

[Mathis Reeves]

Mathis' eyes flicked up from their spot on the floor and he looked at Josh curiously. He'd known that other people were gay, and he didn't condemn them for it. After all most of his closest friends happened to be gay. Like Antosha, the tallest person he'd met aside from Sean, and also the guy who would never look at a girl like that. Even his own brother was gay and Mathis still loved him.

But despite all that. Despite all of them continuing to live without God smiting them... Mathis knew his good luck wouldn't last. God would chose to smite him in order to make an example for all the others. His parents would never love him. As if they loved him now, which wasn't the case, but Mathis couldn't let go of his hope that one day his parents would pick up the phone when he called.

He listened as Josh spoke and he frowned slightly. He'd known about it being against the law and a mental illness so long ago, and sometimes he wondered if it made him stupid for being so caught up in his confusion. But then he remembered he was scared of a higher being than human laws.

"God says its bad." He said simply, clutching the cross tightly. "It ain't natural for a guy to like a guy and he's... I mean everyone else is safe but he's gunna pick me to smite and then Mama's gunna know that I might like guys and then they'll never answer..."

[Joshua Bernstein]

Josh frowned at the invocation of God. This was what he had been afraid of, particularly as the young man trailed off while musing about parents. The threat of parental love denied with God as an excuse was a powerful tool for those who desired it. It wasn't a tool the attorney approved of, but he didn't have much of an arsenal to combat this with.

Not it Mathis truly believed he was condemned or that his parents would withhold love from him for this.

"I'm afraid that I'm not God, but it is possible to reconcile faith with your sexuality. There are some gay affirming congregations in the area. I know I'm not the only gay man at my synagogue. I'm no theologian, but I do know there are some ahh...disagreements over translations regarding God's view on same sex attraction. I would have to find sources for you, if you're interested in reading some view points that don't think he will smite you."

He was going to have to ask some of his friends for church suggestions, because he certainly didn't keep up with what the local options were and Sean hadn't attended in decades. Still, if it would help the poor young man before him then finding out what churches were friendly would be worth it.

"As for your parents, I can't say how they will react. But if you knew they would welcome home a boyfriend, how would that change how you feel now?"

[Mathis Reeves]

It wasn't that God was an excuse for Mathis. It was a real reason. But the main reason guiding Mathis' hesitance on the whole Cameron front was his parents. God, unfortunately, was taking a back burner on the issue of why Mathis didn't want to admit he liked Cameron more than what was acceptable. Which Mathis was pretty sure wasn't going to earn him any favors with the big guy.

Mathis looked up some as Josh spoke, the fingers twirling the cross stilling some. He blinked in confusion. The idea that there were congregations that accepted gay men was a foreign one to him- even if he himself might be apart of one. He actually wasn't sure. Matthew had gotten busy so neither of them had time to go to church anymore- well Matthew didn't have time, Mathis just didn't have a ride seeing as his only other ride giver was a strict atheist. Probably for good reason, even if Mathis didn't agree with the whole 'life without God' thing. "I thought... I mean... There weren't places like that back home. There mighta been one.. But it kinda.." He paused some before sighing and ducking his head, mumbling the last of his thoughts in hopes no one would hear. "Got burned down." The shame in his voice was audible, and if only for a moment, out shined the confusion.

With that possible solution, Mathis smiled only slightly and quickly shook his head at the older man's scenario/question/thing. "Wouldn't matter... They'd still slam the door shut..." His voice was quiet now, head still ducked. The problem he was having wasn't that his parent's wouldn't accept (though they wouldn't in any case) it was simply that he missed his parents. He was trying to justify any reason there could be for why they hated him, trying to make up for being a meta by being a perfect son so they might -finally- take him back.

[Joshua Bernstein]

Josh listened intently, wishing that he had Sean's training. It seemed as if there were several strands to this knot, and he didn't know what questions to ask to figure out where it all began.

Church seemed like the easiest place to begin, even if it wasn't necessarily the root of the problems.

"I know there's a website that helps you locate gay affirming congregations in your area," he mused, pulling out his phone. "Let me find it, hold on."

He began typing furiously into his search bar, then. "Ah! It's gay church dot org. That seems easy enough to remember, and they even list the theological arguments for why you won't be smited."

He handed his phone to Mathis so that the boy could preview the site for himself.

Parental acceptance was a more difficult problem, not least because Josh knew absolutely nothing about them or Mathis' family situation.

"Why would they slam the door in your face?"

[Mathis Reeves]

If life were meant to be simple, it would come with a road map. Or at least, that's what Matthew always told his brother. Which didn't actually help Mathis right now, but it brought a little comfort remembering that phrase.

He nodded some when Joshua spoke, trying to hide the obvious interest in his eyes. Even if it was a foreign idea Mathis couldn't deny that it was a nice thought. Maybe the churches for gay people would be even nicer than the churches back home. Though... Mathis didn't really want anyone flirting with him.

At the name of the site Mathis had to laugh even as nervous as he was. Who would name a site something so obvious? He reached out to take the phone from Josh, a small smile pulling at his lips as he realized it was in fact named gay church dot org. The brief thought crossed his mind that even God had to laugh at the audacity.

His grip on the phone tightened and his smile faded when they came back around to his parents. Right. He'd brought it up, opened the barrel of monkeys. It wasn't like he could just shut the lid again.

"Um..." He kept his eyes on the screen, trying to figure out how to search the Pilot Ridge area for churches. He'd already mentioned Dr. Neville taught at his school, so hopefully the man would know Hammel's secret. Not that it was strictly necessary but still. "Ma parents... They kicked me out 'bout three years ago... They ain't fans of metas and when they found out I was. Well, they ain't picked up the phone since." He explained quietly, biting his lower lip in a mixture of shame and sadness.

[Joshua Bernstein]

Josh tried to suppress the expression of horror he wanted to make at Mathis' confession regarding his parents. It wasn't an uncommon reaction, for parents to distance themselves from children who had manifested, but he still found the notion horrid. Their stance on homosexuality was really a lesser concern here, in his mind, since they had already severed ties.

But he doubted that was an appropriate remark to make. The boy was clearly distressed about it, after all, and the attorney couldn't blame him. He was in his fifties and still desired parental approval. Although he knew that some people were able to overcome parental rejection easily, he couldn't fault anyone who found themselves in turmoil over this situation.

"And they haven't talked to you since then?"

He wondered if Mathis has been attempting contact for all this time. Three years, and he still hasn't given up hope that they could change their minds and accept him, powers and all. Unfortunately Josh's experiences both with friends and with his work had taught him the sort of reconciliation that the teen was hoping for rarely happened.

He rubbed his thumb over his chin as he considered what he had been told. There were so many complicated factors at work here, and he wasn't sure what would benefit the boy the most.

"Do you want to talk about that? Or do you want to stick with sexuality? I would encourage you to talk to Sean -- I mean, Dr. Neville -- later. I know I'm biased, since he's my partner, but I've found that he's absolutely right when he says talking about difficulties can help coping."

[Mathis Reeves]

Mathis was studying the screen so intently -verging on desperate- that he didn't notice the expression of horror on Joshua's face. He wouldn't have been surprised by it in any case though. His family situation wasn't one he willingly talked about, but he talked about it more times than he was willing to count. Summer always did that to him, always pulled him back into memories of what it had been like back at home. Back before everything in his life changed.

He knew the likelihood of his family ever speaking to him was none at best. After all it had been fourteen years for Matthew and he'd yet to get their parents to talk to them. But Mathis couldn't accept the fact he was alone in the world, that he had no parents, no one to talk to except for Matthew. Who he really couldn't bother much longer, since he was always busy with work. So Mathis still sent letters and tried calling and wound up getting more and more upset until he would give up for the winter. Then summer came around and the process started all over.

Blue eyes finally flicked up from the screen as he looked at Joshua, and he nodded briefly. "The phone calls never go through... Cards for holidays get sent back... Letters returned unopened.." He explained gingerly, slowly holding the phone back out to Joshua. "S'not the worst... M'brother's been a meta for fourteen years, they haven't contacted him either." The was a pause before he went back to explaining. "It's not... That they just stop talkin' ta me. But, when m'brother became a meta they treated everything like he didn't exist. He didn't die, he didn't move, he wasn't an abomination. He just... There never was a Matthew Reeves. They never had a son other than me."

Mathis' eyes couldn't help widening when he listened to Josh's words. Dr. Neville had a...? He was...? How had Matty never heard about this? More importantly- "Are you two married?" The words were rather rushed, and a look of surprised confusion pulled at his features. "Oh um... Naw... Y'don't need ta be bothered by m'stuff... We should stick with sexuality?"

[Joshua Bernstein]

"We will talk about whatever you wish to talk about," Josh assured Mathis, although he was beginning to think that perhaps the parental figures and their metaphobia were an important topic, one that Mathis would benefit from discussing. After all, he knew what his parents were doing, had seen it done before to his brother. That had to hurt in ways that the attorney couldn't even begin to comprehend.

"And we aren't married, not by the courts. But we are committed. Marriage isn't the only way to show that."

Although the showy symbolism was appealing to Josh it was decidedly not of interest to his partner, and he had conceded on that point. Not that a student needed to know that; it wasn't even something he told his peers or friends.

"So you said you think you might be gay, is there a ahhh catalyst for this thought?"

[Mathis Reeves]

Mathis nodded gently at Josh's assurances, eager to leap onto any topic that didn't make him feel like his skin was getting rubbed raw by sandpaper. The mimic shifted uncomfortably in his seat, eyes going from the floor to Josh and back again a few times before the man spoke again.

He felt his heart leap at the idea of another topic, even if it was one that made Mathis mildly uncomfortable. If only because of his own problems with sexuality. Matty was sure that if he didn't think he might be gay then he wouldn't have a problem with gay marriage. Or lack thereof for Josh and Sean. "Couldn't... Y'know... Just wear the rings?" The confusion the younger boy felt was evident. He didn't know if he was allowed to say what he was saying, or hell... Matty just didn't know how that whole gay marriage went down.

The next question had Matty ducking his head, scratching at the back of his neck. "Y..Yeah... Um... His name is, um, Cam." He fumbled out, once again uncomfortable as the topic turned back to his problems. Oh why did he ever think this could be a good idea?