Time Warp: She Moves On (Josh)

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Late November, 2003…


The trip from Long Island to Manhattan had done nothing to make Sean feel better. Instead, being stuck on public transportation had given him plenty of time to replay recent events.

It had been the last straw. Kathleen’s prejudices were nothing new, had existed for decades, but the confrontation and explosion in that setting, with people around and the accusations she had made...

The telepath didn’t expect much from life, not comparatively, but some measure of understanding from family did not strike him as unreasonable.

No matter. She had drawn the line in the sand, and he had given the patented Sean Neville response. Choosing not to argue while still expressing his displeasure through body language.

By the time he had arrived in Manhattan, it was dark, and the air had enough of a chill that he tightened his coat around his frame.

He had called Josh’s apartment to see if he was home. Reaching only the voice mail, he realized that his friend was probably at his parents’ apartment. Fortunately, Sean had been welcome at the Bernstein residence for the past twenty-five years.

He masked his current emotional state with a smile, as he asked whether Josh could come out and play. That they were both in their mid-forties had no bearing on the question; it only made it amusing.

Five minutes later, both men were on the streets, walking vaguely towards Central Park.

“I need a drink,” he announced with a sigh. “But I shouldn’t tonight.”

He hadn’t given details yet about what had brought him to Manhattan at this hour, but he would get there as soon as he gave himself permission to vent.

[Joshua Bernstein]

Josh had been both surprised and delighted when Sean had shown up at his parents' home. Her donned his coat before taking leave of the elder Bernsteins to spend the night with his oldest friend.

"No drink?" He echoed in curiosity. "What about coffee? Or tea?"

[Dr. Sean Neville]

The fact that Sean’s gaze did not fall on his friend and instead focused more on the telepath’s feet than anywhere else served as an indicator that his thoughts were less than happy. However, he managed to nod, confirming that he thought that drinking tonight would only make him feel worse.

Even the suggestion of coffee or tea failed to perk him up, instead causing him to lapse into silent contemplation for a long moment. He required no caffeine boost, as the argument had filled him with tension, and, knowing him, he would find himself wired for hours, far beyond when he would want to sleep. He should not exacerbate that.

Tea might calm him. Or...

“Tea or cocoa, I think,” he remarked. Tea would do nothing to add to his nerves, even if it failed to counteract his bad mood. Hot cocoa was soothing in its own right, due to his sweet tooth and the fact that it harkened back to happier moments of youth.

With that, Sean ran his fingers through his hair, a gesture he used to calm himself.

“I’m sorry,” he added, finally lifting his head to look over at his friend. “It hasn’t been the best of nights.”

[Joshua Bernstein]

Josh's mouth turned down into a frown of concern as he took in body language that signaled his friend was withdrawing. The comment only proved that his observations were correct; despite the lighthearted greeting this wasn't a visit born from affectionate desire for companionship.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Truthfully, Sean did want to talk about it. He desperately wanted to describe what had transpired, wanted to provide as much detail to his friend so that he could understand how he felt in this moment. The telepath wanted the support; he needed the support, and he currently had no other avenue through which to receive it.

Robert’s health had declined, and this was an unfair burden to place on his ailing and widowed mentor. Sean did not want to involve his parents in the situation; that this had occurred while the Neville patriarch and matriarch were abroad on an anniversary trip served as the one silver lining in the entire mess. Sean was forty-six years old, and Kathleen was forty-three years old; they could not, and should not, involve their parents in an inter-sibling dispute. That was unfair to their parents, to be placed in the middle of the situation, and, in the end, it would be unfair to Kathleen who would inevitably feel as though the rest of the family had turned against her. Even though she was the one who had turned against the telepath.

Although Sean was dating Alex, and their relationship was serious, the winged man had gone to visit his family for the holidays. Alex had never come out to his family, and he had no intention of doing so; this caused some friction between the two men, something that the telepath did not want to start up again tonight. He also did not want to risk outing Alex by calling him at his family home, nor to be rejected because the winged man could not talk due to his need to hide their relationship.

Besides, Josh was Sean’s closest friend in the entire world.

“I do, but...” His voice trailed off as a thought occurred to him, and he lifted his head to glance at the attorney. “What about the Turkish bathhouse? They have tea, and I could use someplace isolated.”

[Joshua Bernstein]

Josh glanced down at his wrist at Sean's suggestion. Determining that it wasn't yet too late for the bath house to be open he nodded in agreement. "Let's do that."

Despite the fact that he was the current resident of the City and Sean a visitor, he fell into line slightly behind the other man. Directions were never one of his talents, and although they'd been to the bath house a few times he never went alone, and thus his sense of which train to take to get there wasn't exactly what one would call accurate.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Fortunately, Sean had an excellent sense of direction, and he was good with maps. He recalled quite clearly how to get to the Turkish bath house, particularly since the elder Bernsteins had resided at the same apartment since the telepath had first met Josh. That provided them with a simple landmark.

The walk to the subway was quick, as they lined so many street junctures in this area of Manhattan. They only had to wait for a few minutes before the train arrived, and, given the hour of the night and the night itself, most people were with their families. As such, they were able to claim two seats, for which Sean felt grateful. Emotional weariness took a physical toll, and the train ride would be long enough.

When they reached their stop in the Village, Sean led his friend off the subway, up the stairs, and out of the station. Only a couple of blocks and they arrived at the bath house.

Thankfully, it was open into the wee hours of the night. The telepath breathed a sigh of relief as he stepped over the threshold.

It was only once he and his friend were in the locker room to change into towels that he remarked, “Kathleen and I had another argument.”

Another as the continuation from the July 4th barbecue.

[Joshua Bernstein]

Josh felt his stomach drop at Sean's proclamation, a distress that was entirely on his friend's behalf since Kathleen already didn't like him. "Oh. What was it about this time?"

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean wrapped his towel tightly around his waist and then slumped down on the bench in the locker room. He would prefer to have this conversation in the sauna, but he had made the first statement, he had started it, and his friend had only asked in order to allow him the emotional release that he craved.

Rather than answer immediately, he shook his head to himself as he relived the events of the evening with his sister. Her words had been hurtful, more so because of the sheer depth of the vitriol.

He looked down at his bare feet as they rested against the cool linoleum. He was far too tall, had been tall for so long that he did not remember what it felt like for his feet or legs to dangle when he sat. He did not yearn for that, although it might give physical manifestation to his sense of emotional helplessness.

“About how I ruined her life.” The telepath sighed and did not move his gaze, did not turn to look at his friend.

It might sound like a melodramatic exaggeration, if one was not familiar with Kathleen’s prejudices and how carefully Sean chose his words when he spoke.

[Joshua Bernstein]

Josh ran one hand through his hair in exasperation as he considered Sean's response. "How did you ruin her life this time?"

He wanted to engage in light banter, but everything he came up with sounded too flippant in his mind for Sean's obvious mental distress. Instead he chose to rest one hand on Sean's shoulder in what he hoped was a gesture of encouragement.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Josh’s hand was warm on his shoulder, as it lay against his bare flesh. Truly, he appreciated that he could be here, now, with his closest friend. The telepath had not had the opportunity to call Alex yet, and he doubted that he would be able to do so until after the holidays had passed, once the winged man had safely returned home. This left him otherwise in an emotional void. Thank Heavens for his best friend.

Still, that was not enough to cause him to perk up. His eyes remained on his feet.

“For ‘my lifestyle.’” Although he did not spit the word contemptuously, his flat tone denoted how little he cared for that phrase, and how he did not think it applied to the sum total of his identity or his life. If that had been all that she had said, he would have brushed it off. After all, Kathleen had made similar accusations before, about how promiscuous she perceived him to be, although that could not be further from the truth. He knew that she disapproved of his politics, of his social beliefs, of his romantic pursuits, and of his career.

Her accusations tonight had gone far beyond her typical grousing.

[Joshua Bernstein]

Blue eyes narrowed in anger at the answer his friend gave. Whatever disagreements one might have with Sean, surely anyone could see that the telepath was a good person, someone to admire rather than to revile. And surely his sister of all people should know this! Despite not being out to his family, Josh couldn't imagine his siblings accusing him of ruining their lives for his romantic choices; even if he came out to them, even if they were sad, he didn't think that was the tack they would take.

"She may feel that way, but you've only been a blessing in my life." Josh assured the other man, hoping to cheer him up even slightly.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Coming out to families was a topic that Sean attempted to avoid. He had intimate knowledge and understanding of his friend’s concerns. The telepath had been met with relatively minor backlash from his family, even with Kathleen’s vitriol tonight; that was about far more than his sexual orientation. Despite how much more religious and conservative the Neville family was, they had not banished their son. Sean thought that Josh’s family would accept him, but it was not his place to pressure.

As it was, it was frustrating enough that Alex was not out to his family. His place in the closet was why Sean could not call his own boyfriend during this difficult emotional time.

“Thank you.” He did not smile, although he truly did appreciate hearing that. “I feel the same way about you.” The telepath was not shy in telling his friend how grateful he was for their friendship.

He shook his head and sighed again, before finally lifting his head to look over at the younger man. “She told me that she doesn’t want me in her life anymore.” His voice remained flat as he recounted this.

It hurt. Despite their disagreements, he loved Kathleen. She was his baby sister, and he had thought that such feelings were reciprocal.

[Joshua Bernstein]

Josh stared slack-jawed at this revelation. "Pardon?" He gasped at last, voice thin from holding his breath in disbelief. It had never occurred to him that this was the depths Sean's sister might sink to. Sure, she was wrong about almost everything, but she'd managed not to immediately disown her brother, so why would she do so now? He couldn't understand it.

What he did understand was that his best friend was in pain and needed support. He gently squeezed Sean's shoulder in sympathy. "I'm so sorry."

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean’s immediate reaction to her demand had been more coherent; after all, he had been present for the argument and had both decades of experience with his sister and telepathy at his disposal. He knew her temper. She was quicker to anger than the telepath was, which people who did not know better joked was the result of her fiery red hair. Kathleen hated that joke, which was why nobody in her immediate social circle made it more than once.

Sean did not smile to show his appreciation; truly, his heart was not in the empty gesture. Instead, he reached up to clasp his friend’s hand as it rested on his shoulder, to communicate his gratitude through touch.

“Thank you.” Those words were less flat, although they held the same weariness as his admission when they had left the Bernstein’s apartment building.

Sean lapsed into silence again for a several moments. When he finally broke it, he said, “It wasn’t worth arguing with her about; I don’t argue when people want me out of their life.” Every break up he had experienced followed that same theme. “But she said a lot of hurtful things tonight. I didn’t give her the satisfaction of knowing that.”