I'm ready to wallow now (Marnie)

[Karalie Heise]

Karalie had done her best to keep busy since her last meeting with Luke.  She did everything she could to distract herself from the anger and hurt, willing herself not to cry over the boy (again) because he simply wasn't worth it.  She'd even gone so far as to purposely grab memories from things just to keep her mind from wandering to him.  Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't, but in the end she knew she needed to confront herself with her grief.  She needed to mourn that he wasn't the person he said he was, or she thought he was.  Maybe he really wanted to be, but he wasn't and probably never would be.  Knowing this didn't make it hurt any less, though.

The dorm was too loud for Karalie, and by loud she meant too full of her roommates and one in particular's gay lover.  Karalie put her headphones on, but it wasn't enough to drown out the noise and she was feeling barricaded in there.  It was getting to her, feeling so lonely and claustrophobic and certain people's presence made her think of Luke more.  She needed to get out.  She needed to wallow.  She needed to eat ice cream and popcorn and go watch the Notebook and cry and yell at the beautiful Ryan Gosling for not really existing, the stupid schmuck.  Grabbing a bag of microwave popcorn and a container of Ben & Jerry's that she had been hoarding for just such an occasion, she made a hasty departure heading straight for the lounge, bundled in too many layers.  It was getting late but she didn't care.

The lounge was, thankfully, quiet.  There were a handful of kids doing their thing, but for the most part it didn't seem to be buzzing, which was a huge relief.  She did a quick scan for Luke and was relieved he wasn't there.  In fact, she didn't recognize anyone as a real threat.  She made her way to the free TV and flipped it on before setting up the film.  Once the blockbuster was started she turned and dropped her bag on the couch and stripped her coat off before going to pop her popcorn.  By the time she was through the DVD's menu was up and she snuggled in to watch her movie, pulling the lid off her ice cream, ready to dig right on in.  This was exactly what she needed; hope that there was a Noah out there for her.

[Marnie Sullivan]

The lounge wasn't a place Marnie considered a favorite haunting ground, her visits there being few and far between. During her early years at Hammel, the place spooked her a little; every time she ventured in, it felt like it was full of other students, already comfortably grouped up, little social bubbles of people Marnie couldn't approach without feeling intimidated. Even now that she'd reached senior year, had made friends and connections, she still avoided the place out of habit.

Today, though, was an exception, because Marnie had stopped by not once but twice. The first time had been to unwind after classes with a few of her chemistry classmates, where they chattered away about the upcoming break and mostly ignored the television show playing in front of them except to poke fun at the low-quality special effects. Now she was returning, alone and looking distinctly more agitated; only minutes ago she'd realized her call phone was missing, and she was retracing her steps from that afternoon.

I know I had it after lunch, Marnie recounted for the eighth time in her head as she hurried back into the lounge. It was much quieter now; good. That would make it easier to search. I took it out of my pocket while we watched TV... I thought I put it back but it wasn't there when I got back to the dorms...  She made a beeline for the couch she and her classmates had occupied earlier that day, mildly relieved to see it wasn't crowded with people she would have to disturb so that she could dig under the cushions. Just one person, as a matter of fact. Well, hopefully they'd be understanding.

Or they could be Karalie, Marnie realized with a sinking feeling when she was close enough to recognize her. 

In the wake of the split between Karalie and Lucas, Marnie had hoped that she and the former beauty queen could return to some semblance of normal as teammates, if not as friends. She had been able to resist any "I told you so"'s; although Luke had indeed gone and made a mess of things, as she'd warned, Marnie couldn't bring herself to rub it in the other girl's face. And then a few weeks ago their shared ex had pulled Marnie aside to "confess" his love for her. It had been hanging over her head every time she'd seen Karalie at practice or council meetings, but it just seemed callous to mention it. The chameleon had half a mind to spin on her heel and return to her dorm. If only she hadn't lost her phone...

"Hey, Karalie," she tried, after clearing her throat to get her attention. "Sorry to bother you, but I think I left my phone here... Can I take a look around real quick?"

[Karalie Heise]

"Come on, you'll like him.  He's veeery funny." Karalie's heart clenched as her eyes focused on the television.  "Duke" escorted the older lady to a sunroom and already her breathing began to waiver at the sadness.  She'd seen it all before, she knew what the end held for those two people. "Alright now, where did we leave off?" She sniffled and pulled the lid off her ice cream, though she wasn't sure she could eat just yet. "Oh yeah, yeah.. It was the night of the carnival.  Noah was there with his friends Finn and Sarah" "Noah?" "That's where they met.  June 6, 1940. Ally was seventeen years old."

It was the greeting that startled her.  Karalie had been so wrapped up in the movie that she didn't notice someone coming over, and when Marnie greeted her she actually jumped, the yelling of the teenagers at the carnival booming from the television.  Her head whipped to the side, her eyes slightly widened as she looked up at the girl who had once been simply an acquaintance but now.. They had shared Luke and somehow this made her warm toward the other girl rather than hate her as had once been the case.  If anyone could understand what Karalie was going through, it was Marnie.  She'd tried warning her once, but Karalie wouldn't hear it.  She was a girl scorned and Kara had been the shiny new replacement.  Luke loved her, it was different with her than with Marnie, he'd said so.  Thoughts of the stolen memories from Like of having kissed the girl had long since been pushed to the back of her mind with the recent overload of memories

Marnie asked if she could look around for her phone and Karalie hesitated for a second before shaking her head.  "Be my guest." She drawled softly turning her head to the TV once more as Marnie went poking around.  "You wanna dance with me?" "No." Why not?" "Cause I don't want to." Karalie chuckled softly, spooning a bite of ice cream into her mouth as she watched the adorable Noah stare after Ally as she walked off.  Her heart ached at the way the boy watched his future wife walk away.  Luke looked at her that way, but it wouldn't be Luke telling her stories about how they'd met once her dementia kicked in.  

"Ya'll ever see this movie?" She asked Marnie, eyes briefly following the girl. "Th'greatest love story there ever was?"  Karalie sighed feeling the hot tears threaten at her eyes.  "Boy's like Noah Callhoun jus' do not exist." She practically whispered staring longingly at the beefcake scale the ferriswheel to get closer to the girl of his dreams.  "They jus' don'."

[Marnie Sullivan]

"Thank you." Marnie began to root purposefully underneath the cushion that Karalie didn't occupy, the banter of the lovers-to-be washing over them both. With any luck, she'd be out of there quickly - the ice cream? The tiny sniffles emitting from her classmate? The quintessential romantic movie on TV? It didn't take a genius to put it all together. Karalie had settled in for some good old-fashioned therapy, and Marnie was surely the last person she wanted intruding upon it. So it was a relief that Marnie felt her fingers close around something hard and rectangular; but before she could extricate it and skedaddle, she'd been caught in Karalie's sights once again.

"...Yeah, a couple of times," she replied, glancing over her shoulder at the screen where Ryan Gosling stood, taunting them both. Marnie pulled her phone out - it had been her phone after all, thank god - and pocketed it, before perching herself carefully on the same cushion she'd just been digging under. Karalie wasn't exactly shooing her away, and it was one of her favorite movies (a couple of times? Please!) ...but she'd be ready to scoot in case the other girl came to her senses and chased her off.

"I don't know, maybe they do in college," Marnie suggested half-heartedly. Probably not, though, she thought as she sunk into a lean, chin in her hand, elbow on her knee. Not as the whole package, anyway. She knew exactly where to find a boy with that cocksure facade, one who'd pull dumb stunts to impress her - one who already had, in fact. But that was as far as the cinematic magic went.

When Ally achieved some small comeuppance, pantsing Noah for every carnival-goer to see, Marnie heaved a sigh and turned to Karalie. "So who's the bigger idiot, him or us?" she asked.

[Karalie Heise]

Karalie certainly didn't mind the girl taking a seat.  If anything she liked the company, even if it was Marnie.  The whole reason she'd even disliked the girl at all was because of Luke and their history. The things that happened between she and Marnie were because of him, and had they never met Luke.. Karalie wondered if in another life they could've actually be friends.  Not just acquaintances.  

She snorted and shook her head.  "I don' think so." She sighed and watched the gorgeous Noah get that sexy look of determination on his face when he realized Ally wasn't going to be giving him the time of day.  Noah reminded her a bit of Lucas there.  How long had she brushed him off?  How often had she tucked the idea away of him being someone special to her? Then when she finally caved, at his constant plea, he turned around and hurt her in the worst way.  Why couldn't he be like Noah?  

Marnie's comment pulled her attention from the television to the girl beside her, and her dark eyes met blue matches.  Who was the bigger idiot?  She knew the "him" she was referring to wasn't Noah and her shoulders slumped, that sad glazed look she'd worn so often creeping back.  "Him." She finally offered in a soft voice, eyes peering back at the television.  "That boy'll never know happiness. An' we'll be th'ones in th'end who do."  Or so she told herself.  Marnie wasn't the enemy, Marnie was another victim of an idiot teenage boy.  Karalie sighed and leaned back, slouching a little before offering her ice cream to the girl beside her.  "If I eat all that, I'ma get fat." Was her excuse.  "Ya'll need tuh eat some uh that so I have a better shot uh gettin' me a Noah."  A small glimmer of a smile sparkled on her lips as she watched Noah start to walk Ally home.

[Marnie Sullivan]

In that moment, Marnie was grateful that the lounge was mostly empty. She wasn't totally sure what had made her blurt out her question, but surely it was their relative solitude that allowed Karalie to answer so openly. It was worlds away from the last time Marnie had attempted a personal conversation with her and it frankly sucked that it took Lucas hurting them both for them to connect, but maybe it was better than nothing.

So it was with a smile that Marnie accepted the offer of ice cream, after tucking her ankles underneath herself to sit cross-legged on the cushion she'd just been searching.

"Oh, I see," Marnie said, spooning a dollop of the offered treat into her mouth. "Gotta get me fat so when he suddenly shows up, he picks you instead? That's harsh, Kara." But when she said it, she threw the other girl a wink and a grin to show she'd been joking. All the time wasted on worrying about who Lucas cared for most, when they weren't even sure he could make up his own mind, had been exactly that - wasted. No need to start a fight over another boy, even a hypothetical one.

[Karalie Heise]

It was almost comforting having someone with her who could understand what she was going through on some level.  Both scorned by the same person, though Karalie was certain it hadn't been so bad for Marnie.  He hadn't slept with someone while they were seeing each other.

"I never claimed tuh play fair on th'field." She teased back with a little smirk opening the bag of popcorn.  The smell of salt and butter exploded from the paper bag, likely permeating across the lounge.  Popcorn had a way of doing that.  She offered some to Marnie as they continued to watch the movie, Noah running up to Ally on the street and asking about their date.  Karalie sighed, wondering if someone could ever love her like that, right off the bat, see her and just have to have her.  Promise to be anything she wanted so long as she'd let them be hers.

Lucas had sort of been like that.  He could do anything with that mimic ability of his, and he worked so hard to obtain her.  He had to have her.. but it was so short lived she wondered how sincere it had been to begin with.  "Ya'll still talk tuh him?" She asked suddenly, taking the ice cream back from Marnie and trying not to look at her, the question burning on her tongue.  "Like.. ya'll friends or anythin'?"

[Marnie Sullivan]

Marnie dug a handful of popcorn out of the bag with another "thanks" and turned back to the tv screen, popping a couple of pieces into her mouth. This wasn't nearly as awkward as she'd been afraid of; it was even kind of fun, she thought, until she heard Karalie let out a sigh and felt her stomach sink.

Sure, she'd had time to process her own breakup and get on with her life. Lucas' "confession" was still fresh in her mind, but it had been over quickly. Cheating, though... It wasn't at all what she'd had in mind when she'd tried to warn Karalie months ago, but now that it had happened, Marnie supposed she wasn't surprised. And it wasn't even that long ago, was it? God, no wonder the poor girl was still in the "junk food and unattainably attractive actors" stage of grief.

She had just tossed in another bite of popcorn when Karalie sprung her question, on boy of which Marnie promptly choked. With the hand that had been holding the now-surrendered ice cream, she tried to stifle her coughing fit. After a moment she emerged, eyes watering but able to breathe.

"Not really," she replied, voice still a bit hoarse. "I mean, he mentioned a while back he wanted to be, but I wasn't... I just don't think I was ready for it, you know? And then he met you and just kind of..." Marnie shrugged. "Stopped."

Until a few weeks ago, at least. Should she mention it now? Karalie could probably benefit from an opportunity to cry and moan about how the boy was obviously the worst person on the face of the earth, but she still seemed pretty ...fragile. Maybe it would be too much to tack "hit up ex-girlfriend for insincere rebound" to his laundry list of crimes, at least for now.

[Karalie Heise]

Karalie was almost relieved that Lucas hadn't bothered to try and be friends with Marnie.  Not after she was with him, anyway.  It would have hurt to know that he'd sued Marnie as a rebound or tried to be her friend.  Luke seemed interested in staying in touch with Karalie at first, but when things didn't go accordingly.. She sighed and stared at the screen before nodding slowly.  

"I'm sorry if I messed anythin' up for yah." Her voice was soft, almost as if she didn't want the other girl to hear her weak apology.  She didn't look at Marnie as she spoke, shoving the spoon full of ice cream into her mouth.  She blamed the sappy love movie she was watching for making her a little emotional.  She'd regret that apology later probably.  Or not..  She gave a quick look to Marnie before slinking lower on the couch.  "If ya'll wanna be with him, I mean.. I wouldn' care or nothin'." It was a lie really, but she was feeling giving at the moment.

[Marnie Sullivan]

At that, Marnie let out a snort of laughter, which she felt immediately guilty for. As magnanimous as she was apparently trying to be, Karalie was clearly miserable about the idea.

"Sorry, sorry, it's just - " Marnie began, rearranging her face into something that hopefully looked appropriately remorseful. Well, she'd already laughed, it was too late to be gracious. "He kind of, um, already asked. If I wanted to try again. But I said no."

With this, she turned to look directly at Karalie and offered a tentative smile. With any luck, it would cheer her up, knowing this. Maybe not - she remembered what a punch to the gut it had been, just hearing what he'd said to Axelle, and that was after she'd dumped him, when he shouldn't have been her problem anymore. But she certainly wasn't jumping at the opportunity to snatch Lucas back. Maybe Karalie would like that.

[Karalie Heise]

The laugh threw her off and she looked over, her brows knitting slightly.  Why was that so funny? Karalie had thought it was mighty big of her to say that.  Marnie was apologizing and trying to compose herself, but the damage was inflicted and Karalie was feeling a little bitter towards the other girl.  When she admitted Luke had already asked her, she felt her heart sink.  When? After she had ended things with him? Would Luke really crawl back to Marnie after that? She'd said they hadn't talked!

Either way, regardless of when that conversation took place, Marnie had said no and this eased her somehow.  It was easier to like Marnie knowing she wouldn't be with her ex.  Their ex.. Luke was technically both their exes.  

Karalie looked at the screen, mulling it all over. She put some popcorn in her mouth, chewing it slowly as Noah and Ally slow danced under the streetlight.  Suddenly she smiled, and then laughed before shaking her head.  "Yah know, he tried tuh get back with me after cheatin', too?"  She rolled her eyes and took a spoonful of ice cream before extending the small carton to the girl beside her.  "I may talk slow, but I assure yuh I ain't dim enough tuh get back with him."  She shook her head, watching the screen.  "An' that's uh fact."

[Marnie Sullivan]

Oh goddammit, why did I do that, she probably hates me again now, Marnie scolded herself as she sat, totally rigid, waiting for Karalie to say something, anything, to indicate whether or not she'd just totally blown it. Here they were, finally, miraculously enjoying each other's company after months of useless and awkward tension, and she had to go and ruin this new chance at being friends by making Karalie ...smile?

At the sound of the other girl's laugh, Marnie let out the breath she hadn't even realized she'd been holding. God, what a relief. Trashing Lucas was safe territory again.

"He did not!" Marnie clutched at the imaginary pearls at her throat, pretending to be scandalized. Sure, this was news, but it wasn't surprising news. She couldn't help grinning as she took the ice cream back, spooning herself a mouthful as Karalie made it clear she knew just how terrible an idea a second try was. "I didn't think you were, but I'm starting to wonder about him.... Like does he think we're dim enough or does he think we're not paying attention or what?"

Ally was supposed to be their age, Marnie realized absently, glancing back to the television. But Noah wasn't... How differently would things have turned out for the fictional pair if he had been, she wondered?

[Karalie Heise]

"Oh, yes he did!" She insisted, shaking her head.  "I mean, come on!"  She shook her head again and looked at Marnie as she talked about how bright Lucas was, or rather, wasn't.  "I don' even know." She wondered how many other girls he was playing with.  Probably all the girls who had willingly spread their legs once she had wised up and ended things.  Seriously, the guy had some nerve.

"Maybe he thinks if he throws enough worms in the water, he'll eventually get uh bite?"  He was charismatic enough to get most girls, and with those eyes of his.. He was tempting, that was for sure.  "Yah know, I don' even think I know exactly what went down between ya'll." She probed, wanting to know the story now that things were alright between them.  She got the idea that Marnie's story was going to be a lot truer than the bullshit snippets she'd gotten from Lucas.

[Marnie Sullivan]

Karalie's theory made sense, as embarrassing as it was for Marnie to admit it. If it was true, what did that say about her? She'd been the very first fool to take the bait, and had even come far more close to going all the way with him than she'd like to admit. In that sense, at least Lucas' going berserk and scaring her away had been good timing.

"You hadn't heard?" Marnie asked with surprise. During the scene in the library it had felt like the whole school was present to witness it, and she could have sworn rumors had flown for days afterward. Maybe she'd been wrong - she had done her best to hide in her room as much as possible at the time, after all.

"Well... we were in the library, and this kid came over and was kind of rude...." Marnie began, wondering how detailed to get. It was still and unpleasant memory, but time had made it more manageable. "He and Luke started arguing, and before I knew it Luke was just going crazy, beating on this kid! I kept trying to get him to leave, but he wouldn't he just was like, 'he can't talk to us that way, I'm gonna rip his wings off' - He had wings, by the way," she interrupted herself to explain. Now that she'd gotten started, it was easier to get it out, cathartic even. "And I just, I mean, what do you do with that? It was like he just snapped, and I'll be honest, it really freaked me out." She shrugged and chewed her lip before continuing. "...He was like a different person, and I was just ...afraid of it happening again."

She turned back to Karalie, regarding her carefully.

"Even after we broke up, I still was. That... I wanted to tell you, but I thought I'd sound like I was making it up."

[Karalie Heise]

She wobbled her head from side to side in an answer.  "Not all've it." She explained, the movie suddenly far less interesting.  Marnie told her story about how Luke had started arguing with some guy in the library.  That part she knew, there had been a disagreement or something, but Luke hadn't gone into much detail.  The frown deepened the more she told of the story.  Luke had conveniently left some of the more important details out.  Rip some guys wings off?  He was such a hot head.  She didn't even realize how much until she had ended up on his bad side for simply refusing to get back together with him, or even be his friend, after he'd crushed her heart into a million pieces.  The nerve!

"Id've been really freaked out, too." She agreed, pursing her lips as her eyebrows knit together.  What would she have done in Marnie's situation?  Could she have forgiven Luke for that? There was a lot she would forgive him for.  For a short time she thought maybe he was the one, that he was meant for her, but he had proven that to be false.

Karalie turned away, suddenly feeling a little guilty.  She'd turned on Marnie once she knew the other girl had dated Luke, as if that alone was enough to tempt Luke away.  How naive she'd been.  "I'm sorry." She said in a soft voice.  "I wouldn't've even b'lieved yah."  Karalie sighed, her shoulders sagging slightly.  "I wouldn't have ever b'lieved Luke was capable've that.  I mean, he was so sweet.."  Just thinking about it upset her.  He was two totally different people.  "He changed so much when we broke up. Just.. so nasty an' bitter, like it was all somehow my fault."  She was sure he believed it was part her fault, that she shouldn't judge him for straying or something.  "I don' know.  I don' what goes through that idiot boys mind.  It doesn' really matter since we're both rid've him."  She smiled back at Marnie and her grin turned wicked.  "Ya'll seein' someone else?"