But How Can I Unmake Somebody Else's Mistakes? (Sean)

[Joshua Bernstein]

(note this is set Monday the 30th)

Life had been somewhat difficult lately. Although Sean took his obligations of patient privacy Very Seriously it was still apparent that he was under a great deal of pressure at work. Josh wasn't aware of the specifics, but the signs were all there. His partner came home exhausted, he required more alone time than usual. Sometimes he even played the piano.

And although Josh would never say it aloud (and he was aware that was somewhat of a futile effort given Sean's telepathy) the other man was noticeably more grey in the temples.

Josh had tried to step up a bit, to give his partner a break without pressing him for details about his day when he knew so many of those weren't allowed. He made an effort to do more chores around the house without being asked (although he sometimes forgot) and he had taken taxis home a few nights so that he could pick up dinner. A deli chicken here, Chinese takeout there, some meal help so that the telepath didn't have to cook.

Of course, Josh had his own cares -- he'd gone to trial the week before, and he had Passover preparations to make with his family. He was grateful he didn't keep kosher, as the rigorous cleansing preparations before Passover would have taken up time he needed to care for Sean.

Tonight he had ordered from the Greek restaurant Sean so loved, and brought out a bottle of red wine. His work day had been much lighter without a trial to worry about, and so he had arrived home before Sean.

For once.

And so he busied himself setting up the dining room for his partner's arrival, even going so far as to put on a Paul Simon album for ambiance.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean had stayed late at Hammel due to an emergency session and a staff meeting. He’d had too many late nights recently, and although he could never express gratitude for having no children, he admitted that, at least, in a house with only himself and his partner, he wasn’t neglecting time with his children.

He did regret the time lost between himself and his partner. He wanted to be able to do more fun activities with Josh.

Instead, he did work from home on days when he didn’t want to stay late.

He had to spend so much time with work, between his regular duties and the never-ending drama surrounding certain students (for whose graduation he counted down the days), and then with the club advising. The elevator incident had been an unfortunate setback, although the Student Activities Council members had all recovered well enough.

Then he had to cook unless Josh picked up supper from outside. Then they had their calisthenics routine, and their post-exercise cool-down period for his partner’s health routine.

And then errands and chores on weekends. Lately, he’d had comparatively little time for relaxation, which took its toll and frustrated him. More than that was the isolation of it. Due to confidentiality, he couldn’t talk about most of his work, and, while he didn’t struggle with keeping confidences, it could be difficult when his life seemed to revolve around certain students and he couldn’t even talk to his partner in vague details.

When he finally parked the car in the garage and stepped into the house, his nostrils detected the tell-tale aroma of souvlaki and spanakopita.

A familiar song reached his ears.

Maybe love’s an accident, or destiny is true,
But you and I were born beneath a star of dazzling blue.
Dazzling blue…

He loved Josh so much sometimes.

Setting down his briefcase in the foyer, he then removed his coat and hung it on the rack, removed his shoes, and then loosened his tie and pulled off his suit jacket. He didn’t stop to change, he was so hungry and just wanted to get started on supper.

He stepped into the dining room, came up behind his partner, and wrapped his arms around Josh’s waist. “Whatever did I do to deserve you?”

[Joshua Bernstein]

Without the benefit of telepathy, and with the additional noise from the CD, Josh didn't realize Sean had come home until he felt arms wrap around him and the grateful remark whispered into his ear.

He jumped, then laughed when he realized it was only Sean. "Welcome home! I hope you don't mind wine with supper tonight."

He gestured toward the living room, where food and drink was laid out in preparation for the telepath's return. "and don't talk about deserving. If you got what you deserved...."

He would have never broken up with Sean in the first place. But that wasn't a topic for tonight.

"How was work?"

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean shook his head. Wine fell within the parameters of their attempts to keep Josh’s blood pressure within a healthy range. More than that, he liked wine and could use a drink after the day he had. “I don’t mind.”

With that, he let his partner slip from his arms so that Josh could have free range of movement.

He overheard the rest of the other man’s thoughts, and he agreed with him that it wasn’t a topic for tonight. He didn’t have the energy for an argument about their relationship. He didn’t have the energy for any arguments at all, but certainly not the exhausting ones that required all of his focus, the ones that involved the memories of their past mistakes.

Not tonight.

“Can I help with anything?” The table looked mostly set, but he had to offer.

Then at the question, his face flashed a brief frown before he carefully smoothed over his expression. “Long,” he admitted, and then wet his lips. Although the spring thaw had begun, the air remained cool and his lips chapped.

“I’m glad to be home,” he added, which was an understatement. He needed to eat and relax, before turning his thoughts to work.

It was only Monday night.

[Joshua Bernstein]

It was Josh's turn to shake his head this time. "Only it you want to warn up your plate."

He pulled out a chair and beckoned Sean over. "Do you want to talk about it?"

[Dr. Sean Neville]

A smile flitted across Sean’s lips, although it was utterly devoid of mirth. “You’re a lawyer,” he reminded his partner. Josh was familiar with how confidentiality worked, although as a civil attorney, the information he gained from clients surely shared less tolling information than what the telepath experienced day in and day out. “You know we can’t always do what we want.”

By which he meant that he would love to be able to talk about something, to try to ease the stress a bit, but he couldn’t think of anything that he could say. Even with Oriel, his complaints about the boy’s actions only made sense in context, and the context was confidential. With Jesse, not only was the content of their sessions confidential, but Sean had never told Josh the details about M.S.A.D.

He crossed to the table and placed one hand over one of the dishes, feeling what residual heat remained. It was a bit cool, and so he resolved to warm the food up in the oven. “But I’ll take you up on the offer to warm up a plate. Would you like me to warm yours too?”

Since he planned to use the microwave instead of the oven, he could do both plates simultaneously.

[Joshua Bernstein]

Josh sighed ruefully at Sean's reply. That was the expected response, of course, but he so wanted to be able to support his partner when his day had so obviously been a bad one.

"If you're going in the direction of the kitchen..." He answered the other comment. "I'll go ahead and pour the wine."

He hadn't poured any beforehand, as he didn't want to assume the other man would want any alcohol. It was rare indeed that either of them rejected wine, but rare didn't mean never.

"After we eat I'll give you a back rub. Or a foot rub. Or both."

[Dr. Sean Neville]

“I’ll fix you a plate,” Sean promised. The benefit of having known Josh for nearly thirty-seven years, and of having telepathy on top of that, was that he knew what his partner would want to eat for the first course (minus anything served cold), and thus he could make the attorney’s plate. He served them each healthy portions of souvlaki, rice, potatoes, and some of the other items, before disappearing into the kitchen. He needed to turn the oven on to warm, but that would only take a couple of minutes.

He heard his partner’s offer and smiled to himself. Josh tried so hard sometimes. Still, over his shoulder, he called, “Let’s see how we feel after the calisthenics.” Half the time, their calisthenics ended with tea and then a massage, although Sean typically gave rather than received.

The telepath prioritized their exercise routine. Primarily for Josh’s benefit – although the other man’s hypertension had come under control with the medication and the lifestyle changes, they needed to keep them up lest his blood pressure creep up again. Also for his own, since he also received the mental and physical benefits of light exercise, and it was a nice, consistent form of bonding.

Even if he’d prefer to drink wine and eat half of a seven-layer cake instead.

[Joshua Bernstein]

Josh uncorked the wine and carefully tipped the bottle over, splashing red liquid into each glass.

"We can skip if you'd rather turn in early. I know you've been tired lately."

He cast a concerned glance at the other man. "Whenever you have breathing room perhaps we can make a weekend trip out somewhere."

They could both use the relaxation, but given recent weeks Sean especially needed a break.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean turned on the oven and checked it, before placing the two dishes inside. Just in case, he set the time for five minutes; he didn’t think they would require more time than that, not even with the fact that the oven had started out cold.

The telepath returned to the dining room, picking up his glass after Josh had poured the wine, and took a long sip.

That hit the spot.

Sighing softly in relief, he took another, and then found that he’d managed to empty his glass.

So it would be one of those nights.

Sean held his glass out towards his partner, silently asking for a refill.

“I’d like that,” he started, because he would. He had never failed to enjoy a weekend getaway with his partner, not before their reconciliation and certainly not afterward. However...

“I don’t know when that will be.”

His expression became thoughtful, as he accessed the mental calendar he had kept. In his mind’s eye, graduation day had been underlined and circled more times than one could count. “Graduation is at the end of June.”

After that, they had a month of summer break, although then he had to hit the ground running with his annual seminar. Still, a month of break seemed like Heaven right now.

[Joshua Bernstein]

At the tacit signal Josh once again tipped over the bottle of wine.

"June...there aren't any three day weekends coming up?"

Hammel didn't keep precisely the same schedule as public schools, and even during Winter and Spring breaks so many students remained at the school.

Even during the summer students remained at the school, and undoubtedly the students with no families to go back to were the ones who needed Sean's assistance the most.

But surely they could handle him being gone for a long weekend.

"I can clear out a Monday and we can go see a show in the City."

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean accepted his refilled glass with a nod of appreciation, before bringing it to his lips. “Memorial Day, but that’s in May.”

That was the only three-day weekend that came to mind immediately. In one sense, that bought them a weekend a month earlier than graduation. In another sense, Memorial Day remained two full months away, which made little different when staring through the long period without a break.

Inwardly, he acknowledged that he could use a vacation.

“Your birthday is on a Sunday this year,” the telepath pointed out after a moment’s thought. April 12th fell on the first day after Passover ended, making it a Sunday by calendar rules. Fortunately, aside from the first night’s Seder, Josh did nothing to celebrate the holiday, which meant that the additional rules for Passover didn’t interfere with their household, and that was one fewer source of stress. “We could try to take that weekend.”

That gave them less than two weeks to plan, but they had taken longer trips on shorter notice before. The City was one of the most accessible places in the United States in terms of transportation or finding some form of available lodging. Even if they had to stay in a different Borough, they would find something.

[Joshua Bernstein]

Josh lifted his own glass to his lips as he considered Sean's suggestion. He certainly wouldn't mind going down to his home state for his birthday. Perhaps he could even drop by on his former place of employment - he had spent so many years there and still considered his former coworkers close friends, even if they couldn't get together like they had when they lived in the same City, and worked in the same building.

"I'll look into it." The attorney promised Sean. He would find accommodations and book train tickets and see what shows were playing and what exhibits were on display. There would surely be something that both of them would enjoy.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

“It’s your birthday. I should help plan.” Such were the rules of birthdays. If they were to celebrate properly, then Sean had to take the lead in planning. At the very least, he should have an active role in the process, rather than making his partner plan the entire trip. He knew that Josh wanted him to relax, and he appreciate the other man’s concern and care, but he should take a role in the planning process.

The timer dinged, interrupting further debate on the topic. With a last sip of wine, the telepath set down his glass and disappeared from the dining room.

Although he didn’t hurry, his stride was so long that it hardly mattered. Donning the pair of oven mitts, he opened the door and pulled out the tray. The food seemed warm enough, but he kept the oven on should they want to warm up a second serving.

Sean brought the tray back into the dining room and set Josh’s plate before his place and then took his own plate, setting aside the tray at the other end of the table. “I think we can eat,” he declared, and then glanced at his half-empty glass. “And I’ll take another top off, please.”

[Joshua Bernstein]

Josh set the bottle of wine on the table while Sean went to fetch their now warmed food. He bit back an objection to the other man's remark, chewing his lower lip instead of arguing. An argument would only worsen his partner's day, and he was trying to improve it.

"Mmm. It smells delicious, if I do say so."

He laughed, then picked up the bottle at the request. "Here you are." He obliged, filling up Sean's wine cup once again. "It really must've been a rough day."