Live's Journal

[Lilly Love]

Introduction

This is Live's "journal". She doesn't actually keep a journal in canon, but this is a place for me to keep track of the major events in her life. It's sort of a timeline of Live's life, narrated by Live. I realized as I was doing this that some of the dates in her profile didn't quite line up, so I fixed that here. I didn't change anything about her past other than her age during an event and I only did that twice.

If you are interested in getting a better look at Live's past, this is a great place to read through! Hope you enjoy ^-^

Index

1995 My Torture Begins

2001 As the Trouble Starts

2003 And He Walks Out the Door

2008 Where is the Other?

2009 Now That I'm a Freak

2010 A Rough Start

2012 Going Through the Motions

2013 Over the Edge

2014 I Finally Made It

[Lilly Love]

1995 My Torture Begins

I don't remember my birth, but the other people there probably do. I always wondered what they remember about it though. I bet my mother remembers the pain of labor and my father remembers the screaming, the stress, and the cost. I bet my brother remembers being confused by the idea of child birth, but I bet none of them remember much about me and the joy of a new baby.

Yeah, at the time they were probably excited, but now they don't remember that. My mother probably has completely forgotten the meaning of joy, my father has probably completely forgotten me, and I'm probably the last thing my brother worries about remembering. So maybe the day I was born they were happy. Maybe they felt joy. But that didn't last long, I can tell you that much. Because the day I was born, that was the day my family began to unravel. And it was the day my torture began.

[Lilly Love]

2001 As the Trouble Starts

My family was never perfect but then again, no one's really is. But we were happy, at least for a little bit. I can recall a few mornings full of laughter and pancakes or an afternoon outside playing tag while my parents sat on the porch drinking tea and holding hands. I remember times when we did other things that families did. I remember once I fell and hurt my chin and my mom was there to give it a kiss and put a bandaid on it. My dad use to even show up to my school events. And yeah, there was fighting and unhappy days, but there were a few short years where the four of us were a real family.

Of course, that didn't last long and it's all thanks to my mother. She had always struggled with depression her whole life. I was to young to understand it at the time but I knew that I was loosing my mother. She stopped making my breakfast and lunches. She stopped kissing my bumps and bruises. She stopped cleaning and taking care of the house. She stopped being a mother.

It was slow at first, like she was slowly drifting away, but then her parents died in car crash one summer and she plummeted. Nothing got cooked or clean or kissed. She spent all her time alone in her office. The only time she emerged was to refill her supply of alcohol. At first my dad tried to be there for her, but she was to far gone. She had gone where none of us could get to. Soon, I saw my dad becoming more and more angry. He slipped away into a shell of frustration and work.

My brother wasn't much better either. He was older so he would just leave and go stay at friends house whenever he could. I realized on one very empty Christmas that everyone in my family was gone, and that I was alone. I was barely seven but I knew that no one was gonna be buying me any gifts. So I found all my stuffed animals and old toys and put them around the fireplace (since there was no tree) and pretended they were brand new things from Santa. No one even came out of their rooms that morning. Even as the trouble was starting, I knew that I was gonna end up taking care of myself. Forever.

[Lilly Love]

2003 And He Walks Out the Door

Everything had been slowly falling apart for almost three years when my dad finally snapped. My mom just kept slipping farther away from people and holding tighter and tighter to her bottle. I'm not mad at my dad for leaving my mom. I don't think anyone is. But I am mad at him for leaving me.

It was a few weeks before my ninth birthday, just after Christmas, when it happened. I just finished making myself lunch when I heard screaming coming from the office. Both my brother and I rushed to the door. When we got there my dad was storming out and my mom was chugging down some more vodka. I ran to my dad, looking for answers or maybe just a hug, anything, but he just ignored me. He went to his room and pulled out three large suitcases. He began grabbing all his stuff and throwing it in. At first I thought we were gonna leave, the three of us: my dad, Alex, and me. I was very wrong.

He packed up is things and in an hour he was gone. At first I thought, he was just gonna go get us a place, and then he was coming back. He never came back. After two weeks of pointless hoping and waiting, I knew my father was gone and he wasn't gonna return, ever. It was then that I slowly began to realize that people can't be trusted. Because sooner or later they all walk out the door, and they don't come back.

[Lilly Love]

2008 Where is the Other?

Alex and I had never been really close. Yeah, we were brother and sister but that didn't really make us friends. We tolerated each other and on some occasions actually enjoyed each others company. I never appreciated him very much. I sort of wish I had because now he is gone and there is nothing I can do about it.

He first started slipping away when my mother's parents died. My mom got all detached and pretty much vanished from our lives. Then my brother started disappearing too. He was just about ten but he started spending more time at friends houses then at home. After our dad left a few years later, I never saw him anymore. Maybe a couple times a week for an hour or so. I had no idea where he was going at the time. Now I understand all to well.

Alex had gotten into drugs. I don't know all of the specifics and I don't really care to know. All I know is he got arrested for the first time when he was fourteen. My mom didn't care. At first I felt bad for Alex but when I tried to be there for him, he just shoved me away. So I gave up on him, just like he gave up on me. The year before I got my powers, my brother was gone completely. I am not even sure if he was in jail or what, but he was no longer in my life. I use to sit up at night wondering where he was, but I learned to stop wondering and stop caring. I got tired of asking a question I knew would never be answered.

[Lilly Love]

2009 Now That I'm A Freak

I had never had much of a problem dealing with my anger. Not that I dealt with it well, but I definitely dealt with it. I'd get in fights at school (with students and teachers) and I broke a lot stuff in my room and around the house. I never had a problem keeping my feelings bottled up, I just let them out on whatever was the nearest target. Kids at school always called me a freak for it. And only other 'freaks' tolerated me. However, I had no idea just how freakish I would become.

My mom had spent too much money on alcohol again and we weren't gonna have enough to pay the electricity bill for the month. It was hard enough trying to live off her welfare and at that point all the money she got from her parents will was already gone. To make matter worse it was November, and no electricity meant no heating. I got pissed, naturally.

I was in my room, throwing some shit around and having a little bitch fit, when I noticed I felt shorter. I looked down and saw blackness where my feet should have been. I was slowly disappearing into a pit of darkness. It took me about a week to fully understand what exactly I could do with shadows. I didn't have much of a problem controlling it. It was sort of like a second nature. Unless I got angry. Then I lost control.

Thankfully, I never lost major control while at school or anything because less than two weeks of the appearance of my powers, a strange man showed up at my door. He told me what I was, that there were others like me, and he was there to take me somewhere I could be safe and call home. I realized then that I truly was a freak. A genuine, bonafide, meta-human freak.

[Lilly Love]

2010 A Rough Start

A lot of the kids who go to Hammel see it as some saving grace. Like its this amazing place where they finally find a home and a place they can belong. They make friends, learn to control their powers, and have a wonderful new life. For me, this wasn't the case.

For starters, I didn't get to escape my old life. I had hopped that I would get to travel to Hammel alone, start over by myself. But my mother came with me and since I was only 14, there really wasn't much I could do about it. I didn't even get to live on campus. I had to live in another crappy house with her drunk ass. And if that wasn't enough, the school was no better. My attitude kept anyone from liking me, and the few people who I thought might actually like me turned out to be total assholes. It was like I was transferred from one hell to another, the only difference was that this hell was full of meta-humans.

I managed to fail my first year at Hammel. I just stopped caring about school and really life in general. I guess you could say I had a rough start, but that rough start was just another product of my miserable, torturous life.

[Lilly Love]

2012 Going Through the Motions

I guess you could say the next two years were a bit better. I had to repeat my freshman year but I passed just fine. Same with sophomore year. See, I'm actually really smart. If they tested me I would probably have some high IQ or something. But I didn't want the burden of being "smart" added to my list of problems, because as soon as you're "smart" people start expecting shit from you. It was easier to be average and just go through the motions.

[Lilly Love]

2013 Over the Edge

I had finally settled into a decent rhythm with life after my sophomore year. I still got into fights and had troubles at home and school, but I wasn't nearly as bad as I had been before Hammel or during my first year there. Things definitely weren't great or even really good, but they were tolerable, and that was all I could really ask for. That was until I got a phone call.

It was during the fall of my junior year. I guess my brother had finally gotten out of jail or prison or wherever the hell he had been for the past four or so years and he decided it would be a good idea to call me. It was probably the worst idea though. It sent me over the edge. I skipped school for a week and just got drunk. He kept calling and calling but I just kept ignoring him. After about two weeks he got the message and finally left me alone.

It took me a while to really recover. It wasn't until after a meeting with Sean that I realized I no longer had to stay in my moms house, however I didn't exactly have the money to move out. I started working and saving. I didn't exactly pass my junior year though. I only failed one class which was pretty good since the last time I failed to move onto the next grade I had failed over half of my classes. I spent all summer working and saving but once school started again, it became almost impossible for me to balance the two, plus all the stress from my relationship with my mom. Thankfully Alex left me alone during this time. I had to drop a couple classes in order to be able to stay on top of everything. It took until that winter for me to finally have enough money to move out into my own place.

[Lilly Love]

2014 I Finally Made It

The spring semester went much better, as I finally had some semblance of an idea on how to work and go to school at the same time. I guess you could say I was kinda proud of myself. Suddenly, I was really just taking care of myself. Not myself and my mom. Just me. Living. I wasn't able to get all the classes I need in for graduation though and it wasn't until that winter, just a few weeks from turning twenty, that I finally graduated. It was the first thing I had ever really accomplished with my life.

[Lilly Love]

2015Work and School

This year turned out to be quite a handful, but then again when does my life ever come in reasonable doses? The winter and spring was spent working. That summer though, I realized that continuing to be a mini-mart cashier wasn't going to cut it forever. However, I had no idea what I wanted to do. So, I did the obvious thing and applied for community college. Pretty boring, I know but what the hell else was I suppose to do? Right now I am just trying to get my undergrad credits done so I can either transfer somewhere if I figure out what the hell it is I am doing or just have that stupid piece of paper and get a job that doesn't require pretending not to hate people all day.