Walk With You (Odion)

[Odion Martins]

Odion laughed. Jared had the type of charm that could convince a mother to hand you her child’s candy with a smile on her face. He was just as quick as any pickpocket should be, but he was a people person, and this always seemed to work out in his favor. He made the band of thieves not seem so serious when they were together, like they could still be human. Like they could still be kids… Odion mostly remembered being annoyed with Jared, but he couldn’t help but look back fondly on some of the more ridiculous things they had all done together.

“I would show you, but there’s male nudity involving certain individuals you probably don’t want to see naked,” Odion said with a smirk. There was him, of course, but there was also Jared, which Lani had probably seen enough of to last a lifetime. Jared wasn’t shy at all, there were no barriers with the bloke. And then there was Rhett, who Odion doubted Lani would want to see in any form, especially naked. “This was when we were around fifteen or so,” Odion started, the joy of the memory giving him that spark he would need to move into the future. “It was hardly the first time we had had too much to drink, but it had definitely been too much.” And from there, Odion went on to explain how Jared had convinced and or dared Odion and Rhett to jump into the fountain naked with him to see the reaction of others. Now that Odion thought about it, he was very glad cellphones hadn’t been so popular when this happened.

Sighing, it was easy to forget why they were here right now in the first place. Odion had so many good memories, and even talking about Rhett wasn’t so bad anymore. Yes there was a scar and yes it was ugly, but it was only a part of who he was, it wasn’t the only part of him. And the truth was, they were all scared, every last one of them. From him who was abandoned as an infant, to Jared who left home not because he didn’t have a choice, but because he chose to no longer be abused. And no one chose to have cancer. Odion peered into Lani’s eyes, knowing that that had only been a momentary distraction. He took a deep breath, putting his free hand over the two of theirs pressed together. “I believe I’m ready to continue,” he implored.

[Lani Hunter]

Jared was a special breed of human. Lani definitely agreed with that, though he didn’t necessarily think that was a good thing. He hadn’t spoken to Jared since that kittennapping incident. Lani had certainly seen more of Jared than he ever wanted to see that night. If he’d had the ability he would have tossed Jared stark naked out of the window. Lani couldn’t help but laugh, surprised that he was able to find humor even in the midst of such a heavy time. He shook his head like a dog, he could guess very well about who he was referring to. And to be honestly Lani didn’t feel like he should be held responsible for whatever happened if he ever came across Rhett again. There had never been a person who Lani could hate so strongly and well, it seemed like time and a half-assed apology from the other blond hadn’t cooled Lani’s loathing.

Lani’s free hand collided with his face as Odion described the scene. The telekinetic struggled against laughter as he pictured it. The image of Odion letting go enough for him to be convinced to strip and jump in a fountain baffled and amused Lani. It just wasn’t something that Odion did, or at least not an Odion in his right mind. Lani chuckled and shook his head at Odion. “I can’t believe you let him talk you into that. I mean, have you ever considered that living with him might be hazardous to your pride?” He snickered to himself, Jared was a good guy. Lani liked him, all things considered, though he wasn’t sure Jared felt the same way about him. Jared might annoy the blazes out of Lani but when it came to Odion, he’d come through for him when it really mattered. Lani’s imagination had run away with him and he had believed that Rhett had been there somewhere. It was altogether possible that Rhett and Odion hadn’t crossed paths since Hammel but… Oh… Continuing. Lani’s mind called back to the present.

The happiness was sucked out of him like a vacuum. He schooled his features back to seriousness and he nodded. The telekinetic cradled his heart close to him and he felt the old barriers starting to raise. He knew what was coming and he wanted to steel his heart against it. To hide it behind thick armor. The power stirred and wrapped itself around him, he knew what was coming and he knew there was nothing he could do to protect himself against it. Taking courage from Odion, Lani looked back up into his blue eyes and wordlessly gave his consent. Lani didn’t know that they would come out alive. Lani remembered the aftermath and he was terrified. He didn’t want to go back to that empty and icy place. It woke in him scars that had long healed. Not they smarted and split as Lani played it in his head before he even heard his voice raised in anger.

[Odion Martins]

Odion chuckled and gave a nod. “Absolutely I’ve considered that – everyone needs someone to bring them back down to earth.” Indeed, Jared had been the fun part of life, doing things most people wouldn’t just because they could. It wasn’t just about stealing, it was about living. Jared was a constant reminder of that, and Odion considered him his true brother. Blood didn’t equal family in Odion’s mind and heart, and he wasn’t going to change his mind about that, especially after Jared had been there for him through and through. There were few thieves Odion was at peace with being indebted to, and he loved the both of them.

Not wanting to lose his nerve, Odion focused on the hell he was about to put himself and Lani through all over again. It would be like new for him, but Lani would be the one who had to endure. Focusing his efforts, Odion placed himself at the end of the scene when he had walked away from his mother. Well, at least now they were even. “Sebastian!” The name rang in his ears and swam in his mind, like a lost connection trying to find its place. Odion knew it was meant for him, but it only proved just how little this woman knew of him. In the memory, Odion had nearly sprinted across the wet hills towards some exit he couldn’t yet see, and Lani was close behind. The blond tried to console him, but Odion wasn’t having it – he could tell by the look on his own face that he had stopped listening completely.

As Lani’s memory became his own, Odion could feel the pain Lani was in, the guilt. He had made the wrong choice, a treacherous surprise, but he couldn’t take it back. Odion knew he would if he could. They had to learn the hard way, together, just how hurtful secrets could be. They were yelling at each other and Odion was tempted to watch the memory as though other people were involved. Maybe if he could detach himself it wouldn’t affect him as much. But deep down inside, he knew it needed to affect him. Time wasn’t supposed to work this way, you weren’t allowed to pick and choose what you wanted to remember in life, not willingly. Odion had tried, and failed, his future of always seeing Lani hadn’t left him, even when the past had been temporarily forgotten, it had driven him mad.

They obviously hadn’t noticed how their clothes were completely soaked through. There was only yelling, and tears. They questioned each other’s love and intentions without really listening to the explanations offered. Being on the defensive had stoked the fire that had been waiting to ignite for some time. Lani would never be able to see how Odion viewed time, as past, present, and future collided and he was left to sort what belonged where and with who. This linear moment was killing Odion – there was nothing he could do but watch. Watch as he deemed it fit to not give Lani any more chances, as though he weren’t human and would inevitably make more mistakes. Odion wasn’t able to see past his own hurt like he could now.

His lip quivered again as the memory truly sunk in – he had broken it off. And Lani had tried to reason with him. If this was anyone’s fault, it was his. “I’m sorry,” he said into the memory, to the man beside him sharing this with him. Lani didn’t have to be here right now, but yet he was. As Lani got angrier in the memory and false accusations were thrown at one another, Odion gripped Lani’s hand ever tighter in the present. Odion’s face screwed up as he held on to the memory, “I’m sorry, this is fucked…” He was at a loss for words for how he felt over his own mistake. He wondered if Lani could truly forgive him after reliving this. As if once wasn’t enough… And in the end, it was their stubbornness that kept them apart, followed by broken hearts.

Odion’s family had tried to retrieve them, had come up over the hill in the middle of their fight, Declyn followed by his parents… Odion’s parents. In the present, Odion swallowed hard as the memory shifted and warped, too many emotions flying around to keep everything straight. There was Odion, turning on his heel and heading towards the rental car they came in, getting into the driver’s seat without a word as Lani hesitated by the people Odion could never call family. The woman was crying, and the man was trying to lead her back to the house. Declyn and Lani exchanged words that Odion didn’t hear in the memory, but could hear clear as day now – he was a failure.

[Lani Hunter]

Lani smiled, enjoying the bell of Odion’s laughter and holding onto the sound as they plunged back into the memory. Time warped around them and Lani felt breathless and sick with anxiety. He didn’t dare tell Odion, but he wasn’t sure he could do this. He struggled to hold onto Odion's laughter.  How could he experience this all over again? My fault! the truth rang through him and he wanted to curl in on himself until it was over. His exhausted telekinesis awoke and despite all the pain through his skull it rose and fought against the memory. Lani scrambled to grab it but it broke from him in a roar, he didn’t mean to make it hard for the time turner but his power anchored him to the present even as they rushed into the past. Lani squeezed his eyes shut, but he couldn’t block out the pain and the sounds of their last conversation as a couple. Somewhere nearby something broke. Lani felt the rain on his face and the agony in his heart. He opened his eyes and Lani felt his tongue moving and his heart breaking all over again. He wanted to take it back!

Somewhere thought out all of this the present Lani stopped breathing, there was too much going on, too many directions. He was choking on the mistakes and failures being shoved down his throat.  He felt his tongue moving, saying horrible things, yelling, he couldn't stop it.  The telekinetic’s grip on reality was slipping and he reached out his hand reaching out to Odion begging him not to go. His mouth stood open calling for him, begging him to come back, but no sound came out. The rain blurred his eyes mixing with his tears but Odion was still walking away. He was walking away again. Somehow he’d lost his ability to tell the then from the now and he called out. “Don’t leave me!”  He felt a hand on his tighten and he blinked and he was a watcher again, he breathed shakily his gray eyes wide and panicked. Tears traced slick salty lines down his cheeks.

Memory, this was a memory! As he watched Odion walk away from him he turned and felt Odion next to him. Not alone. Odion had asked him to be here and here he was, he’d never expected this to be so hard, somehow he thought he could be a passive watcher but he felt his tongue moving and he felt the shattering as his world fell out from under his feet and the rain, he was drowning. Memory. Not alone. Odion! Odion’s voice breached the gloom in an apology that both warmed and confused the telekinetic. It was his fault, why was Odion apologizing? He inclined his head slightly in acceptance of it anyways.  For Odion, he'd walk through fire, he'd fight off demons, he'd stand before a raging maelstrom.  His life without Odion had been hard, but he had had time to cope, time to heal.  This wasn't healing, this was tearing open every wound he hard.  But he wasn't alone.  Odion wasn't alone.  Odion was here.  He squeezed Odion's hand.  "Odion," Lani said turning to see the pain on Odion's face, "You were hurt," he gently reached up a hand and brushed his fingers against Odion's cheek.  He had made peace with this memory, he reminded himself.  Reliving it was giving him a sick sense of deja vu, that was warping his perception of what was happening now and what had happened then.  It was the past, but damn did the past hurt. 

Lani swallowed turning back to the memory. The woman had been inconsolable and Lani had been numb. Lani didn’t just hold onto the grief from losing, he’d also had Odion’s broken family on his hands. With the promise of Odion he had wiped away any hope they had of their son. I hate you, Odion had said.

I hate you.

“Is he just going to leave?” Declyn asked furiously.

Lani shrugged. “He won’t get far,” the telekinetic said his voice far away, not saying so because Odion wouldn’t leave if he could, but the time turner hadn’t yet learned to drive.

“We have to…”

Lani caught Declyn’s arm and shook his head. The numbness of the loss brought a terrifying clarity to Lani’s mind. “I’m sorry, Declyn…”

Declyn jerked out of Lani’s grip and took a step after Odion then stopped. Odion’s parents caught up. Odion’s mother was screaming running on the slick cobblestones reaching out. “Sebastian!” Whatever else she might have said didn’t get out as she dissolved into sobs and wails.

The woman’s cries broke Lani even more than breaking up with Odion and there was the anger again. He hadn’t been able to believe Odion’s cruelty and for a moment he met her blue eyes and briefly they shared in mutual loss. Mr. O’Callahan caught his wife before she fell and half supported, half dragged her back to the house. Shrieking and calling out in a way that sliced through Lani’s heart. He’d given them hope and then torn it away. He was the worst of the worst. His fists clenched. Why did everything he tried to do go wrong? Why when he tried to do good did it always blow up in his face? Why was he such a failure?

Beside him Declyn scoffed his face red with rage. “I thought he was better than this,” Lani said softly. I hate you, Odion's voice echoed in his head.

Declyn opened his mouth and closed his again looking after his parents. “I don’t understand…” Odion’s twin said helplessly.

Lani looked after the redhead and raised his chin. “He’s a fool and a coward,” he said hoping his voice would carry, “He always was and always will be.” And nothing I do can change that. Numb anger was all he felt and he closed his eyes attempting to stop the tears that wouldn’t stop. It was as if he had broken into so many pieces he didn’t even comprehend what it was like to be whole anymore. Lani’s lip curled in a snarl.

“I know what my parents did was fucked up, but… I just thought.” Declyn was shaking with rage. “How can he just…?” When Lani couldn’t offer any explanation Declyn started shouting. “What the hell are we supposed to do now? I don’t think my mother will ever be alright again! She has been dreaming of this her whole life!”

Lani just looked away, guilt battering him from all sides. “I’m sorry…” Lani offered but he half suspected all of this anger wasn’t at him, he was just the unfortunate recipient of Declyn’s rage. Lani didn’t want to stand here anymore, he wanted to be safe and warm and away from all of this. He wished it had never happened. “He’s not the man I thought he was,” Lani said softly and trudged after Odion.

“Lani!” Declyn called after him and the telekinetic paused briefly. “I’m sorry, I never thought…”

He stopped when Lani held up a hand. “What’s done is done, Declyn.”

“But, I never…”

“I know.”

“Are you going to be okay?”

Lani tried to smile but the action failed him, instead he said. “Go look after your mother. Tell her I’m sorry.”

Lani gripped Odion’s hand and struggled out of the reality of the memory, his confused mind clawing for a breath, a break in the sorrow. This memory in all its detail slumbered in his mind, not forgotten but ignored. It took Lani a minute to realize it wasn’t raining and he was here with Odion. He closed his eyes against the memory, fighting against it. He hadn't made as much peace with it as he thought he had.  If this was hard for him, he couldn’t even imagine what Odion felt seeing it for the first time. He didn’t know if he could do it, his courage was failing. Tears slipped from his closed lids and he gripped Odion’s hand, his free hand groping in darkness for Odion, finally finding purchase on his elbow. "I'm sorry, Odion, I ruined everything.  I'm so sorry."  It wasn’t over quite yet. The things Lani had said haunted him still.  He couldn't abandon Odion, not when they'd come so far... “Please,” he pleaded, “No more.”

[Odion Martins]

In a way, it was for the best that this happened when Odion was older, and his emotions couldn’t control time as much as they were once able to. He had learned a lot since his manifestation, and only bad things could happen from allowing time to control you. He was never going to allow his emotions to control what time did, which was probably why he was so poised and seemingly in control all the time. The thought of things going haywire because of his power unsettled him, and he often wondered how many other time turners had lost control and ended up being a part of major history in some way because of that. It was Lani’s crying out that really solidified Odion’s goal of not losing control of time. He owned it, and he was going to make sure he didn’t use it to hurt Lani ever again.

Odion couldn’t look away from the scene, even as Lani made to touch him. Yes he had been hurt, deeply, but he could have handled it so differently. He could have kept himself in check. There were so many things he could have done instead of what he was watching now, and the possibilities could drive him crazy. In the memory, they fought, in the present, they consoled. “So were you,” Odion said, damning both himself and Lani in one breath. Everything seemed so obvious now, so… stupid. All this because Odion couldn’t handle the fact that someone actually wanted him, more than one someone. In a way, Lani had been completely right. And Odion didn’t know how to feel, but he knew he had to keep going if this was going to make sense. If he was going to be able to forgive himself, he had to know what he had done.

But what he hadn’t thought of, was how what he had done had affected so many others. It was hard to live a life where you were always looking out for yourself, that to be asked to look out for someone else wasn’t even an option. Yes there were people like Jared, but people like him were strong, they were hardened, they were used to disappointment and any shred of kindness sent their way was viewed as suspicious. Odion could never be normal, and he wasn’t sure if he could accept anyone’s kindness, because he couldn’t accept who he was all the time. He was afraid that his birth parents couldn’t see his life and still accept him. Declyn had always wanted him to go home, but he already was.

The conversation between Lani and Odion’s true family hadn’t been something Odion was betting on seeing. In fact, it wasn’t even his memory to have and he wished as it was going on that it wasn’t happening right before his eyes. These memories were a scary thing to have access to, and part of him knew he wasn’t allowed to have them, as though he were stealing thoughts now as well. His mind staggered upon hearing that people thought that he was good, that he was better than how he had been behaving. People shouldn’t think so highly of a thief… And a fool… And a coward… Odion didn’t bother wiping at his tears anymore. This was entirely his fault. There were so many orphans who dreamed of having a family, and there he was put right in front of them and he wanted nothing to do with them.

And then he found out that their mother had been dreaming about meeting him her whole life… A mixture of anger, joy, curiosity and sadness filled his chest, and Odion had the sudden urge to punch a wall. Or find his dealer. Or go back to Ireland… His actions had affected everything and everyone around him. They, all of them, had just wanted to know him, not because they wanted to destroy him, but because they simply wanted to know him because they were good people. And now he felt destroyed despite the effort he had put in to guard his heart. Odion had never felt the kind of pain he was feeling now, like he was going to cave in on himself because the fortress he had built around his wall in regards to family had come crashing down. Meeting Lani had caused Odion to realize that life was so much bigger than himself, and he truly had been selfish.

Now that the memory was shared, Odion didn’t know what to do. Part of him was panicking, like he had somehow broken the universe because he had broken so many hearts in one blow. He didn’t think he could care like this. Lani’s figure retreated in the memory, back to the car, begrudgingly getting into it before everything went black. As the present wrapped around them, Odion found their situation overbearing. Lani deserved so much better than him, a man who would leave his family to deal with the guilt of their sin for the rest of their lives, if only to make them suffer like he had. It had simply been too much all at one for him to handle. As Lani reached for him, Odion held on tightly. He was in shock, surprised at Lani’s apology and tears as his own continued to race down his face. He couldn’t even sob if he wanted to.

Odion had thought it was over, and a tense laugh came out of him. “There’s more?” He asked through tears. In his mind it made sense that Lani next brought him to the airport and said good riddance while Odion didn’t bother trying to change things or apologize out of stubbornness and pride. Odion slid off the couch and onto the floor, holding Lani’s hand at an awkward angle. “How could there be more?” He looked up at Lani, wanting nothing more than to sink into the floor and have a drink. “After what I did to you? To them? I mean, did you see her face…” Odion pursed his lips and hung his head, his shoulders shaking. He didn’t know what to do with everything he had just learned. He was pathetic. He broke up with Lani, he left his family. He was no better than them now. If Lani deserved another chance, didn’t they? He shook his head, looking back up at Lani, a thoughtful expression on his face.

“I don’t know how you went through that on your own, it was selfish of me to, to let you,” he said, hiccupping in between words. “I don’t know why you’re sorry, I don’t. All I see, is a man who became what he hated most and made his own worst fear come true. I was truly and utterly alone after that, I convinced myself that I deserved it…” His voice got quieter, “Maybe I still do.”

[Lani Hunter]

Time wasn’t something that Lani could understand in the sense that Odion did. Time for Lani was linear, it didn’t deviate into different branches, it had one path for him. What Odion had done had altered his own path, but Lani had had to keep going on his never ending line. The movement of time was enough to unsettle Lani, he wasn’t stable enough to brace himself against the altering of the timeline. His body felt something akin to instinct that moving through time wasn’t his place. He controlled things in space, his three dimensions, he tried to break into a fourth and things got hazy for him. Once Lani’s power had tried to follow Odion through time and it had felt both of them fearful and aching. Emotions were strong and his power was responding. It finally found the source in Odion and brushed against that ancient feeling power. It was still warm to his mental touch.

Lani managed to tear his eyes from the memory and looked for Odion, as if startled to find him next to him. The telekinetic watched Odion and his struck expression. Maybe this was a terrible idea, maybe they didn’t need to do this. His heart skipped, what if Odion decided to leave again? What if time decided he could never know this? What if, what if, what if… He just closed his eyes in acknowledgement. It wasn’t a good situation for anyone. Despite everything Lani still believed that Odion should have given them a chance, but that was a thought he was going to keep to himself. Lani had known Odion would have been upset, but he still couldn’t believe how Odion had tossed everyone aside like that. Himself, Declyn, Odion’s mother and father. Oh god, his mother, she reminded Lani so much of his own mother.

To be honest, this interaction had struck Lani but it had paled in comparison to what had happened between himself a Lani. About a week after he’d returned home he’d received a letter from Odion’s family, it said things like ‘thank you for trying’ and ‘it wasn’t your fault’, Lani hadn’t had the will to reply and the letter had gone forgotten, Lani didn’t even know where it was anymore. Lani had wanted Odion to have something like this, he’d seen the distant sadness in his eyes when Odion thought he wasn’t looking, he’d thought Odion could have at least heard their apology and explanation before he burned them. Lani turned his eyes back to Odion. He longed to brush away those tears, to hold Odion until he didn’t hurt anymore. A sliver of residual bitterness whispered in his ear, he’d had to do it on his own. The telekinetic shut down the thought and decided he wouldn’t do that to Odion, but this was Odion’s battle and Lani couldn’t do it for him, he realized that now.

The tightness in his chest strangled him and he felt blasted through and through. The guilt and the anger and the sorrow buried him even now. All Lani wanted to do now was find his bed and bury himself under his blankets until the world forgot about him, forgot about how horrible he had been to his boyfriend and his family. He held onto Odion and his heart surged, screaming out in pain. It desperately wanted to know why Lani was doing this to it, all over again. How foolish he had been to think he could do this and come out unscathed. He didn’t even realize how much he was shaking knowing that the most horrid things hadn’t even left his lips yet. When his last desperate effort had failed he had burned the bridge not with fire but with an explosion.

The tightness that they were holding hands was starting to cause his hand to ache and yet to held on all the tighter. He took a shaky breath and forced himself to open his eyes again. The fight then and about Odion’s family was only the beginning, it didn’t end until Lani tore at Odion’s heart and walked out the door. His eyes opened as he felt Odion fall from beside him. Lani took this chance to get himself under control. He called upon the calm he’d learned when Odion had left. His power stilled in his mind and he needed it now to take his emotions and lock them down. He couldn’t shut them all down, but it wouldn’t do for them both to have emotional break downs right now. With a deep breath he dried his eyes as best he could. “Yes, I did,” Lani said softly.

When Odion looked at him Lani listened and his power surrounded Odion. Odion had been right when he first appeared some months ago, it took two people to hurt each other, Lani had also left, he’d also decided he needed an ocean between them. That was where Odion was wrong, Lani hadn’t been alone, he’d had Caroline and by extension his parents, they might not have known but they had been there. Then there was Adrianna and Avi, both were there when he fell and couldn’t get back to his feet. Adrianna was having troubles of her own but bless her for being there when he needed her. Lani’s eyebrows rose and then descended quickly into a glare. He didn’t like where Odion’s thoughts were. His heart screamed out and despite his efforts the words stung. Odion had to know by now, that in saying so he condemned Lani to the same fate.

He took a deep breath and pushed his emotions out of the way, he could deal with those later. Odion was what was important now. “Would you leave me alone?” Lani asked his voice tense. “Because it’s not about deserving anything. Dammit Odion, don’t you understand that yet?” Lani reached a hand out and gently brushed it against Odion’s cheek, then cupping it so he could look Odion in the eye continued. “I love you, and that is something freely given, you don’t have to work for it, or deserve it or anything else.” Didn’t Odion get it by now? Lani didn’t do anything because he needed to, he did them because he wanted to. He was here because he wanted to be here because his heart made it so. Lani got to his feet, surprised by the shakiness in his own knees. He held onto Odion’s hand and offered his other one. “So get up off the floor Odion.” They had things to do.

[Odion Martins]

Everything seemed to calm suddenly, like waves crashing on the shore had suddenly stop. It made Odion look up from his stupor on the floor and into Lani’s fathomless eyes. There was nothing he wouldn’t do for him, even come back and risk losing his own sanity, at least he would know he had tried everything he could to get back, to make things okay again. At this moment, Odion didn’t feel as though anything would ever be okay again, but it was a gamble he deemed worth taking. If he couldn’t have this, then life wouldn’t be life at all. It was a terrible, horrible memory, but he had been a part of it, and he needed to own it again.

Odion hadn’t meant to hurt Lani with his words, he was merely trying to explain himself. “Would you leave me alone?” Odion found himself immediately shaking his head ‘no’. Not if he could help it, not if he was in his right mind. He couldn’t dream of it. Clearly he didn’t understand at all, he hardly knew what love was to begin with. It only seemed to make sense when he was looking at Lani in this way, when he could know what it meant because of the horrible things he had done and despite that Lani was still here. With the help of Lani, Odion stood up and quickly found himself pressed against Lani in an embrace that was nearly as tightly held together as their hands had been. Odion was having a hard time pulling himself together through the tears, but he was at least, off the floor.

“I love you too,” he said quietly into Lani’s ear. This moment felt like it had lasted forever, and Odion was still fighting himself in his mind. His heart felt black, his stomach was turning, and in this dark world there were far too many lights to guide Odion. He thought he had been better than this, but it seemed like he had fooled everyone, even himself. The redhead pulled away a little bit after some time and sniffed hard, looking down at the ground and laughing a little before looking up at Lani again. “God I’m such a mess,” he said, wiping his nose on the back of his hand. He blinked several times and put his hands on his hips, glancing down the hall absently. “I am capable of horrible things…” he said absently, almost in a faraway voice. How was he going to be able to live with himself now?

[Lani Hunter]

How had they gotten here? If someone had told him a year ago that they would be broken up and working to mend the bridges he would have punched them. If someone had said a year before that that Odion and he would be in a relationship at all, Lani would have laughed at them. In the present a sensibility returned to Lani and he was able to better compartmentalize and understand. He’d been here before and he had built himself up again from nothing. He had been at rock bottom, a point he had only thought he’d reached before and something nagging in his mind kept him going and one hand and foothold after another and he was climbing his way back. On the way friends helped with offered warmth and love. Sometimes he had no one, he never felt so alone but that nagging drove him upward nonetheless.

Lani still didn’t know what moment it happened. The moment that he lifted a hand and shielded himself from the sun and decided to move through life leaving his heart behind. Not too long after that Odion had shown his face again and Lani realized he hadn’t left his heart behind at all. Lani couldn’t trace his path through the wilderness and as he and Odion stood at the cusp of their memories the walls shattered and the tempest raged through. It left a strong aching in Lani’s heart but he saw it now for what it was. The past. He didn’t even think when he moved, he just knew that Odion needed him and that he would rise and come whenever Odion called. He pulled Odion up and welcomed Odion into his arms. He held onto Odion, allowing the redhead to lay some of his sorrow on Lani, for now Lani could hold the both of them up. Odion’s breath tickled is ear and sent shivers down his spine. His heart woke deep within and held Odion tightly and protectively in his arms.

Reluctantly Lani loosened his hold on Odion. Lani smiled softly and shook his head at the redhead. The telekinetic crossed his arms and watched Odion, bemused. Lani looked down at his feet and chewed on the inside of his cheek. He brought his eyes up to Odion, this was something he’d learned and now Odion was learning it. “Yes,” Lani said nodding his head solemnly, “And so am I and so is Avi and Caroline. We are all capable of horrible things.” Lani reached out and stole one of Odion’s hands from his hips. “We all make mistakes Odion, it’s what makes us human.” Lani searched for Odion’s eyes. “You told me that.” The telekinetic might be giving advice he didn’t follow himself at the moment but he was trying to be better and he still believed that Odion was a better person than Odion believed himself to be.

Lani considered Odion, his thumb absently stroking the back of Odion’s knuckles. It was a lot to take in all at once. Lani was heart sore seeing it again and he couldn’t imagine the shock and pain of seeing it for the first time, at a point where he couldn’t have done anything to stop it from happening. It was for the best that Odion had control over time and not Lani, Lani never would have been able to resist changing things. Lani had gotten through a lot on his own this past year that he’d almost forgotten what it was like to be able to lean on. He hated doing this to Odion but they couldn’t go one with an imbalance of knowledge. Without this, the seed of bitterness would never die. Lani offered a soft smile. “Do you want to take a break?”

[Odion Martins]

Odion swallowed hard when Lani made it clear that anyone was capable or horrible things, it was just that Odion took that for granted. He thought people were naturally horrible or good, and it was strange to realize that he was bothered by these horrible things he could do. His definition of horrible didn't extend to pickpocketing and the like, but he was able to see now that what he did to others and their hearts was far more terrible than robbing a stranger. He gave Lani's hand a squeeze and tried not to waver on the spot. This was a hard pill for Odion to swallow. Striving for perfection, this was a blow he wouldn't be able to face alone. "How many times have you saved me now?" Odion asked in a soft voice, thinking it had to be around three. He was thankful to say the least.

"Please," Odion said with a nod. He couldn't believe there was more to take in, but he supposed that there had to be more to the story. They had to return to wherever they had been staying. "Would you like something to drink?" He asked, heading towards the kitchen, slipping away from Lani for the time being. He opened it up and grabbed a bottle of water for himself, waiting for Lani to say what he wanted. Once he had, Odion brought their drinks back to the living room and had a seat beside Lani on the couch. There were a million things going through Odion's mind, and they were occuring so quickly and all at once that they were turning into a blur.

"I'm not proud of what I did, I think we could've been better to one another," he said, looking at Lani. "And yet, you're still here... So, I should let you know that I let the not so finer things in life control me from the time we fell apart to when I returned." Lani had given him so much, it was time he shared something of what he had been up to. It was a year of hell, and he didn't remember all of it, and he didn't want to. Those weren't memories he wanted more detail on, they wouldn't be anything of value, though he did remember them. Some memories simply weren't meant to be revisited, they were meant to be reminders of how badly things could go.

"Things like drugs, alcohol, sex, hurting myself, and I willingly let time have control over me..." He didn't think Lani would want more details than that, but Odion couldn't have those things stand in their way if they were to try again. Lani deserved to know the kind of dumpsters Odion had been diving in in order to find sustenance. If Jared hadn't found him, he would literally be dead. Odion had disconnected himself not only from Lani, but from everyone around him. If Jared hadn't been so stubborn and asked absolutely everyone if they had seen Odion, and gone and done the job himself, Odion would've died. "It's almost like I wanted misery, as strange as that sounds."

[Lani Hunter]

The ache throbbed and Lani did his best to ignore it. Odion needed him right now, the redhead was collapsing in on himself with things he had already deemed too much for him to remember. Odion was taking it hard and honestly Lani was ready to catch him since he didn’t look all too steady on his feet. Lani blinked in surprise and shook his head, unable to comprehend the question. If by that he meant how many times have you screwed up and saved me, maybe Lani would have taken the question seriously. “About half as many as you’ve saved me,” Lani replied and he meant that. Odion had helped him through one of the hardest things in his life and he’d saved Lani from a life that was a small step above life in chains.

Relief washed over Lani, he needed a break just as much as Odion did. If Odion had wanted to plow through Lani might not have been able to do it. He needed some time to gather his heart back from all of the pieces and put them more or less back together before he subjected himself to more pain. Odion stepped away and Lani allowed himself to fall back on the couch. He ran a hand through his hair and winced at the pain in his skull. “Sure, water?” He asked looking over his shoulder at Odion. His power was fighting this just as much as Odion’s power had fought it in the beginning. It wasn’t pleasant, he didn’t mean to fight it, but his heart remembered and his power remembered and everything logical screamed for them to stop him from doing something stupid. His fingers itched toward his pocket. Hadn’t he once thought these pills were magic? That they could take any pain away. He knew better, they did nothing for the hurts of the heart, he’d tried. But it wouldn’t hurt to take one for his head.

He swallowed his pill as Odion returned and he thanked the redhead for the water, cracking the bottle open and taking a sip. Lani watched Odion as he spoke and slowly he nodded. They had been so caught up, but they were thieves and still looking out for number one. They had tried to beat it but when push came to shove protecting themselves had come first. They could have avoided all of this if honesty was the basis of their relationship. Lani stayed silent and just nodded for Odion to continue. Lani kept his face schooled in an expressionless mask. Guilt sank down on Lani. If he’d been there, if he hadn’t made the first move to leave he could have stopped this all from happening. “Do you ever feel like we try to screw things up?” Lani asked in a soft voice.

“Odion, are we so used to things blowing up in our face that when they’re going well we find a way to screw it up?” He honestly understood Odion’s strange desire, he’d felt it too. They were two very messed up people when it came down to it. And somehow they’d come together and decided to try to help each other not be screwed up. Lani found when things were going well that he was likely to do something stupid to sabotage himself. He didn’t pretend to know what was in Odion’s mind, but he knew in his own mind that that was a truth. After last summer, part of Lani didn’t want to heal because part of it felt like he was finally paying for all of his crimes. He took another drink. “I’m glad Jared found you,” he said and finally looked up at Odion. Lani was even more glad that his nightmares hadn’t come true and Rhett hadn’t found Odion. A lot of people think thieves don’t take responsibility, but what they don’t realize is how they carry their crimes with them forever.

[Odion Martins]

Perhaps these things were too much to remember. He had been acting like a lunatic when he had gone and done the deed of forgetting it all, but maybe it hadn’t been so crazy after all. In his delirious mind, perhaps it was what made the most sense. Odion swayed as they stood. On top of everything he had learned so far, gravity was only working against him. The redhead barked out a laugh, shaking his head. “Half? That hardly seems right…” Or maybe it just didn’t seem so impossible to be there for Lani when Lani needed him, in fact it made sense. But when Lani was there for him, it was like a breath of clean air when he hadn’t realized he had been inhaling smog this whole time. It was unpayable.

Holding the water bottle between his hands, Odion sighed – what he really wanted was a shower. There was something about being immaculately clean that made everything else bearable. He handed Lani’s water over to him and watched him drink and knew that there had been some kind of pain killer involved. Odion didn’t have telekinesis, but sometimes common sense worked just as well for creatures of habit. Odion took a gulp of water and nodded to himself, a moment or two lingering in the air after Lani asked the question. They had much of the same life views, and it was incredible how to Odion, it often felt as though Lani were reading his mind. “Sometimes. It’s the only thing that has ever made sense, that things don’t make sense.” It was like how they both seemed determined to be unlovable, so they were. It took a certain amount of stubbornness and help from others in order for minds to be changed.

Odion thought about what Lani was saying, and continued the blonds inner questioning. “Testing the limits and boundaries, because that’s what we’ve always done…” They had pushed societal boundaries out of the way and rebelled against how things operated on the bottom of the ladder. In essence, they had screwed that up. They decided not to follow the rules and it worked out in their favour. But that isn’t always what happens when limits are tested and things get broken. A broken heart did nothing to bring you closer to the person you wanted to be with. And if you were forever punishing yourself, that’s all life would ever be – hell, and paying for your sins.

“We don’t deserve to be fucked up and screwed over,” Odion said shrewdly. “We don’t…” He wiped at his eyes again and took another swig from the bottle, washing it all down. He closed his eyes and concentrated on Lani being there next to him. Their powers seemed to be leering at one another, angry, but too tired to attack. “Me too,” Odion said, a mental picture of Jared and his half smile filling his mind. Odion felt the strange urge to hug Jared as soon as he was back in the apartment – the bastard. Taking a deep breath, Odion looked back to Lani, finding himself much calmer than he had been before. He wasn’t ever going to forget what they had been through ever again, not if he could help it.

Considering Lani, Odion studied him for a moment before leaning in and closing the space between them with a kiss that lasted long enough for Lani to know that Odion meant what was on his heart. “I can’t do this without you,” he managed to say, out of breath and lost for words. He needed Lani - not just for the memories, but for future memories.

[Lani Hunter]

Lani smiled softly at Odion. “It’s all a matter of perspective, I suppose,” he shrugged unsure what Odion was thinking. Lani sobered, his smile fading to nothing as he thought. It wasn’t fair for them to compare stories, Odion had saved Lani’s life but he had also abandoned Lani when he needed him most. Odion was still surprising him, even now. One lesson had been learned, Lani could take care of himself, he didn’t need someone to help him, he could do it on his own. He’d pulled himself through the mud and the darkness on his own, he’d taken the helping hand of a friend or Caroline on the way. He was finding himself still afraid of being honest with Odion, despite that that was the reason they broke up in the first place. He was so afraid that Odion would learn something that made Lani fall from his good graces again.

Looking down at his hands he lost himself in his thoughts. He took another sip of water, marveling at how it felt cold all the way down. The telekinetic nodded his head along as he listened. He breathed out something that could be called a laugh. They had issues, the two of them. Each carried so much baggage with them it was hard to sort through all of it, it was easier just ignore the new things that came along. Things could only go wrong for so long until it started to be the expected outcome. Lani sighed, he still couldn’t believe everything that had happened since the last summer, it had been so wonderful, things had been so right. Which mean that things had to go wrong. He chewed on his lip and looked up at Odion as he continued. Here was the one person who had loved him despite everything, and Lani had gone out of his way to betray and hurt him.

“If we succeed who is to say if that’s a good thing,” Lani added looking back to his hands. The answer was obvious, they had pushed each other and then they pushed each other past the edge and something had to snap. A person could only bend so far before breaking and as they tested each other and their limits they had crossed a few of those lines. Lani’s hands twitched with desire to reach out to Odion. Lani clenched his jaw and looked off into space his transgressions floating before his eyes. Whether it was something they deserved or not it was something that kept happening. “Maybe not,” Lani replied thoughtfully, “Maybe that’s just what everyone else keeps telling us.” Lani couldn’t count the number of times someone, even his own father, had pointed a finger at him and said ‘you brought this on yourself’.

The silence lingered and Lani turned his eyes up to find Odion looking at him a curious look on his face. His brow furrowed as confusion crossed his face. Lani stiffened at first from the intimate contact he had been avoiding for months. His mind and heart went head to head and in the moment his heart didn’t care of all of its hurts, it reached for Odion and Lani’s eyes slipped closed and he fell into the kiss. The walls between them shattered in Lani’s mind and the warmth of Odion’s power caressed the telekinesis, tense it balked from the familiar power. Lani didn’t increase the distance between them when the kiss broke. He reached forward and taking Odion’s head in his hands. Resting his forehead against Odion’s Lani didn’t open his eyes, he just wanted to be here. He wrapped his arms around Odion and held him tightly, protectively, as if he could make everything bad go away just by simply being here. “I want to help you,” Lani said softly, “I don’t want to give up on us, I want try to fix this, with you.” Lani released Odion and found those blue eyes. But mostly, Lani just want to be an us again.

The emotions were strong and banging against his sanity in every direction. The residual pain brought anger and these moments brought love. Lani closed his eyes and tried to breathe, this moment this was so much to relive. He’d do it for Odion. “I’m not going anywhere,” Lani said a sly smile creeping on his face. Deep in the back of his mind, there was a nagging thought, maybe this wasn’t a good idea, maybe this wasn’t healthy for them. How could it be to feel so connected to one person like this. He loved Odion more than he had words to describe it, but was it a wise move to jump back in? His heart longed for Odion and yet it remembered the pain, his mind recalled the darkness and the depression. He had been getting better without Odion, but the scars had worn hard on him. He would have been okay eventually but he didn’t want to be okay. How could he think of walking out now? He was so tired of running.

[Odion Martins]

Odion agreed in silence. They didn’t have to save the other when the times had come, but they had and continued to do so. It hardly made sense, and Odion thought that after all the times he had been hurt, it was odd that he hadn’t pulled away. The compassion that had compelled him in his heart was strange and yet so human, more human than anything he had felt before. To be human therefore was not to look away when someone else was hurting then, it was to feel that hurt with them and know that two are stronger than one. But now they were too afraid of hurting each other that that was exactly what seemed to happen anyways.

It was strange to be this vulnerable. Yes they had had conversations similar to this one in the past, but never this deep, never this… palpable. It was like Odion’s thoughts were being viewed just as though he were showing a memory. But thoughts couldn’t be seen like that, they had to be spoken. And as he spoke the words, their lives somehow made more sense. That maybe it was their fault for faulting the other, but it wasn’t their fault that they had been given the hand they were dealt. That was sheer chance. Odion stared vacantly at the empty wall in front of them, and thought randomly that maybe some decoration was in order… There wasn’t anything he could do to take back his wrongdoings and not feel like he had cheated someone out of what their life was meant to look like. Yes he could control time, but it seemed that sometimes it wasn’t always meant to be controlled.

“I have no idea,” Odion shrugged, “good or bad, it’s hard to break something you’ve gotten used to doing.” He had tried so hard once to be hard and rigid. He had given up on society and therefore had lived within his own rules and his own walls in order to make do with the hand he was given. But then Lani came along and suddenly Odion’s walls came down. His hand didn’t seem so bad after all. In fact, perhaps he could be more like a willow tree, bending in the wind but never breaking. Then one wrong move and the entire game was over. Odi looked thoughtfully over at Lani. “I don’t think there is an ‘everyone else’ for me.” If anything, he was his own worst enemy. Everyone he had ever been close to believed in him, and yet, he still royally fucked up.

If he hadn’t just spilled his heart out for Lani to see, if they hadn’t just relived such painfully agonizing memories as though they had just come to pass, Odion wouldn’t have dared to get so close to Lani so soon. Yes it had been months since they had made peace and progress, but they were both taking it slow and cautious. It seemed that all that waiting finally added up to a moment where Odion simply wasn’t overthinking anymore. Lani didn’t respond to the kiss at first and Odion didn’t take it personally, he just thought he had overstepped his boundaries. But it seemed Lani had quickly changed his mind, or perhaps his heart changed it for him.

Odion wrapped his hands over Lani’s hands as they rested forehead to forehead. He suddenly didn’t care about how ugly he must’ve looked, because he knew that that was the last thing on Lani’s mind. It didn’t matter in light of the here and now, and if their love was only skin deep then it wasn’t love in the first place. “I will give you my all. I will give this everything I have.” It didn’t seem like much to offer, but it was what he could do. He wanted to be by Lani’s side again. He wanted to know it was okay to continue to love Lani because he was loved in return. Maybe this wasn’t healthy, but he didn’t care. Lani said he wasn’t going anywhere, so Odion kissed him again – clearly neither was he.

After some moments had passed, Odion took a breath and asked the question about the elephant in the room. “Should we just finish it off then? The rest of that day…” Clearly he didn’t want to anymore, but they didn’t have to relive it either. They could just… Talk. It’s what they should’ve done long ago.

[Lani Hunter]

Somehow their love had evolved into war and careless things were thrown around like ammunition and in the end they’d hid in their trenches and fired from a distance and then instead of alliance they severed all ties and put an ocean between them. Lani hadn’t understood back then, in fact it almost seemed that this breakup had been worth more than he original thought. He was a flawed human and he didn’t always understand what he did nor why he did them but he understood one thing and that was that loving someone didn’t mean tricking them, it meant communication. Lani raised his head and looked at Odion, it also meant forgiving mistakes, it meant that when the bed you’d made for yourself was hard to sleep in that someone was there to offer a place in theirs, or lay down in yours with you. Lani was afraid, he had made mistakes over and over again and Odion again and again ran. What if he screwed up again?

Lani took a drink from his water bottle and leaned forward with his elbows on his knees. He looked at Odion, still having a hard time accepting that they were having this conversation. Nodding, Lani couldn’t imagine a time when he hadn’t been pushing the rules and later the laws of physics. It wasn’t like them to fit neatly into boxes. Lani looked at Odion, as if seeing him for the first time. Silence filled the room, but it wasn’t uncomfortable, not with the gentle hum that came with Lani’s thoughts. Odion was hard on himself, too hard. Lani looked back at his hands and carefully formulated his question, there were so many words that he could have said, he could have soothed, he could have comforted, but instead when the telekinetic turned his eyes back to Odion all he asked was, “Why?”

His mind was moving a mile a minute, he couldn’t think straight, not around Odion. With Odion he made leaps without looking, he changed his plans, he didn’t care that things didn’t make sense. Away from Odion, he’d be over thinking this already, he would be panicked and frightened by the turns his heart had made. Such a rapid change from its fear and anger when Odion first arrived. Lani knew after leaving here he would be confused, he would be emotionally drained and he never made good decisions when he was emotionally strained. He needed to clear his head but he didn’t want to leave, he wanted to stay here and be muddle headed for a while longer. They weren’t perfect, but they were greater together than Lani ever truly understood. Whatever it was that pushed and pulled at them like the tide was losing grip, every time they surged toward each other it was harder to pull them apart, Lani wished they would stop trying.

Close together Lani opened his eyes and looked into Odion’s blues, falling into them. There was nothing but bare honesty behind those eyes and when Odion spoke it reached like a hand and brushed his heart making him shiver. “Odion,” He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, “I just want you here with me.” It was true, the world was a lot clearer and lot sharper with Odion. Lani didn’t want to be without the redhead again. He wasn’t sure what emotion it was that strung them together, but if love was wanting to do anything for another person and if love was wanting to stand with them to the end of the world, than perhaps this was love. The word love was a strange and ever changing thing. Love, this was Lani’s version of love. Before Lani had a chance to get lost in his thoughts further Odion kissed him. The telekinetic let his eyes slide closed and there was no more need for thought. Thinking got in the way, his heart knew what it wanted.

Lani didn’t open his eyes even when he heard Odion speak. He couldn’t avoid the visible flinch that came with thinking of continuing this soul wrenching process. It was a serious stress to Lani’s sanity. Lani pulled away and opened his eyes. “It is the last missing piece,” Lani agreed grudgingly. Lani was a story teller, but this was one story he didn’t want to tell. Exhaling a long breath Lani looked down at the carpet and wondered what on earth was going to happen next. “It wasn’t pretty,” Lani mused, “We were very… unkind.” Thinking back, Lani partially wanted to sweep all of it under the rug so Odion would never know. So he would never know the horrible things Lani had said. Of all of the things Lani regretted, telling Odion that he was the biggest mistake of Lani’s life was the highest on his list. Suddenly, Lani rose to his feet, “Do you mind if I use your bathroom?” Lani moved in the general direction of a hall but he had no idea which of the several doors was the bathroom and he wasn’t looking to open every one to figure it out.

Granted he didn’t even really need direction as it was only so hard for a telekinetic to figure out which room was the one he was looking for. He slipped inside and leaned against the door, his knees having gone to water. This was a lot harder than he initially thought it was going to be. He looked at himself in the mirror and rubbed his hands over his face wondering why he looked so tired. A short time later Lani was washing his hands and he cupped some water in his palms intending to splash it on his face. He hesitated and looked down at the small collection. Good God, Lani, still? he thought to himself and let the water drain and instead just rubbed his damp hands over his eyes. Before he left he took another collection of pills, to ease what? He wasn’t sure if he was trying to find relief for his head or his heart. With a deep breath he slipped back into the living room. His feet making no sound as he moved, even as he made no effort to sneak as he made his way back to the couch.

He scratched his head and shrugged at the time turner, “Did you want to look back again?” He assumed they were going to do this the way they had before and he hoped and prayed that in the end Odion didn’t hate him.

[Odion Martins]

Lani’s question rang in Odion’s head as a million other little thoughts occupied his mind. “No one ever told me I had to steal, or lie or cheat. No one said I had to push past limits,” he looked at Lani as he considered his next words, “but no one told me to love or laugh, or any of that rubbish either.” Odion didn’t like being on display, he didn’t belong in a museum; he belonged in the here and now. The saying about how we are our own worst critics applied to Odion a hundred fold. “I think sometimes I’ve just accepted my own lies.” Like how he felt unlovable, and abandoned. Things just weren’t as black and white as he thought they were. He ran frustrated fingers through his hair and looked at the wall. “I’m not making any sense, am I?”

Sometimes when nothing was said, everything made more sense. When they kissed, it was like nothing else mattered, past, present, or future. When they were together, the what if’s and the past disappeared and a fresh start was all that was left. Odion realized that maybe he should stop making promises he couldn’t keep, and maybe he should stop trying, and starting being. Being together, he could do that. He could take things a day at a time. It was all they had after all. Maybe it was selfish to want each other this way, but then they couldn’t be the only ones.

Biting his lower lip, Odion wasn’t exactly excited to uncover the last bit of memory which had been forgotten. He nodded as Lani tiptoed around the memory. He wasn’t the least bit surprised that their breakup had been anything but civil. It just wasn’t in their nature to leave like that, not if it really meant something. Lani could’ve left quietly whenever he pleased, but to leave a mark as he went, that was when you knew Lani truly cared. Odion only knew this because he was the same way. If someone wasn’t worth his time, why struggle at the end when you could just vanish? Before Odion could respond with directions to the restroom, Lani was gone.

Collecting everything that had just happened in his mind, Odion closed his eyes. He could only imagine what Lani was feeling. He left like a truck had run over his face and chest, and he was surprised he hadn’t had a heart attack yet. How could anyone tolerate this kind of pain? He would rather be in a fight with five other meta humans than ever relive these memories again. There was the pain of losing Lani, and how he had lived without ever knowing they had made love, and how he had been okay with that… Then there was seeing his mother for the first time… Fresh tears streamed down his face and he left them fall without so much as a sniff. The tears stung all the way down his raw face, and when Lani returned, he didn’t bother wiping them away.

Giving a nod, Odion opened his eyes again to find the world hadn’t changed a bit. They were right where they needed to be. “Might be easiest to do it that route, yeah?” Odion could only imagine what it would feel like to verbally attest to the events they had been trying so hard to both avoid and uncover at the same time. Seeing Lani look so terribly nervous and sick to this stomach, Odion decided he would try to be better. Right now. “Lani, whatever you said, whatever you’re not proud of… I’m not proud of it either. My world has literally been shattered again and again, sometimes I don’t even know what the point of it all is.” He took a breath and didn’t bother trying to hide how unsure of himself he was. He could’ve hid his true emotions, but why would he? Between being abandoned, becoming a thief, chasing another thief across the planet, becoming suicidal, being found by Lani, and then being forced by Lani to meet his family, Odion wasn’t sure which dip in the rollercoaster of his life had been more difficult to bear. “This is really corny, but… you’re my point, you’re my Northern star.” He smiled slightly and looked down again.