Walk With You (Odion)

[Lani Hunter]

There was so much about this day that Lani had been avoiding and all of the emotions were tearing at his walls begging to be given just a tendril of power. Just a sliver and it would take this world and tear it to pieces. The pain of holding his power back ebbed to a dull ache and he wiped his face with his hands and wiped any trace of fear and worry from his expression. He couldn’t stop Odion from doing this and he promised not to let Odion do this alone and he would hold that promise. There were just so many scenarios in Lani’s mind where Odion saw the things Lani had done and heard the things he had said and decided apart was better than together. So many possibilities where Odion left again. And Lani would be struck down again, chased back behind his walls and freezing his heart over.

He felt something touch his foot and he smiled down at the cat. He picked up Darshay and carried her into the living room. Lani wasn’t sure how or when it had happened but he’d somehow acquired four cats. Darshay squirmed and dropped from his arms to show her protest for the newest addition, Zoi. The fiery colored kitten that had been gifted to him from Avi loved Darshay and curled up next to the annoyed older cat. He scratched the new cat’s head before grabbing his keys and heading for the door. Odion’s place had been agreed upon. Lani couldn’t put it off anymore and it was all he could do to keep himself from running in the opposite direction. Things between him and Odion had been so strange. As the first snows had fallen Lani found himself without a prayer for understanding. He loved Odion, he wanted nothing more than to be with him, but did Odion really want the same thing?

Even with his hands stuffed into his pockets and his chin tucked into a scarf that pooled around his neck, Lani was still cold. He finally dug his beanie out of his pocket and tugged it over his ears, letting himself concentrate on the chill instead of what was to come. The snow had been plowed from the streets, but the sidewalks still had quite a layer of snow. It had been an early year for snow, only November and it was already well below freezing and it was looking to be a white and frigid winter. His boots crunched faintly as he walked and he watched the ground as he walked. He tried to organize his mind, he tried to plan but there were really only two things he could plan for. The best case scenario, Odion remembered and everything was forgiven, if painful. The worst case scenario, Odion remembered and he hated Lani for all of the things he'd said and done. He couldn't even put his own emotions in order and for once he was going into something with nothing but himself. No planned speeches, not words that would magically make it all better.

Odion had found him on his lost path when he'd crashed through the underbrush, bruised and scared. Odion had offered his hand and instead of leaving Lani when Lani shied away from his help, he simply walked with him. Odion had walked with him, until hearts had been warmed and Lani realized Odion needed his help as much as Lani needed Odion's. Hand in hand they'd made it to this point, distant but present, wavering on the edge of their own abyss. Holding on as if one of them letting go would cause both to tumble helplessly into darkness. Every step bringing them here, to the point when their roads forked. Would they part ways here? Or would they venture down the path less traveled and forge a new path? His breath puffed out ahead of him as he looked up. Lani’s feet had found their way to Odion’s building and the telekinetic swallowed as he felt a strange mix of fear and elation building in his heart. Finding his way to the door, Lani took a deep breath and knocked.

[Odion Martins]

In a way it felt as though he had only just returned to Pilot Ridge, since things seemed to feel normal once everyone was doing tearing a piece into Odion Martins. He had even managed to strike up a relationship with Lani, and dare he think it, but it may have been better than he ever thought it could be. But there was one giant elephant in the room who was keeping them apart. Yes they weren’t fighting nearly as much as they once had, but then what were they holding back? Odion had spent time healing, repairing, and now he needed to know the truth. He had been patient, and knew he could be patient for much much longer if he needed to be, but this needed to be done before too much false hope set in. Time would tell if memories were something they could endure together.

Waiting without an end was one thing, but waiting while knowing the end was excruciating. Lani was coming now, to discuss what they had put off for so long. While pacing in the small apartment, Odion wondered just how much of this struggle had been due to patience, or procrastination. If this was a dream, he much preferred it to reality. Movie nights, dates, finding himself in a drunken stupor staring at the stars. There was much to be said in moments like these, but they were also perfect without words. What if what he had done ruined all that had been built? Had it even been a wise choice to build atop a rocky foundation? Lies could be swept under the rug, but they were still there, collecting, growing… They would be found eventually.

Odion knew he loved Lani, or he wouldn’t have returned at all. And though he pierced at the blocked out memories, they would not come. He could not find them, though he knew they were there, collecting, growing… He shook his head, running his fingers through his hair. The apartment was immaculate, there was nothing left to fuss over. He himself was also immaculate, honing jeans and what to him seemed a simple black button down shirt. He was far too nervous for much else. Titans though they may be, they were still weak, and what was more was that they were each other’s weaknesses. It was for the best that they weren’t heroes – there would be too much at stake to truly take on the world, knowing that someone could hurt the other. Odion knew what would happen if he was ever in a world without Lani. He needed him – they needed each other.

Opening the door into his plain apartment, Odion managed a half smile. He was too nervous to say anything and he knew if he did it would fall on deaf ears. He could tell from the look on Lani’s face that he was also nervous. All of the things that trainers tried to prepare you for were never enough for the real world. There was no manual, no stretch to perform before delving into memories you had mentally severed away in a wild attempt to never be hurt again. It just proved how stupid the heart could be. But you couldn’t live without it, and Odion didn’t want to. He was a far different person now, than when he had first made the trek across seas to find the one he loved.

“May I?” Odion asked, offering his arm as he gestured towards Lani’s winter clothing. The apartment was toasty warm, and Odion hoped the evening would go well and Lani wouldn’t have to leave in a huff. But it was Lani who knew the truth, Odion was going to have to find his way through the darkness. And he had no idea what the ramifications would be of uncovering this past. His power was strong now, but there was an inkling of doubt that could cause tremendous chaos.

[Lani Hunter]

Looking at Odion when he opened the door, it was easy to see he was just as nervous as Lani was. Lani felt rebuked, he knew what had happened and Odion had no idea. He knew the worst and he was prepared for it, emotionally and physically. He’d done his mourning and even as Odion wore away his walls they were as strong as they had ever been he had been keeping his distance. As much as he longed to be close he forced himself to separate, but today was different. Today his shields were down and he was willing to move forward but his heart was not going to be easily given away this time. It had taken him all of the months of Odion’s absences to collect all of the pieces and keep them safe and hidden. The missing pieces had returned with Odion but Lani knew that if things didn’t go as he hoped today he was going to have to live without them.

The telekinetic was terrified, if Odion left he would have to go back to that shell of a human he’d become. He’d be cold and he would be calculating. No creature could touch him there to hurt him. Lani offered a smile back at the redhead. Two powerful meta humans brought to their knees by love, it would have been humorous if it weren’t so painful. There were those that said that love was strong and that love conquered all. Well, it had conquered them without a doubt. Whether that was a good or bad thing had yet to be determined. They were never stronger than then they were together, but together they were also standing on either side of the door getting weak kneed. Had it not been for his inability to trust his feet the telekinetic might have bolted by now but with an attempt to swallow the lump in his throat he forced himself to step inside.

Lani stared at Odion in confusion for a moment before he caught on and shed his outer layers. “Thanks,” he said softly handing his heavy coat over. While Odion was occupied Lani looked around. This place was immaculate! How did Odion even do that? Lani doubted if he moved the couch he would find so much as a speck. Lani wasn’t going to leave in a huff, he’d already had that talk with himself. Odion was the one in need of truth. Now, just because he’d schooled himself didn’t mean he was going to be any good in practice. He rubbed his arms and stood in the entryway for a moment before deciding he’d better start off by not ruining Odion’s carpet and he crouched to pull off his shoes. Lani wasn’t thinking in terms of an easy escape like he normally would, in his own way he knew himself so well he was making escape hard for himself.

He rubbed his arms as he straightened despite the warmth in the room. He’d decided against wearing his favorite hoodie, but now Lani was finding himself wanting that safety blanket. He wasn’t sure how the Celtics hoodie had become a comfort but for a long time after Odion had left Lani had lived in the thing. He stood there for a moment unsure of what to do then finally moved his eyes back to Odion and opened his lips slightly as if he thought about saying something but decided against it. He wasn’t sure he was prepared for the emotional turmoil he was about to subject himself to but well, no use in delaying it. “Odion,” he said hesitantly. He didn’t smile reassuringly but he felt the need to warn Odion of what was to come. He wasn’t initially sure he could do it if it meant reliving the thing’s he’d done and said. Things he’d said when his only purpose was to make Odion hurt as much as he’d been hurt. His voice shook with uncertainty and fear but his eyes never left the redhead’s. “I want... I want you to know that I said… I-I was angry, I said a lot of things... a lot of things I didn’t mean.”

[Odion Martins]

Odion knew he was in for a run for his money, however much of that may be stolen. In a way, he couldn’t stand to wait for this moment, but on the other hand, he knew he had needed the time to recuperate and actually be ready for this moment. It was one thing to just get it over it, another to go through it and perhaps still find Lani a pleasure to be around. Odion knew he was going to have to set a lot of himself aside, and see things from Lani’s point of view. And while he was willing to give Lani all the grace in the world, he wasn’t sure he could do the same for himself. But at least Lani looked as though he cared, not that he owned the world. He wasn’t here to rub anything in Odion’s face or say I told you so.

There hadn’t been much of Odion to speak of while he was wasting away in Europe. Yes, he had retained the shell, but it had been utterly empty. Something about Jared had revived the memories Odion was trying to part from himself. He knew that if you tied something off long enough, it would eventually die and detach. It just hadn’t happened when it had to do with his heart. He had tucked his heart away under many shields, but it was still there. The same technique also hadn’t worked with his mind, though he imagined had he stuck with his original plan of substance abuse and sheltering himself, the whole ship may have sunk. It was a dreary thought to wonder about. Being a time turner, he had never ventured forth to see what near death felt like. He wasn’t sure how tempting it could’ve been.

Busying himself with Lani’s coat and such, Odion let his face fall into the worry he was feeling on the inside. There was no smile to be found, and Odion knew Lani would be able to feel the stress the redhead was feeling. Lani had probably rehearsed this moment a million times, and Odion had tried to do the same. But it didn’t matter how he prepared, seeing as he didn’t know what had truly happened. The puzzle was nearly complete, he just hoped Lani wouldn’t continue hiding it. Odion shut the closet and bypassed Lani still taking off his shoes, his eyes on the couch but he turned on the spot and stood in the entrance hallway instead. It was almost as if something lovely were about to happen, what with all the formalities. But Odion didn’t feel butterflies, he felt like he was going to be sick. And he didn’t have any charming words to bestow upon the blond.

Watching Lani, Odion couldn’t help but think that Lani was still handsome, despite what they’d been through, despite what was going to happen, and despite the worried expression on his face. Odion shifted where he stood as Lani did, ducking his head, no words falling from his mouth. Odion looked back when Lani spoke, eyebrows raised at Lani’s warning tone of voice. Odion, waiting for Lani’s reply, found courage in Lani’s presence, the look on his face, and stepped forward. He knew this was going to be hard, but also that this was by choice. And there were a lot of choices he could’ve made that wouldn’t have landed them here. Odion reached a hand to Lani’s, brushing it softly at first, but then going to grab it instead. He wasn’t going to do this half assed. “I’m sure I said as much if not more equally terrible things…” What else would have kept Lani away?

Tugging Lani gently, Odion led the way to the couch without asking first. It was without saying that this ordeal would probably be best sitting down. “It feels like a part of me is missing, even if that part isn’t going to be good to know, I still wish to know it.” Odion said, trying to explain what it was like to walk about without a piece of your memory. He played absently with Lani’s hand in his still. “I don’t really know what else to say about it, other than I’d give anything to know, if only to make things right with you… Even if nasty things were said, even if you think it’s going to hurt me, because if you’re worried about hurting me, well… Then you must really give a shit about me.” Odion smirked a little at the end of his rambling, feeling a little bit of that nauseous feeling subsiding.

[Lani Hunter]

The tension in the room was so thick it was almost palpable. If Lani had his way he would put this day off forever, but Odion was ready and Lani couldn’t tell him no. If this was truly not to be then today was the day that they would know that. If… Lani closed his eyes, all of the ‘if’s and ‘what if’s had run through him mind a million times and Lani’s plan to come in with no expectations, good or bad, was starting to fail. He dared not be optimistic, but the pessimism was so oppressive he could barely breathe. Now that he was officially in the door the floor seemed unsteady under his feet and the room seemed too small. Lani was again glad he’d worked his power into exhaustion earlier in the day then topped it off with enough pain killers to sedate a normal person. He was never going to be ready for this moment, but here’s to jumping without looking.

Rehearsing this moment a million times hadn’t made it any easier to get the words out. In fact Lani had a speech prepared and here he was reduced to a stuttering mess. He’d only been able to manage half of the things he’d planned to say. Seeing Odion’s face, all of the apologies seemed so weak, and all hope seemed to dry up. Strangely enough, when the pools had dried they did not leave cracking hopelessness in their wake, instead it seemed to scour the ground clear of debris. Still Lani felt the icy chill as he stood on the ledge looking across the chasm to Odion. He’d tried to leap it once before, but fear had made him slip. Perhaps with the rubble that had cracked when they broke they could build a bridge. Lani looked over at Odion, his shoulders tense and his hands working with meticulous accuracy.

Odion passed him by and Lani focused on his shoes, but looked up when he found Odion had stopped. There were lines of stress between Odion’s brow and Lani could almost see the strain and stress behind Odion’s ocean blue eyes. Lani had come here thinking, Odion was foolish, thinking things would be easy, now as he rose he saw how dead wrong he’d been. The time turner was less prepared for the journey they were about to embark on than the telekinetic, for the telekinetic knew the of this chapter, but he did not know the end of the story. His own voice sounded shaky and frail to his ears but Odion took them seriously. The redhead wasn’t smiling, he didn’t have that smirk in his eyes. They were open and honest and Lani allowed himself to feel a twinge of hope. He didn’t reply, letting his silence speak for itself, they’d see soon. Lani swallowed and took Odion’s hand and borrowing whatever unnatural courage Odion had found to endure this trial.

Lani followed and tucked a foot under himself as he sat. He didn’t let go of Odion’s hand, he didn’t want to, he was afraid and somehow holding onto Odion made him feel brave. Lani’s eyes searched Odion’s face as he spoke. Lani’s eyes drifted to their hands and the telekinetic squeezed Odion’s hand and entwined his fingers with the redhead’s. He tried his best to smile encouragingly. “You don’t have to do this alone,” he said and his eyes lifted from their hands back to Odion’s blue eyes. Lani opened his mouth to protest but Odion was rambling and when he was rambling he wasn’t really thinking about what he was saying, he was just speaking. It was honest and Lani closed his mouth and waited for Odion to finish.

A surprised smile flashed across Lani’s face. “Oh, Odion,” he whispered, “Of course I care about you. I never stopped caring about you.” This was something Odion said he had to do, Lani wouldn’t stop him. He hoped and prayed that this wasn’t going to lead to a fight. Tempers had been so high, the words had been flung not to kill but to maim and they’d done a good job on each other. “There is blame to share.” He didn’t look away from Odion but his heart thumped in his chest as if it were trying to escape. “Odion, I’m sorry for what I did to us.” To Lani it was that simple, if he’d never done what he’d done they wouldn’t have fought and Odion wouldn’t have left and they wouldn’t be here now. He understood now what he’d done had been very wrong, and the lies were worse, if he could go back, he’d… Oh well, hindsight was always twenty-twenty. Lani looked up at Odion, his love, his dearest friend. Lani braced himself, locking his eyes with Odion’s and falling into their depth. He was ready. Was Odion?

[Odion Martins]

Indeed everything was clear when it could be viewed in the past. In Odion’s case, the past could be viewed in high definition. It was almost too much to focus on, and he was happy to know that he could separate his ability to view and review, from the future. Yes he wished what happened in the past hadn’t happened, but he couldn’t even erase it, he had tried. It may have been kinder to erase it from all time, but Odion wasn’t going to take that away from Lani, not after everything they’d been through. Perhaps he hadn’t been as selfish as he once thought he was… Odion smiled slightly, glad he wouldn’t have to do this alone. He couldn’t, literally and figuratively. It was this sentiment from Lani that spurred Odion into a rambling session.

An equally surprised smile crossed Odion’s face. Lani never stopped caring about him… What they had said had been sheer stupidity. The fact that it had trumped everything they had together, even more stupid than the words. If it had proven anything it was that they were incredibly stubborn. “I can only assume,” Odion said, knowing that where there was blame, he was usually involved. That it was shared was an improvement on his part. Nodding, Odion gave Lani’s hand a squeeze. “As am I.”

“Well, let’s get on with it shall we?” He asked, leaning forward slightly and gazing at Lani. “Maybe with the good?” This was as ready as either of them would be. Odion’s memory only went as far as knowing that they had planned on taking a summer trip to Europe, where he had created a list of where and what they would visit, and had given said list to Lani. He knew they had gone, otherwise he wouldn’t have returned from Europe, but he didn’t know what had happened while they were there, other than the obvious. He assumed it was good, he assumed there had been smiles…

Showing memories was tricky business, but Odion was an expert. Together with Lani, they went back in time to view the days in Vermont, at the Hammel Institute, where they were still planning together and Lani had just told his parents what they were planning on doing. They had never quite known the extent of the lads’ relationship. Concentrating hard, Odion tried to move past this memory, which he had seen a hundred times when he was trying to uncover the past on his own. But it hadn’t worked, his mind started to feel nothing. The memory felt warm, like when their powers touched… But then the memory they were visiting began to fade, and Odion looked to Lani, waiting for his memories to be added, to colour in the memories that were missing, that Odion’s mind was grasping for. “This is where you come in…” His power caressed over Lani in a coaxing way, looking for a hand out. He wasn’t sure what this was about to turn into, but he needed to be here, to see it this way, if the memories were to stick this time around.

[Lani Hunter]

Sheer stupidity was putting it kindly. They’d been two stubborn men put into a position where they couldn’t back down and then they’d brawled. Lani couldn’t think of a better word for their last fight. The big one. The all or nothing fight that had destroyed the foundation on which they stood. Lani still remembered all of the emotions that had flashed through him that day. At first it had been guilt then anger then utter disbelief. Basically, Lani knew he fucked up but he didn’t realize he’d fucked up epically. It seemed that if Lani was going to do things horribly wrong he was going to do them so wrong that it made the world blink in shock. “Yes,” Lani agreed softly, “but don’t forget it.” He nodded taking Odion’s apology to heart. Lani’d never in a million years imagined on that day that Odion would end it all.

Lani nodded vigorously, his mouth going dry and any worlds died in his throat. Better to get it done and over with. Starting with the good, maybe that could cushion the blow. Lani doubted it, but it was worth a shot. Words failed him when he tried to speak so he just nodded again and braced himself. The last time Odion’s memories had been shown to him they had been rocky and hard to watch. He had neglected to eat just for this reason, it would probably not do well for him to get sick while they were doing this. The world around them blurred and Lani felt the strange feeling in his gut whenever Odion took them through time. Would memories be different? Or was his mind just playing tricks on him because he was nervy already?

It made Lani’s heart ache to see such happy times. He clenched his jaw and forced down the agony that welled up from his heart. Instead of soothing his heart he felt like it was slapping him in the face. Look, Lani, look at all you ruined. The echoing voice faded as Lani became aware that he was still gripping Odion’s hand. Probably a little harder than he intended. He looked at Odion and the memories and realized he was mourning again what he’d lost. Well, he’d done enough mourning. His heart cried and the telekinetic forced down tears, he was not going to lose his mind now. The more memories they watched the more something seemed to build in his heart. It soothed but did not remove the sorrow. Curious Lani examined it and with a start realized it was warm when he touched it. Warm and happy. It started in his icy core and bled through his veins and…

It was fading. Lani groped after it, but it was beyond his reach. He looked back to Odion when he spoke. He couldn’t hide the confusion on his face. “What am I supposed to do?” He asked. Lani stiffened suddenly at the feeling of the old and endlessness that crossed over him. It was a feeling he’d felt many times before and it didn’t frighten him. The timeless feel of Odion’s power. His power felt it too and the dragon stirred in its slumber. For a moment telekinesis surveyed the intruder… no, the friend. There had been a time, when locked in a cage the power had attacked, but there was no cage, there was only a hand stretched out. And his power met with it. That warm and happy sensation ignited again. “We went to England first,” Lani supplied, wondering if speaking would assist Odion’s power. The telekinetic found himself smiling, “You threatened to throw me out the window if I kept talking about how high we were.” The memory was as fresh as if it had happened yesterday:

He and Odion had boarded and Lani took the window seat, watching out the window with excitement. Odion had only looked sick the whole time. From the point at which they entered the plane, Odion was jumpy. Lani’s taken Odion’s hand as they taxied and started to lift off. Lani recalled suggesting Odion look out the window at the ocean below and the time turner had looked positively sick. They hadn’t let go of each other until they touched down in England. And there the adventure began. Tracing through the streets of France. Lani had balked at the canals of Venice and they’d both broken a few ‘breaking and entering’ laws in a Germany.

The memories were like flashes, but wherever he looked they were smiling, holding hands, laughing. There were other memories, little fights. Odion’d annoyed Lani about a sudden change in the ‘Master Plan’ and they’d bicker, or Lani’d blunder some custom and embarrassed the hell out of the native European. They were all small, all endearing. Then the night he could never forget, only a few nights before the infamous one. Lani’d taken hold of Odion and didn’t let go, telling the time turner that this time, he didn’t want to stop. They’d been so vulnerable together and…

Lani’s face flushed and he ducked his head before peaking up at Odion. Had Odion forgotten about that as well?

[Odion Martins]

Perhaps their foundation hadn’t been that great to begin with. Sure it was there, but it had never been strong enough to withhold the storms that came when two people became close with one another. Still, maybe now that everything had come crashing around them, their illusions shattered and their worst fears realized, maybe the rubble of that mess could become their new foundation; something a little more solid, with substance and resiliency. Truly with what they had gone through in the last year, they could handle nearly anything. It was time to learn the value of humility over pride and stubbornness, or they may as well throw in the towel again now. Odion was about to find out what had made everything go so terribly wrong.

They didn’t have to start at the beginning of Odion’s memory loss, but the linear memories might work better for Lani, since jumping around in time wasn’t something most people could do. And Odion could do it, but he didn’t have the memory to do it with, so there weren’t many viable options. Odion had experienced the vaguely nauseating feeling of time travelling at the beginning of his power manifestation. There had been many times when he had been sick because of it, but now it was normal. And there was nothing he could do to warn people of the sensation, other than it was like riding a roller coaster without anything to brace yourself with. It was something you had to get used to and trust.

Odion was focusing on the memory so intently, he hadn’t noticed the look of pain on Lani’s face until the blond was gripping his hand tightly. He glanced at Lani, reading him with an intense look in his eyes. It was just a memory. At least, that’s what Odion was trying to tell himself, just so that the next while could be bearable. Looking back to the memory, Odion clenched his jaw tightly. What should’ve been a beautiful memory of their relationship in bloom was just an ironic introduction to what they were about to face. As the memory faded, Odion found he was now holding Lani’s hand captive in a vice grip. If it was fading, would he too, fade? He couldn’t live in a world without Lani again.

A smirk passed over Odion’s lips. “There is no plan Lani,” Odion said in short supply. He had never done something like this before. He had never taken away a memory from himself and then tried to get it back via the person he had been trying to forget in the first place. It was entirely new, and it was only in theory that this would work. Waiting patiently at the end of time itself, Odion knew that the only one time would obey now, was Lani. He held the key to the memory, even if it was only his. For now. Odion’s theory was that he would begin to remember his own version of the story as they went on.

England. Odion’s brow furrowed, the intensity and crispness of Lani’s supplied memory lurched into Odion’s mind. The memory came to Odion like a puzzle piece locking into place, one that his mind happily gave in to. The memory surrounded them, giving them a firsthand glimpse of themselves without intruding on the memory itself, it was merely something they could observe. “Right,” Odion said in agreement, “we were going to test how well your telekinesis really worked…” But more importantly, this was working. Lani was happily looking out the window while Odion gripped the armrests. The landing was perhaps worse than the takeoff and once the plane had finally slowed down, everyone clapped. It was only customary considering they had crossed an ocean to get here, and everyone was still in one piece.

Everything was more spectacular and vivid than Odion had remembered. Of course, he had visited these places before, but they seemed so much better when Lani had been beside him, whether that be enjoying the views or breaking the rules. Europe was a truly romantic place, and very liberal. It had been quite easy to be together. And nobody knew them. As Lani spoke, his memories served to show that he had become quite a different person in Europe. He was almost, carefree. And yes, there were conflicts, but mostly Odion smiled and even laughed at some of the memories, his heart warming at the hearth of them, all the while knowing that a bomb would soon be dropped at any moment.

And just when he thought it would, something very different happened. The setting wasn’t what he thought it was going to be, but something told him it wasn’t as impossible as it seemed. They were together, alone, and everything was being touched. Odion’s heart wrenched as the memory unfolded and Lani looked away. How could he have ever wanted to forget this? Odion looked on, and though Lani had ceased to speak, Odion was enlightened by his own mind, reliving that special night on his own. Odion didn’t dare say anything, only remained still as he remembered what it had been like to be with the love of his life in the most intimate way. His free hand wiped over his face, stopping to cover his mouth lest he turn into sobs.

The memory continued as they cuddled up close to one another under the starry night of Scotland. He had asked Lani if he had been his first and Lani flushed in response. Lani knew Odion hadn’t meant it in a cruel way and as he turned to face Odion, the redhead said he hoped Lani would be his last.

In the stillness before the edge of time, Odion chanced a glance at Lani. Why couldn’t he have been sweet when he needed to be? The memory ended too soon and they were back to black. Odion tried to swallow what he hadn’t done when he should have done it – gone after Lani. But he was doing it now, he was trying now… He only hoped it wasn’t too late. “Seems too good to be true,” he said softly, his eyes imploring. He was ready for the worst of the worst.

[Lani Hunter]

Only time would tell if this would bring them through stronger or weaker than they before. Perhaps fighting for this would create something even more wonderful than before. Lani’d given a lot of thought to their relationship before this moment. What they had before was wonderful and it was also unstable. They expected so much from each other and mistakes were made. They were forced to face the fact that they were only human and that if they wished to get anywhere they had to learn to trust and hurt and forgive. What had made them shatter hadn’t been a strong blow on a sturdy structure, it had struck a castle of glass and it had shattered. They were too much for each other and too much for themselves, they were thieves they reacted the only way they knew how.

It had been a long time since Lani’d ridden along with Odion’s power and not being used to it made his stomach lurch and he had to keep hold of Odion to make sure in his mind he didn’t fall apart. Odion’s grip on Lani’s hand didn’t fade with the memory, instead it became stronger. As if reassuring that Odion wasn’t going to let himself be banished from memories. Lani looked from their hands to Odion’s face. He’d wished so many times to erase everything from his mind about Odion, but Adrianna and Avi came through for him when desperation left him with little more than a nugget of sanity. Odion hadn’t had someone to pull him back from that edge. Lani understood but it still stung to know the redhead had done everything in his power to erase the telekinetic.

It wasn’t just a memory, it was an experience, tied so intricately with his heartstrings that moving it pulled them in all sorts of different directions. He nodded slowly, a ghost of a smile flashing across his face. For once that didn’t seem so terrifying. He ran his thumb over Odion’s knuckles. He didn’t want Odion to let go, he didn’t want Odion to ever let go. Speaking, Lani watched in wonder as his memories came to fruition in front of his eyes. More vivid than he remembered but nevertheless as beautiful as he recalled. He couldn’t help smiling. Odion, his catupine who was afraid of flying, had been beside himself the whole time they were in the air and landing had been terrifying. Lani couldn’t help but smile, he didn’t have any fear of flight and when the pilot landed Lani had to trust he or she knew what they were doing. Lani’d never said it, but he didn’t think he could move anything as large as a plane.

Lani’d laughed and the present Lani couldn’t keep a small laugh from emitting from his own lips. All the while Lani spoke, the story teller in him filling in details when Odion’s memories hazily grasped for a path. Like watching a movie in which everyone watching knew the ending and the people in the film hadn’t the slightest idea of what tragedy was about to befall them. Dread hung in Lani’s heart, pulling jagged daggers of ice as it wrapped itself around the wounded organ. The memories continued and Lani didn’t continue but the memory went on without him. Lani remained silent and peaked up to look at Odion. The redhead looked in the midst of internal conflict. Lani had shoved that memory down and now that it was out in the open Lani felt too far from Odion, not just physically but mentally and emotionally. He just couldn’t bear it. He couldn’t bear to be here and to lose it all.

Silence swallowed them as they came back to the present. Lani let out a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding, as he looked at Odion, he found he couldn’t read the time turner’s expression. “But it was,” Lani whispered back and his free hand moved to cover their entwined hands. “And it was the most true thing I’ve ever experienced.” Lani’s gray eyes met Odion’s blues and the telekinetic could tell he was bracing himself for what was to come. He swallowed and looked at their hands. This was it. “Just promise me something, okay,” he said, his eyes flickering back to Odion’s face, “Don’t let go.” He needed Odion’s strength as much as Odion needed his.

He cleared his throat and dropped his eyes from Odion. His eyes stared at their hands but they didn’t see anything. No, Lani was seeing the green fields and cobblestone roads of Ireland. He didn’t need Odion’s power to remember that day in excruciating detail. “I made a plan with Declyn. I knew you wouldn’t go on your own, but I wanted you to know them. So…” Lani gripped Odion’s hand to keep it from shaking but he couldn’t keep it out of his voice, “I lied and I tricked you.” Saying it aloud beat at Lani’s guilt and he felt the weight of it on his shoulders, physically pushing him down, making him want to shrink until he disappeared. He couldn’t have lifted his shameful eyes if he tried. “I tricked you into going to see them. Your parents.”

[Odion Martins]

While Odion had mentally prepared himself for the worst, he hadn’t prepared himself for what it felt like to lose the best he had ever had. The best of Lani. It was hard to fathom that he had thrown that all away due to a spat that would probably seem ridiculous once this was all over. But on the other hand, he knew himself fairly well, and it was safe to say that whatever had conspired had hurt him deeply enough to never want to know Lani. That he had desired that above Lani… That was what was killing him now. The pain he was feeling now of losing what he had had with Lani made him blink away tears.

The black threatened to swallow them whole, but Lani was Odion’s light in the darkness. He offered a smile, his heart settling back into a normal rhythm. It just seemed strange that he could forget something like this. Time was a powerful thing to fuck around with, and he had dared to do so. Another puzzle piece had fallen into place, and Odion’s mind ached. It was like he had lived two different lives and they were now colliding together to show what was real and what he had created. He preferred the life he hadn’t tried to have, the one was Lani melted the ice around his heart and helped him discover who he truly was. Lani asked Odion to not let go, and the redhead simply gripped Lani’s hand in response. He wasn’t going anywhere.

The memories came to life before them, and Odion felt the weight of the lost memory like a heavy weight on his shoulders. Odion hadn’t seen his twin in what felt like forever, though he hadn’t forgotten he had a brother. Declyn had gone back to Ireland… I wanted you to know them… Lani truly only wanted for Odion, what he had for himself – a family, with his birth parents. The problem was that Lani hadn’t asked Odion if that was what he wanted. In the memory they were walking up a slopping hill, in the lush green that surrounded most of the country. It should have been beautiful, it should have felt like coming home. Odion pursed his lips, feeling as though he were being slapped in the face.

Watching himself meet his mother for the first time, Odion’s hand trembled around Lani’s. It was only a glimpse, but it was enough to scar him for the rest of his life. He was just better off not knowing. They looked so alike… A mix of longing, rage, hurt, and pain swirled in the memory Lani shared which now became his own. Odion shut his eyes tightly and slumped forward, his head filling with actual pain. His power was fighting back. This was what he didn’t want to remember. He didn’t want to remember what happened after this, inevitable losing Lani forever for the sake of never knowing his family. The world wobbled around them. “I can’t… I need a rest…” They lingered on the edge of the memory before it was ripped away and they were once more sitting on Odion’s couch in his apartment.

Still holding Lani’s hand, Odion wiped the tears falling down his face. It was clear he was broken by the family he would never know, slighted by how he been betrayed. He could never know them and be who he was, but that didn’t mean he had to be made of stone. “What had you hoped would happen?” Odion asked softly, sincerely. There had been some good in what Lani had tried to do and Odion was now ready to listen and understand. Lani felt guilty as it was, Odion knew that, but he wasn’t quite ready to watch them lash out at one another because of this. Did Lani really think something like that was going to work?

[Lani Hunter]

Doubts swam around Lani’s mind, Odion had panicked and broken things off the last time this topic came to light, the last time this had happened Odion had been so furious. Erased. He gritted his teeth against the thoughts that followed but he couldn’t stop them from coming. Odion had decided somewhere after their breakup that Lani wasn’t worth knowing. This was why this had to happen. Odion’s power had been manipulating him for so long, Lani couldn’t get past the nagging thought that when Odion knew what happened he would realize coming back was a mistake. Lani didn’t know if he could bear losing Odion all over again. Odion was and would always be his everything. Not once in all of their time apart had anyone even come close. Without Odion the world was colorless, devoid of all things happy. Without Odion, Lani died.

Pressure on his hand spread love through his veins. Courage swept through him and he spoke. He’d been such a fool, all Odion had ever wanted was for Lani to open his heart. But Lani had to go and find a way to ruin them. He felt washed out and he knew soon the only thing holding them together was their hands and the moment it was broken they would shatter. Shatter into a million pieces, rubble be damned, they would be dust. Lani balked at the memory, but Odion here, even hating him, was better than no Odion at all. Without Odion, there was no one to share anything with, no sadness was soothed, no experience laughed over. He’d said he never wanted to love again. He never wanted it to touch him, never wanted someone to touch him. Here, now, it was clear. If it wasn’t Odion, Lani didn’t want it.

So he opened his eyes and looked on. Lani was confused, he didn’t even know if this was his memory anymore or not. A sick sensation rose in Lani’s gut. His power shielded him from what it couldn’t protect him from, struggling to use physical power against emotional turmoil. Odion spoke and it sounded far away. Lani couldn’t bring himself to grab a breath and for a moment Lani stood on a knife’s edge. Lani started ungracefully out of the memory, his eyes snapping open and staring wildly at the surroundings, his heart pounding, as if he’d woken from a dream when he was falling. He let out a long shaky breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. Lani felt sick with vertigo and he was for a terrifying moment unable to stop the world from moving. He could barely see Odion through the haze. Drawing a slow breath, he blinked and Odion came back into focus. He hadn’t realized this would be so hard, seeing the memories. These memories eclipsed all the good ones, giving them a bitter light.

He couldn’t even imagine what this must be like for Odion. Lani wanted to open his lips and scream until he was hoarse. Every tear Odion shed because of him was a fresh slice through his heart. But Odion hadn’t let go. Lani steeled himself. Then neither would he. Lani’s eyes crept up to Odion’s face. To see so much pain there, if Lani had ever had any doubts they would have vanished then. Lani would have done anything to make that go away. When Odion spoke, it wasn’t what Lani expected. He expected anger, he expected, well he expected what happened last time. It took Lani a moment to find his voice. He took a deep breath and forced down the nauseous feeling in his gut. “I thought… I hoped you’d get closure. Odion, I’ve seen that look in your eyes, it’s so sad, confused, hurt.” It had always only lingered for a second, just underneath the surface. “I hoped you’d see them and have a family.”

It sounded very dull now and the hope seemed dead in his arms. Lani wanted to reach out, take Odion in his arms and hold him until all of the hurts were gone. This wasn’t the kind of hurt that could be fixed, Lani squeezed his eyes shut. So much had been going on, Lani’s boss had been arrested, presumed dead by many people. Lani’d been faced with all of the freedom of the world and it had scared him, so naturally Lani went looking for other problems to fix. And when Declyn came to him, he couldn’t resist. Odion had accused Lani of never letting him in and Odion had been absolutely right. The telekinetic reached out, his hand stopping halfway before drawing back. “I never meant to hurt you,” Lani began, “But I did, what I hoped doesn’t matter. You were right about everything.” His voice failed and the tail end of a whisper died in the air.

“Are you okay?” Lani asked, peaking up at Odion. He almost wished Odion would yell at him. The motion made his vision swim and he swallowed trying to force the sick feeling away. He put his free arm around his torso as if that would help settle it. He wasn’t as used to time travel as he used to be and that had to be the worst ride ever. The terror of what was to come twisted his gut and now he was very glad he’d been too nervous to eat anything. He felt sick with dread, his head pounded and the pain in his heart awoke with fury. Without thinking about it Lani dug in his pocket and thanked God that he’d brought the strong stuff today. He took a few quickly and shook his head in attempt to clear it.

[Odion Martins]

So this was what he had so desperately wanted to forget, this was why he had left. The details of the aftermath of his heart wrenching into a giant knot hadn’t yet been dissected, but Odion didn’t need to relive it to know that seeing his birth mother was the reason why he couldn’t also be with Lani – at the time. It had only been a moment, but he couldn’t get her face out of his mind. It was clear now such a thing had driven him to madness. And there didn’t seem to be a way to forget her without also forgetting Lani and not extract some kind of revenge. Giving Lani a nod, Odion wasn’t sure what to say, because that clearly had not been what he saw. Forcing him to see those who wanted a second chance but didn’t deserve it only made how terrible his entire life had been more prominent, and literally driven him mad.

“It would have been kinder on my part to have you forget me as well…” Odion said softly as Lani downed his drug of choice. But part of his deranged mind was glad Lani wouldn’t ever forget him, and may never trust a soul again. If it couldn’t be him, then it wouldn’t be anyone. Of course, Lani hadn’t known at the time that Odi had gone and forgotten him, forgotten the most human part of who he was. If he truly wanted Lani to be free of him, he would have erased their first meeting, then none of this would have ever happened. But he hadn’t – he was a cruel man. He supposed leaving the memories intact had been a kind of insurance policy, in case something went awry. He would’ve been stupid to think his plan was foolproof.

As the memory settled, more tears slipped down Odion’s face. He wiped at them quickly and felt as though a hundred pound weight had been dropped on his shoulders. He hadn’t expected things to run so deeply. He had expected to argument to be solely about them, but it wasn’t, not entirely. It may have been the tipping point, but there had to be more to knock them completely over the edge. Realizing what he had said before might be mistaken as regret, Odion bit back more tears and took a breath. “I didn’t want to forget you Lani, I had to forget her…” Meeting Declyn had been catastrophic as it was, and he hadn’t made the conscious decision to abandon him to fate. Every other action between Lani and Odion in Europe had been coloured by this action, whatever else was said had been so detrimental because of this. Because they had been on such an emotional high. Because Lani’s plan had backfired completely.

But he couldn’t have Lani without having glimpsed his mother, however briefly. And so if he was to continue down this path, he was going to have to deal with having a face for the one who decided he wasn’t worth her time. The memories would only get worse from here, and Lani couldn’t help with every single one, but they were here now and Odion wanted to continue before he changed his mind and decided he was better off not knowing. “Things wouldn’t be this way if it were anyone else…” Odion added, unsure of himself and his own value now. Some scars would never heal, and he had to wonder if Lani was better off not knowing him. Odion finally looked at Lani, really saw him and the goodness he had tried to give. Perhaps Odion could still be kind…

[Lani Hunter]

Lani glanced up as Odion spoke, his mind moving in a million directions and his power moving things in a million directions. Weakly, wearied from Lani’s foresight to exhaust it ahead of his moment. It rustled papers, pushed things an inch out of place, flipped over the corner of a small rug. Lani let it, it wasn’t being destructive, it was in distress, because he was in distress. For the first time in a long time he felt emotionally connected with his power and these telekinetic bursts were a physical interpretation of Lani’s own emotions. To keep them bottled down would be to keep his emotions bottled. He couldn’t have let this happen if he were fresh, but it was something for his mind to do. His gray eyes steeled and he blinked at Odion. Things stilled and Lani took the time to let Odion recover a little bit and he pulled his power back, he needed this energy.

“Odion,” Lani said firmly, his voice echoing the depth of loneliness and sorrow Lani’d been living in the time of Odion’s absence. This was going to hurt, but Odion was slipping into his self doubt. “That would have been cruel. You’re so thick sometimes,” he said offering a smile to take the sting out, but he knew throwing Odion’s words back at him didn’t always go over so well. “You think I came out of our relationship unaffected? It’s because of you that I am who I am.” He squeezed Odion’s hand, pulling it to his chest and holding it there as he gazed at Odion’s eyes. “It hurt, being without you, it was agony. But forgetting you?” Sure, Lani had entertained the idea from time to time when his depression got really bad. It was true, Lani was broken. But nothing changed the fact that Lani had been recovering, he’d been learning to live, learning what it was like to be alive again. Without Odion he would have gotten better, eventually, perhaps in a few years he might have even given love a chance again. But years hadn’t passed. Everywhere he was reminded of Odion, but he cherished the good memories they had. “You couldn’t have stolen anything more precious from me.”

The telekinetic shook his head, still unable to understand. He didn’t understand how Odion felt about his family. The family that Lani was familiar with drove him crazy. They did horrid things but they apologized and forgave each other. When everyone was gone, his family was there. In Lani’s mind Odion’s mother was like his own. Caring, warm, repentant. But Lani supposed he really didn’t know. It wasn’t Lani’s place to get involved. Part of Lani still thought that Odion should have given her a chance, should have at least spoken to them, they obviously cared enough to try to meet him. The other part, dared not touch that subject out of fear. Still holding Odion’s hand to his heart Lani dropped his eyes. “I’m sorry,” he said, unable to say anything else. Whatever his assumptions were, he didn’t know for certain, he hadn’t met them himself before then. It wasn’t easy for Lani to admit he was wrong but he’d swallowed that bitter pill long ago.

Curiosity was something that drove Lani and he didn’t know a lot about Odion’s past. He wanted to know all of the parts, the beautiful and the ugly. Lani couldn’t help the nagging thought. Odion had seen Lani’s darkest secrets and he had reacted badly. Worse in fact than Lani had ever imagined, by leaving him to deal with his darkness on his own. Part of Lani needed to know that his fallibility was not going to break them every time it reared its ugly head. In his heart of darkness Lani had came too close to the abyss, if Odion hadn’t come back in time Lani didn’t know where he would be, but now he couldn’t help but wonder how it would have been if Odion had been there from the start. Mistakes on both sides, grievances laid out on the floor between them. But if Odion brought up making him forget again Lani was going to smack him. Lani watched Odion, uncertainly. If Odion didn’t want to continue, Lani would understand, but Lani couldn’t live with the falsehood and the ignorant emotions and loves. Lani’d fucked up. He’d fucked up more than he had even realized.

[Odion Martins]

Odion glanced up at the sound of his own name. Lani had had the time to process what they had been through together, more times than he probably had wanted to, but still. Odion hadn’t gone through that process, and he was realizing now how stupid that had been – he hadn’t given himself the opportunity to grow and learn. No wonder he had almost gone off the edge, if it hadn’t been for Jared finding him when he did, Odion would probably be dead. The redhead laughed in spite of himself and wiped at the falling tears. He could feel the warmth of Lani’s chest on the back of his hand and it felt like home. Within him grew the reassurance that Lani wanted him back, wanted to grow into whoever he could be with Odion.

And Odion was at a loss for words. Lani could be so startlingly beautiful sometimes, Odion was sure he would have to show Lani his own memories for Lani to even believe in that truth. Odi shook his head at Lani’s apology. Perhaps the past should stay in the past. Odion wasn’t willing to forgive his family, and he wasn’t sure if he ever would be. But he was willing to forgive Lani as Lani was willing to forgive him at the same time. Odion couldn’t change who he was, but he could at the very least be thankful of one outcome of his abandonment – meeting Lani.

“Can I show you something else for a bit?” he beckoned Lani, a sort of wicked grin on his face, pulling their hands back between them. It wasn’t like he didn’t want to get to the meat of the past, he just wasn’t sure he could survive it without a little joy at the moment. There was a particular memory Odion had in mind that he thought Lani would find amusing. “I suppose I should give a bit of background history to it first. You see, Jared has a knack for convincing perfectly civilized people like me to do ridiculous things.” Odion raised an eyebrow as though interested in the story he already knew. “Such as jumping into the Trevi fountain…” A place Odion had taken Lani on their trip through Italy. He needed this break from the hard truths he had yet to face, or he would break completely.

[Lani Hunter]

Odion’s startled laugh was an unexpected but a welcome response. It reassured Lani’s smile and he blundered on, hoping that that laugh was a good sign and not a sign that Odion was getting lost in something else. The dragon in his mind hushed and settled into its hoard stilling the air around them and gauging if attack was still the best option. Lani could feel it assessing his mess of emotions, flashes of hurt brought anger, sadness soon after brought withdrawal and then there was happiness and that lifted Lani and his power up. The emotions cycled so quickly that his power withdrew when Lani asked it too, for it didn’t know how to react especially not when one emotion was overpowering them all. Lani’s heart still remembered it’s wounds and its cage of ice, it wanted to go back but Lani didn’t want to go down that road again.

The past might stay in the past but it shaped the present and the future. Lani didn’t have Odion’s power, he’d never been able to go back and change them and he carried a lot of those things with him, close to his heart the good and the bad and if Odion had made him forget then the few things that made him this Lani would be gone and who knew who he would be. He’d seen the worst of himself in the mirror and he was never looking to see that version of himself again, Odion had erased him and changed everything about Lani’s future. Lani cocked his head in interest as Odion wiped his tears and changed the subject abruptly. Lani hadn’t been expecting breaks in the middle of this, but he supposed what came next in the sequence of events was the final straw. It was Odion’s power, he could avoid it however he liked, but honestly Lani wouldn’t mind a break.

Especially not if it brought that look onto Odion’s face. He tilted a brow up, well that definitely sounded different. “Somehow that doesn’t surprise me,” Lani comment with a chuckle. Lani took his free hand and rested his chin on his fist. Odion needn’t say more to spike the telekinetic’s curiosity. “Do tell,” he said an impish grin on his face as he waggled his eyebrows at Odion. Odion was always so put together, so impeccably dressed and clean cut. Letting loose was something Lani loved to see Odion do and it wasn’t always easy to get the redhead to do it. Even when things weren’t so serious Odion had a tendency to be straight laced, at least as straight laced as a thief could be.