Walk With You (Odion)

[Lani Hunter]

Lani smiled softly as Odion’s words were followed up by nicer ones. The telekinetic shook his head. “No, it makes sense,” Lani assured, then thought about it for a while. There were conversations he’d had with Dr. Neville, not dialogues so much as lectures. Lectures that Lani had tried to ignore but had gotten into his head anyways. “You know Odion, I think you need to stop blaming yourself for things that aren’t your fault. You didn’t choose to have a hard life, you didn’t do anything to cause yourself to need to steal.” It was a hard lesson to learn and Lani himself still hadn’t accepted it, but Dr. Neville was the first person to tell him that it wasn’t his fault. It wasn’t his fault that his Boss had taken advantage of him and it wasn’t his fault that he was tricked by an elder into servitude.

If there was any part of him that still resisted the time turner out of fear it was gone now, nothing stopped him from falling into the kiss and remembering how it used to be. As he parted from Odion he opened his eyes to recall what had changed. He had changed, Odion had changed. They were no longer two teenagers starving for love and acceptance, they were two men lost in a world that didn’t make sense, that wasn’t fair and wasn’t just. And yet they had found each other again and that didn’t undermine the strength and independence Lani had found in both his solitude and freedom from his boss, instead it gave him a way to come into this relationship better than he’d left it, with love and acceptance of both Odion and himself, because what he didn’t need anymore was to do it all himself. He wanted Odion as a partner, someone who saw Lani as he truly was, as screwed up as he was.

Collecting himself back into some form of sanity was more difficult that he would have thought and when he turned back to face the past he wasn’t completely sure he’d survive it. Refreshed slightly, the cool moisture on his eyes felt good after so many tears. He had hardened himself to this memory after reliving it in his nightmares for months. The fact that he was willingly walking into this had to count for something, he thought. He was terrified. Lani hesitated when he walked back to the couch and saw tears falling from Odion’s eyes. As terrified as he was knowing what was coming, how much more terrifying would it be to not know? Lani swallowed and hesitated. Slowly he nodded, that would be the easiest. He crossed his arms and leaned back on the couch unconsciously shielding himself from what was about to happen.

Lani looked up at Odion and tried to force a smile, but the end result was much closer to a grimace. Lani didn’t know what to say, he felt paralyzed and even as Odion spoke he couldn’t find the words to say. Expecting to be flung into it at any moment the telekinetic was braced for the memory. Which is why he was so disarmed by the unexpected comment. Slowly, Lani uncrossed his arms and reached for Odion’s hand. He chuckled softly, “That was really corny,” he agreed with a smile, “But you’re mine too.” He reached for his neck and tugged at the chain that hung there, pulling out the compass that hid under his shirt. He turned it in his hands, looking at the engraved message there before turning it over, and be it luck or chance or power or fate, the needle pointed due north at Odion’s heart. “I’m home.” Lani whispered as if a sound louder might have startled the magnetic poles and caused a shift.

[Odion Martins]

Odion smiled slightly when Lani said he was making some sense. Sometimes it was easier just to pretend and put masks on. They were perfectly played – flawless. It was hard for Odion to realize that he was just as flawed as everyone else. And while masks were heavy, they offered some kind of comfort. Being laid bare like this… It wasn’t something that came naturally to him. “Well yeah it wasn’t up to me to control all that, but it’s up to me now.” Odion wasn’t about to go see a shrink for something he already knew about himself. The only thing he could control, was how he acted right now. And stealing wasn’t so much a necessity now as it once had been. Now it was fun, and Odion didn’t plan on stopping any time soon. Did that make him a bad person? Did he even care if it did?

Being a man hadn’t been arriving at a certain age, it had sort of crept up on Odion once his memory had hit him while he was still lost in Europe. Adulthood had started at an early age for him, but he became a man when he had finally accepted his faults for what they were and decided to face them despite the personal pain he would undoubtedly feel. The only reason he was talking to Lani now was because he had made it so. It wasn’t luck or random chance, this was something he was going to have to fight for in order to keep. If it wasn’t worth it to do so, he wouldn’t be here right now.

Because this sure as hell wasn’t easy.

Smirking slightly, Odion laughed at himself and shook his head, squeezing Lani’s hand. He glanced from the compass back to Lani and decided to keep his snarky comments to himself and let the weight of the dual headed ouroboros sink into his chest, hidden under a layer of fabric. It had been something he hadn’t gotten rid of while time was playing tricks on him, even though he couldn’t remember why it was important, he knew it was and he hadn’t been willing to let go of it. Odion held his breath as Lani said oh so quietly that he as home. It rang true for both of them, and Odion held on a little tighter to Lani. “Then it’s settled,” Odion started, waiting for Lani’s reaction to the statement before continuing, looking straight at Lani. “We can do this.”

Materializing before them, they were in Ireland. They were more than cross with one another. Odion was looking out the passenger window and Lani was driving white knuckled. Not a single word had been spoken, even when they did arrive at the hotel they had been staying at. It was strange to walk back in. They had broken up and yet, everything still looked the same. Memories lingered that were hammering away at Odion’s mind and he was constantly silencing the voice in his head that was telling him to call off their split up. It wasn’t until Lani had tried to get Odion’s attention via throwing things into his suitcase in a messy way that venom like words started being thrown around.

In the present time, Odion swallowed a few times. Reality was a harsh pill to swallow, and he was trying not to cry.

[Lani Hunter]

“Yeah,” Lani agreed, it was up to Odion now, just as it was up to Lani now as well. Lani gave Odion a piercing gaze and looked into his eyes and tried to figure out what it was that the time turner was trying to get at. If enjoying stealing made them bad people, then Lani was one as well. Did it really matter what other people thought about them? They weren’t bad people, they’d both encountered the truly bad people of this world and neither of them were like them. Contrary to that, Lani stole more for the joy of it, the challenge and the prestige that came from being recognized among those in the underbelly. It was mind blowing for him still that when he was Boston he was regarded by his fellow thieves with esteem and a tad bit of fear. “I suppose it’s about how you hold yourself accountable,” Lani said considering it slowly.

Lani stared at the compass and wondered if it was a trick. There was a part of him that wanted to experiment, to walk about the room and see if Odion in his meticulous way had accidentally aligned the couch exactly north to south. The feel of Odion’s hand on his called him back to the present and reminded him that now was not the time for this test. He looked up at Odion startled by the statement. What was… “Settled?” His expression showed his confusion and his mouth had barely thought of a question when Odion continued. Odion sounded confident and Lani nodded feeding off of Odion’s determination. They could do this, they’d been through this before (technically). No more running. “Okay,” Lani was able to get out before the past ran up and smacked him in the face.

“You can’t just leave!” Lani flinched to hear his own voice so filled with anger and agony. His eyes turned toward himself and he couldn’t tell if he was watching or experiencing again. He was looking desperately toward Odion one moment throwing things in his suitcase, the next moment he was staring at himself and watching as he fell apart. Lani looked toward the past Odion and then the present Odion and he tried to reconcile why there were so many people standing around. This wasn’t how he remembered, and he had to remind himself that he was here in the now and this Lani was in the past. Lani didn’t know how Odion did it, Lani himself was shrinking back from the pure fury that raged behind his eyes. Lani’s eyes switched to Odion and he found himself siding with himself again. Caught up in the memory he was angry with the situation. Well this was something hadn’t anticipated. He hadn’t expected to be reminded of why he’d cut out the idea of love in the first place and seeing it all again he wondered again if he hadn’t been right to shut it all out.

“No…” Lani practically moaned trying to stop his past self from speaking. Adrianna, oh God, why on earth had he brought her up? No wonder Odion slapped her when he saw her. Lani didn’t realize how panicked he was feeling until the climax came and he watched himself gather the weapons in his voice. “No. No no no! Don’t!” He found himself screaming at himself. “Don’t say it!” Past Lani said it anyways. “... I’m glad you ended it… Good riddance.” Lani’s hand broke from Odion’s and he dragged his nails through his hair. How could Odion ever forgive him for that? How could he forgive himself for that? It was getting hard to breathe. He slipped underwater and desperation took over. He rattled the physical world as his past self slammed the door. Startled Lani didn’t understand what was happening for a moment. He’d left but the memory continued. Things he’d never heard before. “You never had my heart!” Startled Lani looked from the past Odion to the present and he stared at the present and couldn’t figure out why they were here.

His breath caught, he should have drowned. It would have been so much easier if this had never happened. Briefly a thought passed through him. No, not now, not now! Lani hid his face in his hands and struggled to breathe, panic overtaking his mind as he drowned in dry air. “I’m sorry,” he repeated over and over through gasps of breath. He shook his head and accepted that Odion would never forgive him for this. “I didn’t mean it,” he cried desperately, his voice slightly muffled by his hands. He wanted to take Odion in his arms, but did he have that right? He needed to be strong for Odion, he needed to be there for Odion and here he was breaking. Abruptly, Lani took his hands from his face and seized Odion’s arms as if the redhead would vanish from where he sat. “I didn’t mean it, Odion, I didn’t mean any of it! If I could I would take it all back. Oh god…” His eyes darted around and finally found Odion’s face. How could Odion ever forgive him for this?

[Odion Martins]

For the most part, Odion didn’t have that lurching feeling he had first experienced while time travelling. Now it was like second nature, like holding your breath when you really needed to. It wasn’t comfortable, but you were aware of what you were doing and in control. Until you needed air again. Now (and hopefully they were on their last trip), Odion could feel just how turbulent bending time could be, and how scary it felt to be flung into the unknown.

“Watch me.” Present Odion watched as his past self tore his ticket home into tiny little pieces. And to think, that was something he could have chosen to try again, what with his power and all. But no, there was no high road here. A hand went to cover his mouth in the present as he viewed the past. He wasn’t surprised, considering everything else he had taken in, but it still stung. He didn’t know if his heart could handle this much abuse in one day. In this moment they were reliving, they really did hate each other, and for a good reason. It seemed impossible to understand the other, especially when they were acting so idiotic.

Odion noticed Lani starting to recoil, and Odion wondered what it was like to know what was going to happen next. His eyes never left the scene of their final moments in that hotel room. He cringed as Lani tried to stop what was inevitably going to happen, but Odion knew it was futile. While past Lani continued to insist that their breakup was for the best, Odion could feel the weight of regret on Lani’s shoulders in the present. Odion tried not to feel. Every word seemed to have been said to spite the other, and it was killing him to hear. When Lani left, his heart had left with him.

And just when he thought it was over, his own memory added a little more colour to the situation. He could feel Lani’s eyes on him, but he pretended not to notice. Odion cringed as the scene continued, he wasn’t sure what was worse, the pain from recalling forgotten memories, or the screaming coming from a past self he was certain he didn’t know. “You were my family, you sack of shit!” Odion felt his body convulse as a million mixed emotions ran through his body. That was how much Lani meant to him, the only true family he had ever known. Someone who had stuck by him and wanted to know him. Odion understood now why meeting his biological family via Lani had been such a hurtful blow.

Lani had buried his face in his hands, but Odion watched the final moments of the memory as it came to an end. He could see the look in his eyes, deadened to emotion and to the world as he had already made up his mind on what he was about to do next. Without Lani, he was a sociopath. The memory was over and Lani was bellowing apology after apology and Odion had no idea how to handle it all. He was having a hard time focusing on what was being said to him now, and what had been said to him before. His attention was torn and his nonlinear mind was still catching up. It was like he felt everything, and nothing at the same time. His heart was in his throat, and just when he felt like he was going to float off, Lani anchored him in.

“I don’t think you should take it back. I mean, we could, but it would just be another lie.” Odion wiped at his eyes and gave a nod. “I know you didn’t mean those things,” he said softly. He stared past Lani, remembering remembering the past. “I don’t even know who those people are... they’re not us, not really.” His eyebrows furrowed and he gave his attention back to Lani. “And when I think of you, as I often do, this isn’t what I’ll think about.” And it was so true that anyone listening would never think otherwise. “But I am truly sorry for putting you through what you went through on your own...” Damn, he had been doing so well! But words failed him as he choked on the next thought and the words died in his throat.

So, he cried. He cried for all the stupid things he had said that fateful day. He cried for all the moments they could have had together if only they had been willing to listen. He cried for Lani, for having to deal with this pain truly by himself while Odion willingly cut the pain away from his mind. He slumped in on himself and regretted the things he had said to Lani when none of them were true. And when he thought his heart couldn’t break anymore, he found it was hard to breathe. He looked at Lani and wondered if the telekinetic had changed his mind. Everything inside of the redhead screamed at him to leave, but he refused. Lani needed him and he needed Lani, so he might as well stay.

[Lani Hunter]

Shaking his head like a dog, Lani didn’t agree, how could Odion say that? Lani’d said horrible things, unless… oh god, it was happening. Odion had remembered and now he was remembering why he left… and now, and now, now he was going to leave! Lani couldn’t get a breath in. His heart recoiled. Stumbling and scrambling over the rubbles of his walls Lani’s heart retreated desperately even as the walls came crumbling down all around him. There had to be some shelter left! The fear and the pain drove him deep within himself and he build up his walls even as they crumbled but they crumbled faster than he was able to restore them. His mind was moving a million miles an hour and he could barely hold onto what Odion was saying to him. He should quell this feeling before it took him away and he completely lost it. His brow came together and even as Odion spoke Lani’s brow made an inverted ‘v’ and his jaw clenched.

It wasn’t forgiveness, not exactly but it wasn’t condemnation. Lani eyes found Odion’s and confusion only crossed his face. The Odion he imagined wasn’t acting like Odion was acting now. Lani had been expecting yelling and anger and he’d expected Odion to run off again and leave Lani feeling like a fool with his heart on the floor. Baffled Lani could barely comprehend it enough to feel relief. His eyes locked on Odion’s as his hands locked onto Odion’s arms. He anchored himself with Odion and stability restored and Lani got his first gulp of air in what felt like forever. Lani still couldn’t believe how ugly he had been and yet here was Odion not running but accepting that Lani was flawed. And apologizing? Apologizing?!

Odion’s tears broke Lani out whatever panicked trance he’d been stuck in and he realized then it had been a while since he’d said anything. He’d been so busy trying to tame the tempest in his mind and keep his head above the water. A thought occurred to him. Odion had left him. He should be angry. Why wasn’t he angry? He was tired he’d been angry for so long. As they stood they could support each other or one of them was going down. A sick and angry part of Lani stood and raged. And why shouldn’t he fall? After everything that happened? Lani had been the one to fall, crashing into the pit and hitting the dirt at rock bottom so hard he hadn’t been able to move for days. Why not? The sick thought pushed, why shouldn’t he let Odion fall? Give him back all that Lani had endured. For so long Lani would have given into that, it was only right, he would reason, they were thieves and their lives were what they made them, but…

That wouldn’t fix anything. Lani’s iron grip on Odion’s arms broke and he pulled the crying redhead to him. He help Odion tightly, he didn’t want to be a cold person, he didn’t want to be that person that shunned love for pettiness. Not when his heart, wounded and trapped in the rubble of his own defenses called out to Odion. Not when he was on the ground and reaching out. Only now, there was something other than the wind to answer. Odion was there, but he was on the ground here with Lani. Together, if they aside everything that had been done they were clever enough to figure out how to help each other stand. Lani held Odion and didn’t let go. He squeezed his eyes shut against more tears as he turned his face in Odion’s hair and his entire being wrapped around Odion in a comforting embrace. “No more apologies,” he said softly as his power moved to surround Odion like a warm blanket, “I love you. What’s done is done. I need you, please, don’t leave me.” He held on tightly and refused to budge.

“Can we make good memories now?” Lani asked, recalling that this was his idea and that if he had the ability to go back he’d punch his own lights out. What was he thinking? Let’s do the whole bad thing again, that’ll be a good idea? Why was the past Lani such an ass hole? Now they were both caught up and Lani didn’t want to talk about it again, he wanted to move on. They could do that right? Things wouldn’t be perfect, Lani knew that, but he could dream that everything would be alright again, and maybe it would, no he was sure it wouldn’t. It wouldn’t be alright, it would be better. They would be better. Slowly Lani loosened his grip but only enough so that he could look at Odion, his arms still looped around Odion’s shoulders. He gently kissed Odion’s cheeks as the tears slipped down them, then hesitated just for a moment before kissing Odion’s lips. Maybe then all the words he couldn’t figure out how to say could be translated.

[Odion Martins]

These memories had revealed more to Odion about who he was, and who he had become, when Lani was around. But it hadn’t been fair to put so much pressure on their fairly young relationship. Lani couldn’t save him from everything, Odion still had to make his own decisions regarding his reactions. And obviously, he had made the wrong one. Odion didn’t bother trying to put his walls back up, he had nothing to hide when all of his ugly secrets were on display before them. But if they were broken, at least now they could be broken together.

Odion already knew what Lani was thinking, so he didn’t say anything more. They were going to be their own worst enemy, they even had the same fear: the other would leave. Odion felt so terrible for having put this idea in Lani’s head. He had promised to never leave, and then he did. Would Lani always being wondering when he would leave again? Odion wasn’t sure he could live with that. He wasn’t sure if Lani would ever trust him again. It pained Odion to know these things, and he grappled with wanting to fix it but not knowing how. Time was known for playing tricks, how many more absences from Odion could Lani take?

The Odion Lani had been imagining just wasn’t there right now. Yes Odion could get infuriated, yes Lani had seen that before (obviously), but he wasn’t angry at Lani, he was angry with himself. If he was ever to be that selfish again, he didn’t deserve to have the life he had been given. And hell if he wasn’t dead yet, then he better damn well start changing so he could enjoy what he had left. And Odion had never been this sorry before in his life. He would understand why Lani wouldn’t want him back and after seeing all this, Odion was surprised Lani had given him this chance at all. So he must still care, it was all Odion had left to hang on to. So he groveled, and if Lani had asked him to beg, he would have. He was the one who had left, he was the one who had called it off…

So being held was the last thing Odion expected, but it was the best thing he could’ve hoped for. It was Lani who was holding him while he cried and grieved, and it helped repair his broken heart. Lani had given more than Odion felt he ever deserved, but he was grateful for it. It felt like the tears would never end, but it also felt like Lani would never let go, and in that moment, two people had made the same decision. They would never forget the hurt and betrayal, but they could make up for it in the only way they knew how. And at the very least, they could learn from all this – eventually. When their minds weren’t throbbing from the day’s discoveries and tears. Odion could feel time collide with Lani’s control of matter and he felt… home. And when Lani said he loved him, it only made Odion cry more because he hadn’t been home in so long, and he pressed into Lani, settling himself into his heart’s home, clearly not going anywhere.

Nodding into Lani’s arm, Odion collected his breath and tears. “Yes… Please.” He took another shaky breath. “I love you too, and it’s entirely confounding.” Everything. The fact they were hear, and not yelling at each other, it made no logical sense. But it seemed that life never did, and not everything worth having or fighting for was logical – was it ever? But Odion was unknowingly in agreement with Lani – if they ever spoke of this again, it would be too soon. And they were different now, and perhaps in a fucked up way, their break up was supposed to happen. And like Odion’s visions had always promised, Lani was always in his future. But this mess was never happening again, it was time to make new messes, and fuck up other people’s lives, not their own. Odion didn’t protest when Lani closed the space between them with kisses, nor when Lani kissed him full on the mouth. It was the best way Odion thought this would end. So he kissed Lani back with vigor, as though to say thank you. And then another, deeper kiss, as though to say they needed to leave the past where it belonged.