Lonely solipist [open]

[Lucas Blacke]

For some reason Luke did not yet own his own instrument and caught himself time and time again just going to the auditorium to play a few tunes. And what better than going over there in the middle of winter in a nice, warm jacket and playing some tunes on whatever instrument he felt like playing? Less people around, and less people for him to text and ask to come over before mentally breaking down.

Yes, that time was still very vivid and he disliked being remembered about it, though he did come down to the exact place it happened time and time again. He knew there wasn't any reason to keep reminding himself of it, there was never going to be anything beyond friendship between them. He knew this, had known this since the moment he tried to change, or said he tried to change. Though when he had asked her, she said he hadn't. He didn't want to accept that fact but knew that she was one of the people that knew him best even if she hated the very idea.

Shrugging the simple idea of not having changed away he went over to the stage on which the instruments were laid out and he took a few moments to himself. He took a seat on the ground right next to the guitar and strummed the neck of it a bit, being able to play a sad little tune just by tapping on the right frets.

He then got up to his feet and took a seat behind the instrument he knew how to play even without his power; the piano. he sighed deeply as he removed the lid from the keys and placed his fingers on mostly just the white ivory and ignored the black parts. His mind tried coming up with something to play, something to match his current mood, the season.

His head turned sideways and he saw the snow falling through the window. He cracked a smile as he watched it pass, like everything he would ever know.

[Deleted]

Marcus was having issues focusing on his latest art project…which he hadn’t even figured out what was going to be yet, so he thought that he might work on an old one that he hadn’t finished yet. Then he thought that maybe he’d just spend the day updating his tumblr, and then maybe writing in his journal….but then that turned into a netflix binge which quickly left him with an empty bag of cheetoes and no idea what he actually wanted to watch. In the end, the only thing that he actually accomplished was feeding his bearded dragon a full helping of worms.

Yeeey….progress.....…!

Though with that done, there was nothing left to do outside of just laying in his bed with his music on loud. And if he was going to listen to music, then he may as well work on something new for the band. And if he was going to work on something new, then he may as well go all out and drag his crap to the auditorium so he could get it with some proper sound and acoustics. And so Marcus got himself together and packed and headed downstairs and out the building to the auditorium.

Ahh…it was way to cold, he thought, rubbing his gloved hands together as he trekked through the falling snow. Marcus could feel his sinuses starting to act up, though he pushed them down again as quickly as possible. He was going to get a cold at this rate, wasn’t he? Or worse, the flu! It was inevitable. Even if he got his yearly flu shot, Marcus always came down with quite possibly the worst strain that was going around that season.

He could feel it coming on already. Tickling in his nose. Weakness in his joints. Foggy head. He was going to get a fever too wasn’t he? Or maybe he was just being paranoid and all these symptoms were in his head? That’s what his mother would say, year after year. And then after dragging Marcus on a fun-filled winter adventure that he had no business being on, she’d disappear again and Marcus would be stuck in bed for the next week, trying to get over whatever it was he caught on said escapade.

His mother hadn’t come around this season. This was the first season in a long time that she’d been absent. Marcus couldn’t say one way or the other if it was a relief or a disappointment that she was gone without so much as a word as to where she was or when she’d be back….

Marcus shook his head of those thoughts, just in time for him to enter into the auditorium. He shivered, walking down the center aisle, and didn’t notice that the stage was already occupied by someone else until he’d almost reached it. “Oh…” he said awkwardly, sending the other boy a nod. “Hey….Didn’t know you were down here…’sup?” Marcus started dismantling his winter wear before unpacking his equipment.

[Lucas Blacke]

He'd thought he was all alone and no one would bother coming to the auditorium in the middle of the winter, but as always he would be wrong. He'd play a few tunes on the piano before hearing the door open and someone come in, and instantly his eyes swung over to see who it was, quickly rubbing at his eyes as he didn't want whoever was there to see him at his most vulnerable. Luckily keeping his feelings behind glass had become his specialty.

He looked at the one who had stepped in and found himself confused at this guy entering the auditorium. Was he lost? Luke didn't recognize him at first glance, so he should be new, right? But when he quickly took his hands from his eyes he noticed he did see this guy before. It was that one dude from his band, or what they tried to portray as a band. He'd never heard of any of them beyond that day, none except that this guy had just shown up as if he knew where Luke was.

''How'd ya..-'' He started in confusion but then he noticed that the guy wasn't there for him, he was going to play. Maybe they'd be able to get something going again, the two of them.

''Yer that guy from that band thing, right?'' He asked bluntly after hesitating a few moments. ''Do ya know where those other guys are? I'm itchin' to get goin'.''

[Deleted]

Lucas seemed confused. As if it was the most unlikely thing in the world for Marcus, of all people, to show up in the auditorium. And that confused Marcus for a moment…until he remembered that most of their interactions had been when Marcus was a girl and that Lucas wasn’t as well acquainted with his male side. Yet.

Should he come clean about it? It’s not like he was hiding it on purpose…well, it kinda was for a while, but it’d just become too awkward to say anything after that. He wondered if Luke would be upset with him? Of course he would…it was just a matter of how upset he’d be…guys were like that, weren’t they?

Marcus nodded. “Yeah….you’re, uh…Lucas, right? Yeah, it’s been pretty crazy since then, we haven’t really done much, have we?” He laughed lightly at the matter as he started to unpack his guitar and mini-amp. “I’ve seen Matt around sometimes, done a couple jam sessions, but Cameron….not much.” He shook his head, smiling as he stepped up to the stage. “I think the holidays ate them.” As it did to people with normal families…as Marcus assumed those two had.

Though he didn’t now much about them really. He could be completely off target.

Marcus carried his equipment to center stage where the outlets were hidden and started to set up there. He glanced over his shoulder, nodding back at the boy sitting at the piano. “So…where’d you learn to play?”

[Lucas Blacke]

He nodded at his own name. ''Aye, that I am.'' And listened to the guy talk about what he thhought happened and what he had heard, that he had jammed with Matt, who he had heard enough of for one lifetime, and that they were probably eaten by the holidays. This was likely because he assumed they had families and forced Lucas to assume the same, hating Matt even more and beginning to dislike Cameron, which he also hadn't seen around. '''S fun, startin' a band an' abandonin' it.'' Fingers ran over the keys as he spoke about it and thought about what it would be like to have a functional family. After all, that one call he'd made to his parents was never returned. The dicks.

As the guy walked up to the stage and began jacking in his stuff Luke smiled. At least one of the band members was still around, perhaps they could build around this. There were some people he knew that would be perfect for this, he'd just need to contact them. Maybe he knew someone as well, they were bound to be in different social circles either way, right? If things really took off they would merge, but right now they were as seperated as could be.

His head suddenly jerked up as the guy asked him where he learrned to play, and he instantly assumed it was the piano he meant since that was the only instrument he could really play. He'd been practicing with the others, waiting for them to bleed through but he wouldn't tell them that. Not unless they asked, anyway. ''My uncle.'' He replied as his mind instantly went back to him and his uncle playing together, him correcting Luke over and over. It really were the best times.

And now they were gone.

''Hey.. Marcus, right?'' He had assumed it was correct as he just brushed the last question away and continued. ''What do ya say we begin this band anew? Get some members we can rely on?'' As much as he was the kind of guy to not do anything, this idea seemed like fun.

[Deleted]

Truth be told, Marcus didn’t know much about Matt or Cameron, and so wouldn’t know if they had the normal set of families like one might expect. Marcus had a family, but it was…complicated. His grandfather didn’t like him, and his was the only opinion that mattered. His dad did his best, but was working most of the time and was living under his grandfather’s iron fist. And his mother…. Well, she hadn’t contacted Marcus since she bailed out on her promise to meet for his birthday.

The most he got from any of them was a gold AMX card. No limit. At least, he didn’t think it did.

Marcus shrugged. “I don’t know. Things come up, so can’t be too mad at them, though it would’ve been nice to’ve been told that they weren’t gonna be able to keep it up.” That was courtesy, right? Though Marcus didn’t have the right to judge because he had that habit too. Many times, his only concern was whatever was going on in front of him at that moment, and the rest of the world might as well not exist. But he did like the idea of starting a band. It’d give him something regular and stable to concentrate on, instead of just flapping around like a leaf in the gentle breeze. Or rather, hurricane.

“Ahh, that’s cool. My mom taught me piano myself, though I never really liked it. It was just something for us to do together, you know? Ha ha…” He slung the guitar over his shoulder and strummed lightly, trying to get a sound check on the amp and adjusting the levels accordingly. “I really prefer the guitar, but I had to teach myself that. You know, it kinda irks me that I’m better at something I hate and’m just puttering along at something I really enjoy. Weird, huh?” Marcus was rambling. As he usually did when he couldn’t think of what to say.

He blinked up from his strumming and a smile grew. “Sounds great. I don’t know what’s going on with those other two, but we can’t just keep waiting around for the to be ready, right? So…yeah! Let’s do it!” He was getting excited about this all over again. Though…Marcus didn’t really know anybody who would be interested. “Maybe we should put up a notice, like what’s-his-name did last time?” They never really found out who set up that first meet up, did they?

[Lucas Blacke]

Luke chuckled then. ''I dunno, some men have no issues keepin' it up.'' He joked, spewing some humor into the room even if it only cheered him up. Seeing what he just thought made it more than necessary for himself to lighten the mood a bit, last thing he needed was to break down in front of the one he was going to be in a band with. This guy he had seen twice now, more than any of the others and this made him all the more reliable. Or at least turned him into someone who would be forced to play along. ''But yeah, a slight heads up might've been nice. 'Specially from that Matt douche.'' He didn't know why, but he really didn't like the guy, he'd played along nicely when he suggested he should just stick to the piano but when it became clear that the others did mind him in the least he had come to the conclusion that Matt was just a dick to powers.

His eyes widened at the statement Marcus made. ''Wha? Don't like it..?'' Luke very nearly got up and was going to force the guy down in front of the piano as a joke. ''It's a piano, man! What's not to like? The emotion, the feelings..'' He paused as his eyes looked at the other boy. ''Unless yer one of those damned manly men who deny having feelings.'' He joked halfheartedly, it really would hurt him a bit if this guy wasn't in touch with his feelings. It didn't have to be in the same quantity as Luke was but he figured it would help the bonding experience, and if they were going to start a band they would definitely need that. ''Maybe ya should play guitar if ya really like that. I could even practice with ya if ya'd like.'' He offered up finally.

''Ooh, a notice would be dandy! Might attract some fresh meat.'' He joked. Well, he joked, but it really was a good idea. ''Maybe we'd get more than just a handful of people to show up.''

[Deleted]

Marcus stifled a laugh. “Yeah, some,” he replied lightly. “I’ve never had that problem, you know? Endurance.” He smirked. “You need it if you’re gonna get anywhere.” Yeah, this guy was alright. Despite their previous issues, Marcus didn’t really dislike him. Besides, it was better to think so if they were supposed to be working together.

Which brought up another thing that Marcus needed to…bring up….

Heh heh…..’bring up’…heh

Okay, get your mind outta the gutter, Marcus. We’re trying to be somewhat serious here! “I don’t know, man. I think he’s ok.” After all, he’d spent more than five minutes with him, unlike what Lucas probably had. “I think….well….” Well what? “I mean, he’s new to Hammel, so it’s probably an adjustment for him.” Though Marcus kind of got the impression that he was extreeeeeemely conservative….so might be best to not mention some things. As in Marcus’ power. And sexual preferences. Even though he didn’t know what they were, really….kind of….

Marcus cringed a little, feeling like he stepped on a land-mine of sorts. “I don’t know! I just….it’s tedious.” That’s really all it was. Though the next part, Marcus had no choice but to laugh. “I am not one of those guys, you have nooo idea. Really, I am probably the least ‘manly’ man you’ll ever meet, I mean…” He gestured to himself. “Have you looked at me?” Skinny as a bean pole, long hair…of course, there was the whole issue of being half-girl as well, but Lucas didn’t know that.

Yet.

Marcus nodded, smiling. “That sounds cool. And I think this band will be good practice, you know? I mean, I’m okay, but I want to get better.” As good as he was on the piano.

“Yeah! And actually have a selection and auditions and everything!” Marcus was getting more and more excited the more they talked about it. But Marcus was really just stalling…he needed to just say it already. “Um…hey Lucas?” Marcus looked down to his feet, biting his lip, then returned his gaze to the other boy. “Um….seeing as we’re going to be working together…there’s something I kinda need to tell you.” Oh, fuck his heart was going to explode out of his chest, wasn’t it? “Promise you won’t get mad?” he asked meekly.

[Lucas Blacke]

Luke tried to keep quiet as the guy defended Matt, as if the guy was likeable. Well, in all fairness Marcus could like him but Luke never would, he hadn't forgotten what he had said about him and indirectly of his power, and while he didn't mind so at that moment it was a giant blow to the ego. But more than that, he spent time with Anthy and he could vividly remember her say certain things about Matt. He knew how he hated him in that very moment and that feeling would never leave. ''Don't ya fuckin' try to talk me out of hatin' him, okay?'' He interjected as Marcus spoke about how Matt was new to the school and probably needed to adjust. He didn't want to blow up, but the last thing he wanted was someone yet again defending someone he didn't like. Story of his life. ''Just drop it.''

But then he went on about how he didn't know and how it was tedious. ''Yer damn right it's tedious. I told ya to drop it an' yer still continuin'.'' He tried to shrug it off as a joke but noticed he failed at that, he could also sense how Marcus was uneasy talking about it which made Luke even more confused. But nevertheless he continued on like nothing had happened, probably for the best.

''Skinny. Tall. Long hair.'' He answered with a slight nod as he scanned the boy over. ''Pretty metal if I may say so myself. Ever hear of Alexi Laiho? He's from Children of Bodom an' ya remind me of him. Less talented, but still.'' He offered up without a smile like he usually would to make people feel better, but this guy.. those words rubbed him the wrong way. ''So Alexi ain't male? Yer tellin' me the fuckin' guy makin' me wanna play guitar ain't male?'' He shook his head slightly at Marcus, he was glad he wasn't a manly man like he had said before, but to say his looks were the issue..? ''Naw, I'm not seein' it. Has nothin' to do with how ya look.'' In fact, he once kissed a girl that looked an awful lot like him. And he could still clearly tell she was female.

''Not promisin' anythin' buddy-boy.'' He said as he got up and walked over to the guy. ''I can promise to try, that's for sure.'' He smiled. ''But that's pretty much all I can do.''

[Deleted]

It wasn’t to say that Marcus liked or disliked the blonde, but he did think it was better to get along with people if it was possible. Marcus was pretty open minded and liked to give people a chance if he had that chance. Matt seemed to like him, so Marcus had no real reason to not like him back. He supposed that not everyone was like himself, though. “I won’t, don’t worry. I just think things work a lot better when people get along. But I’m not gonna force it on you, alright?” Marcus nodded when Lucas asked to drop the subject. “Okay, consider it dropped,” he said with a shrug.

Tedious, yes. The piano was, in Marcus’ opinion, though in retrospect, learning any instrument was probably that way. To Marcus though, it probably had something to do with the mixed feeling he held towards his mother that bled off into his dislike of the piano, since so many of his best memories of her were from her teaching him.

The person that Lucas decided to compare Marcus to brought a smile to his face. “You think so? Hah….I haven’t heard of him, unfortunately, but I know that this look is pretty popular in…you know, metal groups ’n shit. Why do you think I dress like this in the first place?” Because no fucking way would he be able to maintain that kind of cool if he were just a short haired, blonde, twig-like nerd who liked to draw all day. He didn’t expect Luke to get so defensive about it. “There’s other reasons too,” of which he’d explain in a minute, “but I guess it’s also because….I don’t know, guess I just got issues because I’ll never be able to bench press anything heavier than, say, five pounds.” And he had no desire to either. And it didn’t help that a lot of his guy friends constantly poked fun at him for not living up to some undefined standard that apparently his genes never got the memo for.

Okay, so not making any promises. Marcus couldn’t decide if he was now terrified or that he appreciated the honesty. Marcus looked down and took a small step back, as if he was expecting the guy to explode once he found out and wanted to be as far out of reach as possible. “Um….so….um….” He glanced at Luke’s leg. “I, uh….I see your leg’s doing better. Don’t, uh…don’t need anybody to help you walk anymore. Which is great, because I’m not gonna do it anymore.” Marcus flit his eyes up to Luke then pulled them back down, his face slowly growing red. That was enough for him to get hit himself, right?

[Lucas Blacke]

Issues? Looking like he did? ''I get why ya wanna be in a band now. The chicks would be all over ya.'' He replied jokingly knowing that if his inetnions were anything like his own he just enjoyed making music, and he could and would accept that. Still, they were getting close to being friends, and friends made jokes didn't they? ''Bench pressin' ain't everythin' Marc. Some girls like a more sensitive guy.'' He assured him, he knew what it was like to have trouble with girls. He wouldn't really help this guy look for one for as long as he himself was still single, but talking couldn't hurt. ''Shame Cameron bailed, ain't it?'' He grinned.

He was a fitness freak himself but was still able to see how some people just didn't like it. And well, it wasn't his thing to judge other men based on looks, but Marcus would just ruin his looks by working out, or so he though at least. ''Wish I had long hair.'' He finally said with a smirk. ''Wanna trade? Wanna be able to do some headbangin'.''

Luke stepped back a slight bit as Marcus did so in case he needed space, it did seem pretty big after all. ''Aye.'' He replied finally with a smile. ''My leg's-''

Hold on. How did he know about his leg hurting before and why did he say he wasn't going to help him anymore? He wasn't anywhere near him when she helped him. The girl he stupidly kissed and who he had just noted looked a lot like this guy. He dove into his own memory a bit and could see it still happen as he never forgot anything he did himself. His brain would store it in case he saw something he needed. He still remembered kissing her under the influence of mountain dew, but right before he did so she toldd him something. Luke repeated the lip movements and slowly began to piece things together.

Well fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.

''So yer Marcus an' Marca, aye?'' He tried keeping his cool when he realized why he took a small step back and avoided eye contact. He did say he would hit the male version of her back then. ''So ya have seen me naked. I flirted with ya, a guy.'' He was no homophobe, but this was a bit much to register. Walking back to the piano slowly and aimlessly pressing on the same key over and over he finally turned his head to the shemale. ''So..?''

He coughed finally as his face dropped every sign of a smile. ''No.''

[Deleted]

Marcus rolled his eyes and threw back his head in amusement. His blonde hair fell in over one side of his face. “Of course. That’s exactly the reason. Chicks dig guys who know how use their fingers.” He plucked out a quick riff on his guitar. Obviously trying to look cool. He was probably failing. “Yeah…she was pretty cool, and had an awesome voice.” Marcus sighed. “I guess we’ll have to find a new vocalist?”

Marcus shook his head, letting that hair Lucas envied whip around. “No way. I worked hard to grow this. Besides, it might make—“ Might make his grandfather actually proud of him. No, Marcus was not going to say that. Too emo. “Long hair wouldn’t suit you,” he decided to say instead. “Trust me. I can visualize these things.”

And now on to the awkward part of revelations. As in, revealing to Luke that they were, in fact, quite well acquainted with each other, more than Lucas might be comfortable with. Marcus stayed quiet while the other boy processed this new information.

He seemed to take it quite well….maybe?

“Don’t call me Marca, I hate that,” he said sourly, looking away slightly. Marcus looked back and realized that Lucas was…well, he was dealing, but his body language said only just barely. How could Marcus tell? Well….if Lucas freaked out about it, he wouldn’t be the first. And not the last either. “Yeah, well that was unavoidable,” he muttered. Marcus was waiting for it. Though he asked Lucas to not be mad….well, Marcus could at least appreciate that he held out for as long as he did.

There it was. He was going to lose it, wasn’t he? Marcus closed his eyes upon hearing that single, blunt word. “‘No’…..what…?” he urged, inviting him to clarify that thought. Was Marcus surprised? Nope. Was he prepared? Sort of. He waited, anticipating a flurry of scornful, hate-filled words. Maybe even a punch or two. Again, wouldn’t be the first time it happened.

[Lucas Blacke]

''Good.'' He said after a moments silence as he sat down on the ground to keep himself from being on eye level with Marcus. ''I'll keep callin' ya Marca then.'' It was the most he could do to prevent himself from snapping in the first place, yet he could feel himself growing angry despite everything. He knew this guy looked familiar, and the hints had been there. The long hair, feminine look, the aversion to working out. Why couldn't he have seen that in time? What stopped him? ''So, Marca, how long were ya gonna keep this from me?''

He looked up from the ground and sighed deeply as he had asked his question, finally just putting both hands on his head, pulling his hair back to keep from blowing up. ''Ya know this means I need ta keep my word an' beat ya up, right?'' He flopped back on the ground and stared at the ceiling as his arms spread. ''Why couldn't ya be Marca when ya told me this?'' He asked despite her having told him she was a he in the first place, yet he stupidly declined her letting him see what she changed into out of (what he described as) fear he would get violent.

And now he was having just that thought he wanted to avoid before. He'd taken steps to keep himself from being able to lash out and took timely sighs to try and breathe away the aggression. ''I mean.. fuck dude, I was beginnin' to like ya an' ya drop this bomb on me?''

''The fuck dude?'' He sat up, shaking his head. At least it was better than waiting until after the band had formed.

[Deleted]

‘Marca’ glared. “Don’t call me that. Or any variation thereof. My name is Marcus and I’m a guy…despite appearances sometimes.” Why did Marcus have the feeling that Luke was going to outright ignore his request? If Marcus didn’t think he’d break his hand doing it, he’d punch the jerk for that.

That didn’t mean he didn’t feel guilty for doing exactly what Luke accused him of…though it wasn’t exactly on purpose. Marcus stood there silently as Lucas babbled and shot of questions and ‘what ifs’ at him.

“There was never a good time…” he muttered. After all, they were either not around each other, or there were other things happening, like kissing, or being naked and falling on one’s dick, or there were other people around and he didn’t want to advertise. What was he supposed to do? Track the guy down, knock on his dorm door, and say ‘hey! I’m a boy, but I’m the girl you kissed and who slapped you!”? “Besides….if you were me, would you have said anything? You know, knowing the other guy would probably be pissed and pummel you if he found out?” Marcus looked away, his face fixed in a stern expression. Though inside, his stomach was in knots, wondering if that premonition was about to come true. “….or that he’d just…outright hate you….?” Again, wouldn’t be the first time…but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt when it happened.

Marcus paused for a few seconds before speaking again. “Just a fair warning, though, you probably don’t want to beat me up.” This part was pretty embarrassing, and he scowled to hide it. “I have a tendency to change when people…or things…hit me….or I get too stressed out…or shocked….or weak, or….you know, stuff like that..” Did he know? Probably not.

[Lucas Blacke]

Luke listened to the male version of the girl who saw him naked. A guy had seen him naked. He actually knew a guy had seen him naked before this all happened, but he didn't know who, and now he did and it meant that he could no longer make up things to make it feel a little better. It was real now and he was in a band with the reality of the situation. This didn't help.

At least he'd be able to stay incognito easier.

That didn't help either. Usually jokes were the one thing that could help him cope, but this time.. he really wasn't angry, not as badly as he thought he would be at least, but he did find himself confused as hell. Not knowing what to think wasn't a frequent occurance for him, and this exact situation he had thought about for a while, knowing that he knew a girl who could shift genders. But to hear it from the guy her.. that was.. he didn't know and lowered his head slightly again to avoic looking at him/her/it.

''Y'know,'' A few seconds had passed and when Marcus had used those words he did asking if Luke would have said anything despite knowing he'd probably get a beating.. well.. he was sure it was a rhetorical question or one without required answer at least but he still felt he needed to rub this one in as he raised his head to look at him/her. ''I would. I'd tell people even if they'd hate me for it. Mainly 'cause I want people to know what's up.'' He wasn't lying really, he'd told people about his own power before going on to other subjects before.

He gazed Marcus over slightly and chuckled. ''Or down.''

''Just.. confuses me why ya'd wait this damn long to tell me.''